tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30928713635149753312024-03-12T16:00:06.254-07:00San Diego Man CampUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger61125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092871363514975331.post-87654915546256169142017-08-12T07:02:00.000-07:002017-08-12T07:07:45.538-07:00Making Meaning Out of Chaos: Some Thoughts on Trump and Skepticism<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-xuoblYwWyt0/WY8IPgrSonI/AAAAAAAAChw/VP5ddofXnII0AU13QIc-5g9TDw_4-3H7gCLcBGAs/s1600/fat%2Btrump.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="357" data-original-width="342" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-xuoblYwWyt0/WY8IPgrSonI/AAAAAAAAChw/VP5ddofXnII0AU13QIc-5g9TDw_4-3H7gCLcBGAs/s320/fat%2Btrump.png" width="306" /></a></div>
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If you follow my rants on Facebook, you know I've had a wide range of ever-changing thoughts on the shit-storm that is the Trump candidacy and subsequent presidency. Early in the campaign season, I saw him as a bit of a joke. When he started gaining traction, I took notice. When he won the primary, I was thoroughly impressed. Then he beat Hillary. At that point, I assumed Trump was a masterful political tactician who, as a long-time New York Democrat, managed to expertly troll his way into the White House as a fanatical white nationalist conservative. <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2016/11/did-trump-just-troll-his-way-into-white.html" target="_blank">Or so I thought</a>. The most important part of that post? This line:</div>
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"<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , "trebuchet" , "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: 13.2px; text-align: justify;">I would be willing to gamble an uncomfortable amount of money that we're going to see a very, very different Trump in office."</span></div>
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Turns out I was wrong. <i>Very, very wrong.</i> Also worth noting - I am not a Trump supporter even though I was impressed with his performance. <i>Some </i>of his policies would balance out our sociopolitical swing to the far left over the last few years, thus he <i>could </i>have been good for political balance. I voted for Johnson. ;-)</div>
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Since inauguration, we've seen the exact same Trump we saw on the campaign trail. This deeply saddens me. First, like most people, I don't like being wrong. But I also don't have a problem admitting it. This is how we grow as people... we recognize when we fucked up, understand why, and plot a better course. </div>
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Secondly and more importantly, I genuinely thought Trump could be the president that ends our recent trend of hyper-partisanship that has divided 'Murica for the last decade and a half. I thought Trump could be the leader we needed. Again, I was very, very wrong. </div>
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As it turns out, Trump is basically the person he appears to be on the surface - an unpredictable, egotistical, idiot with no real leadership skills and a really bad tendency to throw his allies under the bus to avoid taking responsibility for his own failures. Pretty much every decision he makes systematically results in him pissing away his own political power. When he took office, both the GOP and Democrats were terrified of the dude. Now? He's a laughing-stock.</div>
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Trump rants aside, this post is really about skepticism and how hope can blind our judgment. I wanted Trump to be someone he wasn't, which led me to give him the benefit of the doubt longer than I should have based on clear, objective evidence. I wanted to see something that simply wasn't there. </div>
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<i>Why do we do this?</i></div>
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Early Man</h3>
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Wayyyyy back in the day, man would look upon naturally-occurring phenomena like the rising and setting of the sun, the movement of the stars, thunder and lightning, disease and death, and so on, and derive explanations. This seems to be where religion came from. We made meaning out of shit we couldn't explain. </div>
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Later, when we developed better observational skills and tools, we develop better, more plausible explanations. Of course, we're still skeptical about these observations as any good student of science should be, but we're pretty damn certain our present observations and explanations are better than our observations and explanations from the past. </div>
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Interestingly, we all seem to have a personal threshold that represents the point where we reject the old explanation and adopt the new. Centuries ago (or earlier if we look beyond Western Civ.), man recognized the world was not flat. It was spherical. At first, those who proposed it were treated as heretics. But the acceptance of the idea grew over time. Eventually, more and more people passed that personal threshold and accepted the new idea. Today, with the exception of a few fanatical laggards, we all accept this "new" explanation.</div>
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Enter the Trump Phenomenon</h3>
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In all likelihood, I was wrong about Trump. I say "in all likelihood" because, being the good scientist I am, I do not like to rule out <i>any </i>possible explanations entirely, even silly stuff like "Trump is an animatronic device controlled by Illuminati." It took me a lot longer to come to the "Trump is a disaster" conclusion because I wanted him to be the great leader who would unite our populace that we haven't had in decades. </div>
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<i>Hope clouded my judgment. </i></div>
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Lesson learned. </div>
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There's also another factor at play... I do not like to underestimate people who seek power overtly or covertly. Trump's change in behaviors over the last few years seemed suspect. People don't generally take a 180 degree sociopolitical turn that late in life unless they have a very good reason... like winning the most powerful job in the world. To me, there were two possible explanations:</div>
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1. Trump was a masterful tactician supported by expert manipulators and big data, and knew exactly what to say at the right time to the right people to usurp not only his own party, but the entire political establishment. Or...</div>
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2. Trump was the right guy at the right time in the right place and got really fucking lucky.</div>
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On November 10th, I would have been willing to put most of my life savings on the first explanation. Today? I wouldn't waste tree fiddy on that same bet. The lesson I learned - <i>don't let emotion cloud your observational skills. </i></div>
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Of course, there's still a sizeable percentage of the American public that genuinely believes Trump is a masterful tactician. Odds are good they're more emotionally-invested in Trump than I was, ergo they have more reason to believe he's something he isn't. As time passes, unless something radically changes, the number of people in this camp will continue to decline to the point where the Trump presidency becomes untenable. </div>
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So What's Next for Trump?</h3>
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Even though I was wrong about Trump's presidency, I'm not going to stop making predictions. Based on the present course, I predict there's a very high probability he gets removed from office via impeachment. I predict the Russian investigation will turn up more sketchy shit, but we'll eventually figure out that Trump and his team were just stupidly incompetent and most of the apparent "collusion" was the Russians masterfully manipulating us. His impeachment will occur due to obstruction of justice, not collusion, probably related to the eventual firing of Meuller.</div>
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I predict the GOP will hold the Senate and the House, though they will lose many seats in the junior chamber. More importantly, the election cycle will alienate many representatives who once supported Trump. None of Trump's big four agenda items (repeal and replace ACA, tax reform, infrastructure improvement, and the border wall) will come to fruition, though we may get <i>some </i>minor tweaking of the tax code. </div>
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Right now, our biggest concern is the North Korea situation. I predict this will end in diplomacy and we'll forget about the issue by Thanksgiving. As unhinged as Trump is, his generals won't let him start a war. Unless North Korea changes course on their decades-long pattern of saber-rattling and is foolish enough to attack us or our allies... but that seems completely implausible. Odds are good Trump's rhetoric is a diversion from the domestic shit show. </div>
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Conclusion</h3>
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As humans, we have an innate drive to make sense of chaos, and we all have personal thresholds when we give plausible explanations of chaos and when we accept chaos for what it is. It took me a long time to reach the conclusion that Trump is a chaotic shit-show, and this delay was due to my desire to want Trump to be a clever tactician. But alas, he is not. </div>
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<i><i>Lesson learned. </i></i><br />
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How about you? Are there times you've stuck to implausible explanations longer than you should have? Leave a comment!<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092871363514975331.post-68355833856715803662017-03-15T12:01:00.001-07:002017-03-15T12:01:38.855-07:00The Fickle Nature of Motivation: A Brain Chemistry Discussion<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gwPXgUPrYsQ/WMmORAa6JUI/AAAAAAAACeY/Pb7tRYdDEakKBMlC2qlLioft3ecuZFdDQCLcB/s1600/serotonin-and-dopamine.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="189" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gwPXgUPrYsQ/WMmORAa6JUI/AAAAAAAACeY/Pb7tRYdDEakKBMlC2qlLioft3ecuZFdDQCLcB/s320/serotonin-and-dopamine.gif" width="320" /></a></div>
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Motivation is a fickle mistress. In the last few posts, I wrote about the nature of high-functioning depression. In my experiences, a complete and total lack of motivation to do anything and everything is the predominant symptom I experience. </div>
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Over the last decade or so, I've spent a great deal of time trying to manage this lack of motivation. I started by trying to fight it. You know, learning ways to force myself to do the shit I didn't want to do. I discovered that these forced behaviors, while possible, are absolutely draining. When I'm in a depressed state, I cut back activities to the bare minimum. If it ain't necessary, I ain't doin' it. Eventually I learned it was far better to figure out a) the antecedents to the depressive state and avoid those and b) behaviors that will shorten the depressive state than it was to try to will myself to keep doing "business as usual." </div>
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So what's going on here?</div>
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The Biological Basis for Motivation</h3>
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Based on our best hypotheses to date, motivation is primarily controlled by two neurotransmitters in your brain - dopamine and serotonin. Dopamine seems to serve as the "reward" our brain gives itself when we engage in particular behaviors. In short, it's responsible for the feeling of "enjoyment" we get from doing the shit we enjoy. It should be noted this doesn't always mean we get rewarded for "pleasurable" behaviors like sex, drugs, and blue grass. It's entirely possible to be "rewarded" for experiencing what appears to be "bad" shit. That's the nature of masochism. </div>
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Anyway, serotonin seems to play a role in the cost/benefit analysis we do before engaging in any behavior. The lower the levels of serotonin, the more "cost" we perceive, ergo the less likely we will engage in any given behavior. </div>
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Note the uncertainty in tone of those last two paragraphs. That's intentional. The role of both neurotransmitters isn't fully understood, nor are the mechanisms by which they work. And there may be other neurotransmitters at play we haven't discovered yet. The brain's still kind of a mystery that way. <i>Keep that in mind. </i></div>
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In theory, "depression" occurs when we have a deficiency in one or both of these neurotransmitters. Different symptoms seem to occur with different variations in each neurotransmitter, including a lack of motivation. This is why it's exceptionally difficult if not impossible to "think" yourself out of depression. The brain chemistry controls cognition (what you think about) much more than cognition affects brain chemistry (but that can and does happen.)</div>
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So How Can We Use This Information?</h3>
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If we frame "motivation" as a function of brain chemistry, all we have to do is learn what affects said chemistry. We could take the drug route and do a few lines of coke (to release dopamine) and pop a few ecstasy pills (to release serotonin), but that process is unpredictable, temporary, prone to habituation (we develop a tolerance), and kinda addictive.</div>
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A safer, sustainable solution is to do what I mentioned earlier. If you're feeling unmotivated, you're experiencing low levels of one or both neurotransmitters, so you need to figure out what caused the drop in the first place and what will cause them to return to normal levels (thus regaining motivation.) That usually takes a good deal of experimentation, but you'll gain the ability to control your motivation levels far more than you would without the experimentation. </div>
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For me, the preventative steps I take are regular exercise, a relatively clean diet, lots o' sex, regular exposure to sunshine, and having some goal to work towards. If I can maintain all of these reliably, I never really experience a lack of motivation. Unfortunately, sometimes you get injured. Or you can't afford a clean diet. Or you get an especially cloudy winter. Shit happens. When it does, I have to take <i>curative </i>measures. </div>
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The goal of curative measures is to get out of the funk I'm in. The same basic rules apply. Exercise. Eat clean. Get out in the sun. <i>Have even more sex.</i> </div>
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Of course, the problem with taking curative steps is... you guessed it - a lack of motivation. Because it can be almost impossible to will myself to do any of these enough to actually eliminate the problem, I need a few passive options, too. Since social interactions are especially taxing during the low-motivation depressive states, social isolation works wonders. So does low-level exercise like walking. Same deal with sun exposure. The absolute perfect ideal - going for long walks alone in the sunshine. Unfortunately, I'm currently in a situation where I'm surrounded by people all the time. Getting complete social isolation would require about an hour of driving to get to the desert east of San Diego. For me, this is one of the things that makes this a somewhat difficult place to live. Luckily the ample sunshine works as a powerful preventative measure.</div>
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In the next post, I'll talk about the differences between intrinsic and extrinsic rewards, and the effects each has on motivation. <i>Teaser - this is the reason we get sick of our jobs.</i></div>
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Stay tuned!</div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092871363514975331.post-63986527882976637762016-12-07T09:19:00.000-08:002016-12-07T09:27:49.475-08:00Let's Sell the Kids and Move to Tahiti: Restlessness and the Need for Change<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Most of us say they hate being in a rut, yet we do the exact same thing day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year. We wake up in the same house, drink the same coffee, take a shit at the same time, drive the same route to work, have the same conversation with colleagues, go home and watch the same TV shows, then go to bed at the same time. </div>
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We <i>love </i>our ruts.</div>
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Occasionally we throw in sex or a vacation to keep things interesting. It reminds us there's more to life outside our normal routines. The predictability of our ruts give us a sense of security and stability. These ruts allow us to engage in higher order thinking in order to compile those reports for accounting, daydream about that new restaurant on the other side of town, or contemplate the pointlessness of our existence. </div>
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But we're quirky animals. No matter how safe and secure we get, no matter how much comfort we surround ourselves with, we're powerless against one of the most powerful of human motivators:</div>
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<i>Boredom</i>.</div>
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Eventually we get tired of our ruts. We want change. We crave something new. We crave something different. We crave something that makes us feel <i>alive</i>. We feel an urge to blow the whole damn thing up and start over... so we can build a new rut to comfortably fall into. </div>
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These feelings are nothing new. Since childhood, I've had what could best be described as a serial hobbyist approach to life. Like anyone else, I love ruts. I just don't like spending all that much time in said ruts, and I don't mind making the tough decisions needed to change ruts. </div>
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My Life in a Nutshell</h3>
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Every few years, I'll drastically change major elements of my life. This is what has motivated my career changes and geographic moves. The cycle is predictable. I'll have an idea fueled by curiosity, that will cause me to find something that interests me, and I'll throw myself into it with reckless abandon. This period is a time of great excitement and energy where I learn, explore, and grow. Eventually I reach a degree of competence in whatever it is I'm doing, then settle into a comfortable rut. There's still a lot of energy surrounding the endeavor as I work towards mastery. Once I feel I have a good handle on whatever I'm doing, the desire for novel experiences creeps in. If I ignore it, symptoms of burn-out creep in, the most significant being apathy and depression. </div>
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The most notable of these was the decision to leave the steadiness and security of full-time teaching to travel the country in an RV with Shelly and the kids. But there have been countless examples of this that have occurred on a smaller scale. All of my hobbies, like kicking footballs, woodworking, magic, ultrarunning, photography, Brazilian jiu jitsu and mma, writing, have followed this pattern. Same deal with other jobs, like working at a bike rental shop, in a grocery store, working at a concession stand at a baseball stadium, delivering for UPS, and working at lumber yards. That RV adventure with the kids, though, was the most significant.</div>
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Since that two year adventure, we've settled in San Diego. I eventually landed an entry-level job at a lumber yard and had the opportunity to make it a career. Well, kinda. Around the time I published <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1484007840/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1484007840&linkCode=as2&tag=theultrstor-20&linkId=09b4f600dad937e968487d6d9405b76f" target="_blank">Never Wipe Your Ass With a Squirrel</a>, I had been promoted and had the opportunity to move into a full-time position. Unfortunately, it would have only paid $10/ hour and it would be years before I could realistically expect a raise. Since Squirrel Wipe was selling far better than expected and was producing a lot more income than I could earn at the lumber yard, it made sense to quit the job to promote the book full-time. </div>
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Since then, I've been working on developing a career loosely based on building an online audience, then leveraging that audience in various ways to develop income. The most obvious application has been selling books like Squirrel Wipe, but also includes things like online advertising, affiliate marketing, product reviewing, and real estate lead generation. All of these endeavors involve a whole lotta social media engagement, which requires sitting in front of a computer anywhere between six to sixteen hours per day. It's basically a process of attracting and maintaining attention. I'm pretty good at it, mostly because I've systematically studied the best practices of attention-whoring for the better part of the last decade. I'm <i>really </i>good at getting people to waste embarrassing amounts of time online.</div>
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The Problem</h3>
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The problem? This rut is getting exhausting. And boring. It's getting more and more difficult to work up the motivation to engage people online. There's a constant pressure to always be engaging because engagement is directly linked to income. If I'm not engaging, I'm not making money. The tighter the finances become, the greater the pressure to be working 24/7, to the point where it's difficult to disengage and spend time with Shelly, the kids, or even pursuing hobbies like jiu jitsu. </div>
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To complicate matters, my creative well has been running dry for an unusually long period of time. When I DO manage to garner attention, I don't have a good product or service to direct people to in order to capitalize on the effort. Squirrel Wipe is four years old, which is ancient in today's marketplace. The two books I've written since, Must Have Been Another Earthquake and No Bone Zone, were targeted to tiny niche markets that are not commercially viable. Trying to generate income based on these past works requires exponentially more work as time passes. I've been supplementing that income with substitute teaching and dabbling in real estate, but finances are still a struggle. </div>
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My other projects, like San Diego Man Camp, require significant development in order to produce enough income to support my family. I have a vision for this project, but it will take time to develop. I simply do not have the creative energy at the present time to do what needs to be done to make that happen. Normally I rely on months-long phases of manic creative energy to get projects like this off the ground, but that energy isn't there right now. And I can't force it. The more I try, the more pronounced the burn-out becomes. I could take a shortcut and use this information and these ideas do some version of "life coaching", but that world consistently gives me the "icky" feelings associated with fraudulent scammers who prey on the weak or gullible. As morally vacuous as I can be, I cannot bring myself to stoop to that level.</div>
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For a while, I thought real estate might be the answer. The income potential is greater than writing books, and we live in a ridiculously expensive housing market. Commissions are superb. Initially I assumed I was burned out from writing, ergo real estate would be the change I needed. While I thoroughly enjoy some aspects of real estate, I found I hated the actual <i>selling </i>part. It took a fair amount of introspection to realize why. As it turns out, real estate requires the exact same "always on 24/7" approach as my creative endeavors. We get a lead at 9:00 on a Friday night? We have to follow up <i>immediately</i> or lose the sale. This is no different than than the pressure of always having to engage an audience. The burn-out I've been experiencing generalizes. <i>Who knew?</i></div>
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This issue of restlessness really came to a head over the last few months. It started with the desire to move to a bigger apartment or even a house. We've been living in a shitty two bedroom apartment (with three kids and three cats) in a somewhat shitty area for a few years now. It was cool for a long time because it exposed our kids to hardship and diversity, but we're kinda over that now. An external event completely unrelated to our personal lives really stoked the fire and led Shelly and I to start having conversations about possibly moving from San Diego eventually. We came to the conclusion the things that kept us here initially aren't nearly as significant as they were two years ago. Or even last year. The real telling moment came when we both started training for our upcoming mma fights. It has been FAR more difficult to rustle up the motivation to get through training camp than it was the last time I fought two years ago. The apathy is very similar to the feelings that started creeping in about six months before I ran my last ultramarathon, the Grindstone 100 in Virginia. I dismissed those feelings then, which led to completely abandoning running. I don't want to make the same mistake this time around. </div>
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Our current life here in San Diego has reached the end of the cycle. Shelly's reached a plateau at her job and I'm experiencing this burnout issue... the time is ripe to consider something different. It's time to either make changes here or move on to somewhere else. When we traveled, there were several other areas we loved, so we have a few possible destinations in mind. </div>
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The Solution</h3>
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So how do I manage this situation? How do I solve this burnout problem? How do I get out of this rut and find my new rut? The logical solution is to make a plan:</div>
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<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Step one: Find a day job.</b> Hugh MacLeod, in his excellent book <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/159184259X/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=159184259X&linkCode=as2&tag=theultrstor-20&linkId=57fd56907a798b4b4deb2ea87374976f%22%3EIgnore%20Everybody:%20and%2039%20Other%20Keys%20to%20Creativity%3C/a%3E%3Cimg%20src=%22//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=theultrstor-20&l=am2&o=1&a=159184259X" target="_blank">Ignore Everybody</a>, advises creative types to never quit their day job. His rationale was simple - the moment you put pressure on yourself to NEED your creative endeavor to survive, you cut off the freedom that's needed for creativity to thrive. That's exactly what happened to me over the last few years. To right the ship, I need a day job. I need a job I can go to regularly, earn some cash, then go home and spend time with my family without the pressure of having to work all the time. I have a few possible jobs I would like to explore, most of which involve working for school systems outside the classroom. My experiences as a substitute teacher have allowed me to really assess how and why I was burned out from teaching and allowed me to focus in on what I would really enjoy. If I find a job here in San Diego, I'll likely work it for a few years then assess the next step. I'll keep doing the real estate and writing gigs, but they'll be moved to the "side gig" category instead of "primary source of income" category. If I don't find a job locally, I'll likely expand the search and look for jobs outside of San Diego and even California. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Step two: Apply Pareto's principle to eliminate shit that doesn't matter. </b>I got the idea of Pareto's Principle from Tim Ferriss' <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0307465357/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0307465357&linkCode=as2&tag=theultrstor-20&linkId=34d9b366b7ca425f26bf5efcf5365f86%22%3EThe%204-Hour%20Workweek:%20Escape%209-5,%20Live%20Anywhere,%20and%20Join%20the%20New%20Rich%3C/a%3E%3Cimg%20src=%22//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=theultrstor-20&l=am2&o=1&a=0307465357" target="_blank">The 4 Hour Work Week</a> and even wrote about it over at <a href="http://barefootrunninguniversity.com/2010/09/30/pareto-principle-apply-it-everywhere/" target="_blank">Barefoot Running University</a>. Many of the things I do on a daily basis that once produced tangible gains no longer produce said gains, ergo I spend a fair amount of time doing what amounts to creative masturbation. So I'll take a systematic look at my daily life, identify the 20% of things that are producing 80% of the positive shit, then eliminate as much of the wasteful 80% as I can. The two most obvious examples that need to be radically cut are social media engagement and researching social media engagement best practices. Without a tangible product or service to sell, both of these provide a really shitty return on investment. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Step three: Figure out what's next.</b> This is also known as "goal setting." On a personal level, I want to spend more distraction-free time with Shelly and the kids. I also want to move somewhere more tranquil, whether it be here in the San Diego area or elsewhere. On a professional level, I want to build off the potential job I'm searching for in schools to launch an entirely new business venture Shelly and I have discussed. On the recreational level, I want to get back to lifting weights and training jiu jitsu on a more regular basis. Finally, I want to build this group into what I envision it to be. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Step four: Make all the shit in step three happen. </b>When it's time for change, it's time for change. I'm normally a huge procrastinator... until it comes to issues such as this. After our fights this upcoming Sunday, I'll fully put this plan in motion. I've already started by applying to a handful of jobs, cutting back on social media time, and researching our other possible destinations. The initial excitement I feel over these preliminary steps provides a powerful confirmation that I am indeed burned out and desperately need to change shit up. </li>
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Conclusion</h3>
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Being in a rut isn't a bad thing. Being in a rut and feeling restless? That's a different story. The older I get, the better I get at detecting when I need to change things up. More importantly, I get better at figuring out what I need to change, why I need to change it, and how to go about making those changes. It's definitely time to make these changes. We'll see how it goes. I've spent the last four years hustling to make my "creative" career work as a primary means of making a living, but it's run its course. It's time to move the creativity back to "hobby" status and chase some new goals. </div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092871363514975331.post-84978193458135984012016-09-26T11:22:00.001-07:002016-09-26T11:22:36.071-07:00How "The Patriarchy" Makes Our World Better<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-SNVOga44r0Q/V-lnXy89QBI/AAAAAAAACSk/oXnX9V_bCqk44RnqTLwB6pmce_g61ZoVACLcB/s1600/patriarchy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-SNVOga44r0Q/V-lnXy89QBI/AAAAAAAACSk/oXnX9V_bCqk44RnqTLwB6pmce_g61ZoVACLcB/s400/patriarchy.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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The following is a excerpt from my longer post from last year where <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/08/ronda-rousey-needs-to-be-face-of.html">I spell out the fundamental elements of the ideology I teach in the San Diego Man Camp</a>. In light of the recent spat of mass shootings conducted by disgruntled males here in the US recently, I want to draw attention to this particular piece of the puzzle. "The Patriarchy" is often used as a Boogieman for feminists as the cause of all our world's problems. In reality, "the patriarchy" serves to guide otherwise destructive or lazy men into more productive endeavors. </div>
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But first... the definition of "The Patriarchy." For funsies, I'll let the completely rational ladies over at Feministing offer up the definition: <a href="http://everydayfeminism.com/2014/11/what-is-patriarchy/">What Is The Patriarchy?</a></div>
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Got it? Good, let's get started.</div>
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The Real Purpose of "The Patriarchy"</h3>
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Fighting against "The Patriarchy" is a pretty common strawman argument used today to justify all sorts of attempts at silly social engineering. It IS true; we used to have a patriarchal system of government. Women were excluded from representation. Winning the freedom of equality under the law was the original goals of feminism. As I stated before, that was a great thing. People don't seem to understand, though, that patriarchy was a system to control men, not women. Women were oppressed under the system, but that was incidental to the real purpose of patriarchy.</div>
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The idea that men would have to create an entire social structure to control women should fall apart immediately when you consider one simple, irrefutable fact - men are physically stronger than women. Men don't need elaborate social structures like religion, codified laws and a judiciary, and social mores to control women. They can simply use force. Testosterone gives us a size, strength, and speed advantage, along with the capacity and primal drive to use aggression to engage in extreme violence.</div>
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Controlling each other, though... now that takes some work. THAT is the reason men developed "The Patriarchy."</div>
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To understand why men need to be controlled, you really have to understand the nature of masculinity. Masculine men have that shit-ton of testosterone flowing through our bodies, and that causes all sorts of <a href="http://press.endocrine.org/doi/full/10.1210/jc.2003-031354">well-documented behavioral and attitudinal characteristics</a>. This effect leads men to follow one of three "paths" that are driven by our primal, biological imperative:</div>
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<li style="text-align: justify;">Create </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Destroy </li>
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That's it. Those are the three options men have. If we create, we find a passion that helps our fellow man and follow it with all our heart. We become givers and strive to make ourselves the best version of us we can possibly become. This is the vehicle that has led to pretty much every major advancement of humanity. The problem with "creating" is that it's hard work. There are few tangible rewards along the way except for the journey itself. In fact, the overarching goal of the San Diego Man Camp (<a href="http://www.facebook.com/groups/sdmancamp/">join our Facebook group</a> if you haven't already done so.) This is also why I kind of despise beta males... they refuse to improve themselves or do the hard work to create. They sit on their asses, content with being "special for who they are." Anyway, I digress. </div>
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If we destroy, we become takers. This would include petty criminals, con artists, rapists, murderers, evil dictators, etc. Biggest problem with destroyers is that it's a lot easier than being a creator and <a href="http://listverse.com/2011/10/22/top-10-deadliest-rampage-killers/">one man can do a Hell of a lot of damage</a>. <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Nazi_Party_leaders_and_officials">A small group of men</a> can do even more. We don't want men to do this; it sends society backward. </div>
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The final option is to simply kick back and do nothing productive OR destructive. Weirdly, men have the capacity to be ridiculously industrious AND <a href="http://9gag.com/gag/aqmGVoY/this-guy-just-won-the-laziest-human-award">complete and total lazy fucks</a>. This is your typical lazy fuck beta male chump today, which is encouraged by modern feminists that attempt to "<a href="http://feministing.com/2015/03/19/remembering-why-redefining-masculinity-is-important/">redefine masculinity</a>." </div>
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So what does this have to do with patriarchy? </div>
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Waaaayyyy back in our evolutionary history when we were still hunting and gathering, men didn't really have much of a choice. They were productive when they needed to hunt or build shit for the tribe. They were destructive when they had to protect the tribe or forcefully acquire resources from neighboring tribes. Finally, they were lazy the rest of the time to conserve energy for famines and other harsh environmental conditions. The tribes that had the most men that could successfully do all three survived and killed those that were less successful. See where those drives originated and were selected via natural selection? </div>
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Eventually we discovered agriculture, which led to villages, towns, and eventually cities. Larger, more diverse populations and more specialization meant not all men needed to use all three of these drives, but we still possessed the potential. And sometimes bad shit happened when men decided to destroy. Or get lazy. The leaders, at some point, started devising ways to control and channel men into a pro-social way. Those methods fell into three categories: </div>
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<li style="text-align: justify;">Force </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Bribes </li>
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The problem with force is that it takes a lot of time and resources, and doesn't work especially well over a long period of time. Imagine a dude standing over your cubicle with a whip. Positive punishment, in operant conditioning terms, needs to be immediate, severe, and consistent to be effective. You end up needing almost as many whip-crackers as male workers. That's a pretty inefficient system. </div>
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The problem with bribes is that it takes a lot of resources and it causes an <a href="http://ecologyofeducation.net/wsite/intrinsic-vs-extrinsic-the-challenge-of-motivation/">extrinsic motivation effect</a>where we eventually hate what we're "paid" to do. Think of how many <a href="http://www.ryot.org/gallup-poll-70-americans-disengaged-jobs/376177">Americans today despise their jobs</a>. Without kids to raise and sex (only the rich handsome males had regular access to women, that's why the ancients were <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygyny">polygynist</a>), there was little motivation to work for rewards long-term because the rewards become ineffective. </div>
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That left "family life." At some point, leaders realized men would be motivated to choose the "create" option if they were doing it to provide for a wife and kids. He would be motivated by sex from his wife and the desire to get his genes into the next generation. </div>
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The problem with family life is that we're not all that <a href="http://www.sexpressionists.com/2014/05/are-we-paleo-sluts-or-paleo-cheaters.html">well-suited for lifelong monogamous pair-bonding</a>. We're inherently kinda slutty AND there's the problem with polygyny I mentioned before where only the best males had wives. The idea of monogamous marriage and the expectation of sexual fidelity solves that problem because it gives a lot more men access to wives. However, it requires systems to control men's desire to fuck as many women as possible and women's tendency to <a href="http://www.sexpressionists.com/2015/04/women-explained-part-two-hypergamy.html">always seek the best male they can attract</a>. THAT is where all the oppression of patriarchy comes from. The oppression of females, which did happen, was just a consequence of controlling men. </div>
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Today, we've effectively ended the patriarchy. Women now have all the legal freedoms men historically enjoyed. We now have a social, legal, and economic system that allows women access to anything and everything men have access to, which includes government support should they decide or become a single mother. It's easy to get married, easy to get divorced, premarital sex and cohabitation are common and accepted, serial monogamy has replaced "till death" monogamy as the norm, and <a href="http://www.sexpressionists.com/2014/05/whats-deal-with-monogamy.html">ethical, consensual nonmonogamy is increasing in popularity</a>. </div>
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Needless to say, all of us have incredible freedom. But that freedom comes at a very, very serious cost because far too many of us still deny that gender matters. A lot. </div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092871363514975331.post-77470168858618575482016-09-22T06:14:00.002-07:002016-09-22T06:14:37.472-07:00Set Goals No Matter How Impossible<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OPRlButHNuA/V-PNmuVdqyI/AAAAAAAACRs/S6mhhwgp9w0Ctca-BkPVRN-MlWIgMOcWwCLcB/s1600/bruce%2Ble.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OPRlButHNuA/V-PNmuVdqyI/AAAAAAAACRs/S6mhhwgp9w0Ctca-BkPVRN-MlWIgMOcWwCLcB/s400/bruce%2Ble.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Goal-setting is a time-honored pillar of self-improvement. Most recommend setting difficult-but-achievable goals, reach the goal, then set another similarly-difficult goal. This is an excellent way to systematically progress and is exactly what I use regularly.</div>
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However, I also utilize close-to-if-not-completely-impossible goals like Bruce references in the above pic. I usually use this method for very specific situations, like my hobbies. Here are two examples:</div>
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Example #1: Back when I was running ultramarathons, I would pick one particular runner who was enjoying a high level of success. The goal was simple - I wanted to beat them. If we're running the same race, I wanted to finish ahead of them. If we were running the same race but different years, I'd want to beat their time. I would study everything about them... how they train, what they eat, what gear they use, how they prepared for races... whatever. Since there would be inevitable differences between us, I would alter whatever they did to account for said differences. They were far more successful than I was, so I would use them as the model. And they would be the rabbit I would chase. It was incredibly motivating.</div>
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I would also do this with specific elements of running. For example, I wanted to get better at running uphill. The solution? Pick someone who was a phenomenal uphill runner, then shoot to beat them. </div>
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The key- the people I would choose were <i>really </i>good. I only surpassed my targets about 10% of the time, but the net effect made me a FAR better runner.</div>
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Example #2: Jiu jitsu. I spent the first two years of doing jiu jitsu learning as many of the basic, fundamental skills as I could without any specific targets. Once I felt I had a decent, well-rounded base, I wanted to start aiming for the stars. So I picked out the best jiu jitsu player I regularly trained with, and set the goal of being able to regularly beat them. So I do the same thing - closely study everything they do, then adapt it to myself then begin working hard. </div>
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Much more so than the ultrarunning goals, this one will, in all likelihood, be impossible. As a forty year old dude, I'm already fighting the losing battle with age. The target is significantly younger and more naturally athletic. <i>However</i>, jiu jitsu is a martial art specifically designed for a weaker, smaller, less athletic person to defeat a physically-superior opponent. That makes this goal <i>theoretically </i>possible, but it would require me to REALLY master every single technique and get creative with synthesizing new shit to give myself a competitive advantage. To make this goal even more difficult, the target excels at both technical proficiency and creative synthesis of the basics. There's an extremely high probability I will fail at this goal. But...</div>
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-pJrvFd29JNA/V-PYy2IfKAI/AAAAAAAACSI/JIbMlFXZDXcjuQPPPeb-aWEfYrXS0CFGwCLcB/s1600/reach%2Bfor%2Bthe%2Bstars.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="187" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-pJrvFd29JNA/V-PYy2IfKAI/AAAAAAAACSI/JIbMlFXZDXcjuQPPPeb-aWEfYrXS0CFGwCLcB/s400/reach%2Bfor%2Bthe%2Bstars.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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The lesson: If there's something you really want to master, don't be afraid of picking impossible goals. </div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092871363514975331.post-40512715772738752152016-09-19T07:06:00.001-07:002019-01-28T21:05:28.450-08:00How Older Women Can Compete With Younger Women: A Guide to Winning the Dating Wars<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-0Os818LKTkk/V9_wM8Ld2gI/AAAAAAAACRM/E_P6CFYD5tIcYj6ukxJrdJbUKIRxZFTMQCLcB/s1600/dream%2Bman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-0Os818LKTkk/V9_wM8Ld2gI/AAAAAAAACRM/E_P6CFYD5tIcYj6ukxJrdJbUKIRxZFTMQCLcB/s320/dream%2Bman.jpg" width="209" /></a></div>
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So you're a woman over thirty and you're striking out in the dating world. All you want is that perfectly-chiseled man who will buy you pretty things, take you on exciting adventures, and love you unconditionally. <i>What are you to do? </i>You've come to the right place!</div>
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This is long. There is no tl:dr. If you're too lazy to read, it would be useless information anyway.</div>
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First, I feel ya. Talking about this shit can be really difficult for all kinds of parties because it strips away the sugar coating we use to make ourselves feel better about the bleakness of life. As a 40 year old dude, I can say it also relate to the bleakness of aging and how that factors into all of this. For me personally, learning about this shit was hard because I realized <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/07/the-beta-thought-process-case-study.html" target="_blank">my former beta male self</a> wasn't just leading a less-than-effective life, but I was actively emotionally-manipulating a whole lotta people around me and had been since puberty. That's some painful shit to process. </div>
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I've spent the last 2-3 years working on honing a message that allowed me to teach other dudes and their female mates about this without that god-awful dread I went through. I do all of this shit out of a sense of compassion, though it's rarely reflected in my tone. I want to make people's lives better and I'm most effective when I'm doing exactly what I'm doing now. But it ain't subtle.</div>
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Second, and related to that last point, I have not had as much time to craft a message that makes this more appealing to women as it relates to their lives specifically. This is obvious when we start discussing <a href="http://www.sexpressionists.com/2015/04/women-explained-part-three-your-value.html" target="_blank">sexual market value</a> as women move past their late 20's. So here's an attempt at that.</div>
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Okay, first the reality. In simple economic terms, SMV is accurate and plays out as I've described. Older women are in competition with younger women, and they generally lose. The flip side - older men are in competition with younger men and generally win. Both of those scenarios have a loser; that's the nature of competition. <b>And we know what it takes to win in both scenarios.</b></div>
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For a woman over about 30, that sucks because physical attractiveness is by far the most important thing that matters to dudes universally. The "manosphere" dudes call this point where women's value on the sexual market starts to decline as "the wall." As you know, this is why the cosmetics and plastic surgery industry is so robust... looking young <i>sells</i>. It's important to note <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/08/ronda-rousey-needs-to-be-face-of.html" target="_blank">this is rooted in biology</a>. We can't talk ourselves out of this by redefining what is beautiful because what is beautiful are indicators of fertility. And we all know how that works.</div>
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So the real question women are usually asking, which I will attempt to answer - <b>how can a post-wall woman compete with women who have not passed that point?</b> I'm going to give you tips that will pertain to each of you individually; this isn't a message I could give to all women and it be effective.</div>
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Y'all, by virtue of reading this blog, are fundamentally different than 99% of your cohorts. That's <i>huge</i>. I'm going to give you some decidedly un-politically-correct masculine-voiced advice of what you can do to be more attractive to dudes because I trust all of you can read it without getting triggered because you've filled your head with feel-good nonsense that's not based in objective reality.</div>
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All other things being equal, the younger woman is going to be more objectively physically attractive. Many of you more "experienced" readers have daughters. If you showed 100 random male strangers a picture of both of you, which would they choose? Attractiveness matters a lot, so that's tip #1.</div>
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<b>Tip #1: Look as fit and hot as you possibly can.</b> Facial attractiveness is tough to reverse, but skin care and really good cosmetics do make a huge difference. Many women, as they approach and pass 40, kinda give up. The "fat is beautiful" trope is really stupid, and is a blessing in disguise. These lazy women are your competitors, take advantage. It's the reason almost all of the SDMC dudes lift weights and work to cut our body fat. Which brings me to fitness. Work out. Aim for a body fat % between 15-20%. I personally recommend <a href="http://crossfit.com/" target="_blank">Crossfit </a>for exercise and <a href="https://www.myfitnesspal.com/" target="_blank">MyFitnessPal </a>(the app) to control diet. This tip is huge. There's a chick in her mid-50's that hangs out at the pool outside my living room window. Facially, she's a <i>*generous*</i> 2 out of 10. But she's relatively fit and has a body fat percentage around 10% and an "A" cup. No ass. Yet 85% of the vacationers that are visiting, including attractive young dudes, check her out and about half strike up conversations. That's a little too skinny, but you get the point.</div>
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<b>Tip #2: Seduction matters. </b>I think most post-wall women make the mistake of trying to attract men the same way they did pre-wall, which is based entirely off physical attractiveness. <i>This is a huge mistake.</i> You have something the young chicks have... <b>knowledge</b>. Use it. I know, based on your comments, you do this already. But use it more. One of the weird skills I developed as a beta male "Nice Guy" was the ability to get women to fall in love with me. I have 100% confidence I have the skills to make any woman fall head-over-heels in love with me if I have about three months. This is how I landed my wife, FWIW. She knows this; its's an amusing story. Anyway, I can do that because I know what it takes. If you're looking for a long-term relationship (any of you could get laid at any time if you really needed to), you know what it takes to get a dude to fall for you on an emotional level. Use that. <i>The young chikas ain't got that. </i>If your seduction skills aren't in the top 5% of your peers, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1861977697/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1861977697&linkCode=as2&tag=theultrstor-20&linkId=efe30bba490b6ea0c8985cd14c2273dc" target="_blank">buy this book and follow the advice</a>. </div>
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<b>Tip #3: Be willing to do anything within reason sexually, do it quickly, and do it enthusiastically.</b> This is the basis of the "MILF teaching the young man about sexuality" arrangement that's relatively common today. We all have really dark sexual fantasies we will never, even under torture, reveal. This, by the way, is the trump card of "psychics." Tell people they have a dark sexual secret, throw out a few Forer statements (Google it), and BAM! They're 100% convinced you're Miss Cleo (RIP.) In my <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/08/ladder-theory-why-alphas-get-girl-and.html" target="_blank">"Ladder Theory" post</a>, I shared what dudes look for in chicks. Our perception of the likelihood she'll put out quickly is a HUGE part of the pie. So at least give dudes the perception you'll put out quickly. It's a great opportunity to hook them into the seduction game from Tip#2. When you do finally put out, give them the impression you'd be down to try anything once, and do it with enthusiasm, not trepidation. TMI - this is my wife. I hypothesize women who have this attitude cause a massive oxytocin dump in the brain, because it makes me want to cling to her like Hubba Bubba in your pony tail.</div>
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<b>Tip #4: Don't come off as sex-crazed.</b> You have to walk a fine line between #3 and #4. High value dudes will have confidence in doing what's needed to get you into the bedroom, so there's no need to advertise the fact that you love sex. Come off as too sexual and you'll drive those guys away (we like the challenge) and <i>attract </i>low value dudes who have no game. </div>
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<b>Tip #5: Personality matters more than most realize, but for a weird reason.</b> All of you have a particular personality. Let it fly. Show the outside world your inside world. People who are their authentic self radiate a confidence that is absolutely infectious. You hippies probably have a word for it. But it's fucking magnetic. But here's the catch. It's only magnetic to those who are like-minded. But those people... <i>they get you.</i> And people that get you want to be with you. When we're talking opposite genders... that means bonding. Outwardly, I'm a far different person than I was even two years ago. But I'm the same inside. And the difference is night and day. I just attract like-minded people. That's why SDMC has been a success... we all "get" each other. Same deal applies in relationships. Again, a personal reference - my wife and I have been through serious shit as a couple. We've also experienced all kinds of crazy shit. It would have torn most couples apart. Why did we survive? Fundamentally, we "get" each other because we're basically the same person but with genitals that match up in fun ways. The only way you get people to buy the real you is to market the real you.</div>
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<b>Tip #6: Don't be a cunt.</b> Be a decent, pleasant person. Have good manners. Be respectful. Be grateful. Don't perpetually act like a victim. Don't be a bitch. Don't be bitter and act like you have a chip on your shoulder. No talking about exes and how they fucked you over. Or worse, comparing the dude you're with to your ex... even if it's favorable. It's a huge red flag. No bitching about how unfair life is treating you. Don't be emasculating. Don't come off as a know-it-all. We hate women who always have to be right. So many women come off as just horrible people... and I don't think they have any self-awareness of this at all. Be warm, kind, and gracious. </div>
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<b>Tip #7: Be interesting.</b> Interesting people are interesting because they have depth of personality. Quite simply, they know shit about a lot of different things, and they talk about those things. One of the worst parts of the running world I was a part of for many years is almost all runners live and breathe running. The topic gets old when you're running with someone for 12 hours in the mountains. Let's face it, you've seen some shit. Almost all of you remember the Challenger. Men don't value "smart" women nearly as highly as they value "interesting" women. And those are two very, very different concepts.</div>
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<b>Tip #8: Embrace propinquity.</b> Place yourself in environments where high value men hang out. This one seems obvious, but most women don't do it. You know what kind of man you're looking for. Figure out where they exist, then go there. Propinquity is one of the most reliable predictors of people entering relationships. Take advantage of that. Likewise, <i>avoid </i>places where low value males hang out. When women ask "where are all the good men?", they're certainly not hanging out at the coffee shop or a Hillary Clinton rally. </div>
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<b>Tip #9: Don't advertise you're a fucking feminist.</b> Feminists act like dudes. Not feminine chicks who can add spice by sprinkling in some masculine traits, but dudes. Like you feel kinda gay if you're having sex with them. That's not good for a straight dude. Feminism is like alpha repellent. And beta attractant. If you ever get an apparent alpha who claims to love feminists? You're either super hot and he's trying to fuck you or, far more likely, he's a pickup artist beta who has great acting chops. Avoid discussing feminism and anything related to feminism. Keep the ideals. Dress them in a far more seductive package.</div>
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<b>Tip #10: Don't take advice from dudes who are trying to bone you.</b> I always advise men to NOT get any sex, love, or relationship advice from women. First, women don't seem to have a great grasp on what exactly turns them on (which I argue is evolution in action... it's a good thing.) Second, if the woman is attracted to you, the advice is going to be anything that maximizes her chances with you. That last point works in reverse. Except most dudes who are looking for just sex will fuck just about any woman who isn't extremely repulsive. I've seen how low this can go before... it's moderately disturbing. The point - if you ever encounter dudes who give you advice on any of this, it's safe to assume they're going to give advice to maximize their chances of boning you. If your seduction game is on point, you can actually use this bit of information in said game.</div>
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<b>Tip #11: Don't overshare. </b>Be judicious about the pace at which you self-disclose your life. You don't want to come off as if you're hiding shit, but don't reveal your deepest, darkest secrets within the first twenty minutes on the first date. Like an onion, reveal your layers one at a time. </div>
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<b>Tip #12: Don't order a fucking salad on the first lunch or dinner date.</b> Nothing says "I have a cardboard personality" like ordering salad. Order something interesting or exotic, sexy, and decadent. Then offer to share. </div>
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<b>Tip #13: Be a capable conversationalist.</b> This goes back to the "be interesting" idea, but a little more specific. When he's talking, actually listen (as opposed to composing your next statement in your head.) FAR too many people do this and it's annoying as fuck. Develop your ability to ask questions based off what the other person says. If they mention they went to school in upstate New York, follow up by asking something like "Were the fall colors as brilliant as I imagine?" Silly example, but you get the idea. Listen more than you talk. If your socialization skills aren't in the top 5% of your peers, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/007141858X/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=007141858X&linkCode=as2&tag=theultrstor-20&linkId=08a3b6243db2c22f66090dbf07ebfa8e" target="_blank">buy this book and follow the advice</a>. </div>
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<b>Tip #14: Don't be a catty bitch. </b>Women, if in the presence of a high value man, <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/07/frenemies-and-girl-power-fickle-nature.html" target="_blank">have an annoying tendency to sexually disqualify other women within eyesight</a> with comments like "look at that woman in the slutty dress. I bet she has herpes." If you're doing what it takes to assure the dude you're with is interested in you, there's no need to do this. It just makes you look like an insecure jealous or envious bitch, both of which are red flags. </div>
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<b>Tip #15: If you have kids or pets, don't talk about them unless asked.</b> It's fair to mention them, but don't make them the topic of conversation <i>unless he asks</i>. Nothing kills seduction like talk of family. Also, if he has kids and you don't BUT you have a pet, DO NOT COMPARE THE EXPERIENCES AS IF THEY'RE THE SAME THING! Being a "pet parent" isn't parenting. It's a fucking animal. This is a powerful indicator you've lost touch with objective reality.</div>
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<b>Tip #17: Be aware of the caveats of online dating. </b>Online dating is a weird animal. Generally speaking, the people who use online dating are doing so because they're either too busy to meet people in real life, are just looking to get laid with minimal effort, or have social hangups that make asynchronous, electronic communication more desirable than chatting face-to-face. For women, you're not going to find a lot of high value alpha males looking for relationships online. Most high value dudes are just looking for a string of random hookups. Those who ARE looking for commitment get snatched up by high value women almost immediately because they're so god damned rare... which is more than enough justification to make yourself as hot as possible to compete. The vast majority of men online a beta turds who are excessively needy, fat, lazy, weird in an off-putting way, or just hoping to find a woman desperate enough to fuck them. To avoid those men, I suggest adding the following like to your profile: "No male feminists." It won't completely solve the problem, but it's a good start. </div>
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<b>Tip #18: Understand not all dudes who will fuck you will want to have a relationship with you.</b> I intentionally saved this one for last because it's among the biggest mistakes I see women making. I <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/08/cant-get-that-guy-to-commit-heres-trick.html" target="_blank">explain this dynamic in more detail in this post</a>, but it basically works like this: High value dudes will tap low value women, but will only commit to high value women. Women often assume if they're good enough to fuck, they're good enough for girlfriend (or gasp - wife) material. Not so. Women looking for commitment consistently aim for men clearly out of their league, then get frustrated when those men ditch them. The problem isn't the men. The problem is the woman's failure to understand how men actually work. <b>The rule of thumb: If you have problems getting men to commit, lower your expectations and shoot for lower value men, or, as I recommend in the linked article and in some of the tips above, do the hard work of making yourself a higher value woman. </b>I recommend making a list of the things you desire from your dream man. Now make a list of the shit you bring to the table. Be honest. Do you think that dream man would be impressed with your list? If not, get to work or <a href="http://www.theonion.com/article/few-more-items-knocked-off-list-of-desirable-trait-36412" target="_blank">start crossing shit off your dream man list</a>. </div>
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Conclusion</h3>
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There you have it - eighteen tips to help older women compete with younger women. Given our society's tendency to shame masculinity, we have a glut of beta males running around. High-value alpha males capable of long-term relationships really are unicorns. These eighteen tips, if followed, will give you a HUGE advantage over all your cohorts and should give you a fighting chance with the younger, less experienced women. </div>
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Good luck!<br />
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In the next post, I'll share some tips on how to discriminate between alpha and beta males. </div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092871363514975331.post-18794552486736420682016-09-19T07:06:00.000-07:002016-09-19T09:57:52.261-07:00How Older Women Can Compete With Younger Women: A Guide to Winning the Dating Wars<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-0Os818LKTkk/V9_wM8Ld2gI/AAAAAAAACRM/E_P6CFYD5tIcYj6ukxJrdJbUKIRxZFTMQCLcB/s1600/dream%2Bman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-0Os818LKTkk/V9_wM8Ld2gI/AAAAAAAACRM/E_P6CFYD5tIcYj6ukxJrdJbUKIRxZFTMQCLcB/s320/dream%2Bman.jpg" width="209" /></a></div>
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So you're a woman over thirty and you're striking out in the dating world. All you want is that perfectly-chiseled man who will buy you pretty things, take you on exciting adventures, and love you unconditionally. <i>What are you to do? </i>You've come to the right place!</div>
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This is long. There is no tl:dr. If you're too lazy to read, it would be useless information anyway.</div>
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First, I feel ya. Talking about this shit can be really difficult for all kinds of parties because it strips away the sugar coating we use to make ourselves feel better about the bleakness of life. As a 40 year old dude, I can say it also relate to the bleakness of aging and how that factors into all of this. For me personally, learning about this shit was hard because I realized <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/07/the-beta-thought-process-case-study.html" target="_blank">my former beta male self</a> wasn't just leading a less-than-effective life, but I was actively emotionally-manipulating a whole lotta people around me and had been since puberty. That's some painful shit to process. </div>
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I've spent the last 2-3 years working on honing a message that allowed me to teach other dudes and their female mates about this without that god-awful dread I went through. I do all of this shit out of a sense of compassion, though it's rarely reflected in my tone. I want to make people's lives better and I'm most effective when I'm doing exactly what I'm doing now. But it ain't subtle.</div>
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Second, and related to that last point, I have not had as much time to craft a message that makes this more appealing to women as it relates to their lives specifically. This is obvious when we start discussing <a href="http://www.sexpressionists.com/2015/04/women-explained-part-three-your-value.html" target="_blank">sexual market value</a> as women move past their late 20's. So here's an attempt at that.</div>
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Let's Begin...</h3>
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Okay, first the reality. In simple economic terms, SMV is accurate and plays out as I've described. Older women are in competition with younger women, and they generally lose. The flip side - older men are in competition with younger men and generally win. Both of those scenarios have a loser; that's the nature of competition. <b>And we know what it takes to win in both scenarios.</b></div>
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For a woman over about 30, that sucks because physical attractiveness is by far the most important thing that matters to dudes universally. The "manosphere" dudes call this point where women's value on the sexual market starts to decline as "the wall." As you know, this is why the cosmetics and plastic surgery industry is so robust... looking young <i>sells</i>. It's important to note <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/08/ronda-rousey-needs-to-be-face-of.html" target="_blank">this is rooted in biology</a>. We can't talk ourselves out of this by redefining what is beautiful because what is beautiful are indicators of fertility. And we all know how that works.</div>
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So the real question women are usually asking, which I will attempt to answer - <b>how can a post-wall woman compete with women who have not passed that point?</b> I'm going to give you tips that will pertain to each of you individually; this isn't a message I could give to all women and it be effective.</div>
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Y'all, by virtue of reading this blog, are fundamentally different than 99% of your cohorts. That's <i>huge</i>. I'm going to give you some decidedly un-politically-correct masculine-voiced advice of what you can do to be more attractive to dudes because I trust all of you can read it without getting triggered because you've filled your head with feel-good nonsense that's not based in objective reality.</div>
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All other things being equal, the younger woman is going to be more objectively physically attractive. Many of you more "experienced" readers have daughters. If you showed 100 random male strangers a picture of both of you, which would they choose? Attractiveness matters a lot, so that's tip #1.</div>
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<b>Tip #1: Look as fit and hot as you possibly can.</b> Facial attractiveness is tough to reverse, but skin care and really good cosmetics do make a huge difference. Many women, as they approach and pass 40, kinda give up. The "fat is beautiful" trope is really stupid, and is a blessing in disguise. These lazy women are your competitors, take advantage. It's the reason almost all of the SDMC dudes lift weights and work to cut our body fat. Which brings me to fitness. Work out. Aim for a body fat % between 15-20%. I personally recommend <a href="http://crossfit.com/" target="_blank">Crossfit </a>for exercise and <a href="https://www.myfitnesspal.com/" target="_blank">MyFitnessPal </a>(the app) to control diet. This tip is huge. There's a chick in her mid-50's that hangs out at the pool outside my living room window. Facially, she's a <i>*generous*</i> 2 out of 10. But she's relatively fit and has a body fat percentage around 10% and an "A" cup. No ass. Yet 85% of the vacationers that are visiting, including attractive young dudes, check her out and about half strike up conversations. That's a little too skinny, but you get the point.</div>
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<b>Tip #2: Seduction matters. </b>I think most post-wall women make the mistake of trying to attract men the same way they did pre-wall, which is based entirely off physical attractiveness. <i>This is a huge mistake.</i> You have something the young chicks have... <b>knowledge</b>. Use it. I know, based on your comments, you do this already. But use it more. One of the weird skills I developed as a beta male "Nice Guy" was the ability to get women to fall in love with me. I have 100% confidence I have the skills to make any woman fall head-over-heels in love with me if I have about three months. This is how I landed my wife, FWIW. She knows this; its's an amusing story. Anyway, I can do that because I know what it takes. If you're looking for a long-term relationship (any of you could get laid at any time if you really needed to), you know what it takes to get a dude to fall for you on an emotional level. Use that. <i>The young chikas ain't got that. </i>If your seduction skills aren't in the top 5% of your peers, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1861977697/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1861977697&linkCode=as2&tag=theultrstor-20&linkId=efe30bba490b6ea0c8985cd14c2273dc" target="_blank">buy this book and follow the advice</a>. </div>
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<b>Tip #3: Be willing to do anything within reason sexually, do it quickly, and do it enthusiastically.</b> This is the basis of the "MILF teaching the young man about sexualality" arrangement that's relatively common today. We all have really dark sexual fantasies we will never, even under torture, reveal. This, by the way, is the trump card of "psychics." Tell people they have a dark sexual secret, throw out a few Forer statements (Google it), and BAM! They're 100% convinced you're Miss Cleo (RIP.) In my <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/08/ladder-theory-why-alphas-get-girl-and.html" target="_blank">"Ladder Theory" post</a>, I shared what dudes look for in chicks. Our perception of the likelihood she'll put out quickly is a HUGE part of the pie. So at least give dudes the perception you'll put out quickly. It's a great opportunity to hook them into the seduction game from Tip#2. When you do finally put out, give them the impression you'd be down to try anything once, and do it with enthusiasm, not trepidation. TMI - this is my wife. I hypothesize women who have this attitude cause a massive oxytocin dump in the brain, because it makes me want to cling to her like Hubba Bubba in your pony tail.</div>
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<b>Tip #4: Don't come off as sex-crazed.</b> You have to walk a fine line between #3 and #4. High value dudes will have confidence in doing what's needed to get you into the bedroom, so there's no need to advertise the fact that you love sex. Come off as too sexual and you'll drive those guys away (we like the challenge) and <i>attract </i>low value dudes who have no game. </div>
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<b>Tip #5: Personality matters more than most realize, but for a weird reason.</b> All of you have a particular personality. Let it fly. Show the outside world your inside world. People who are their authentic self radiate a confidence that is absolutely infectious. You hippies probably have a word for it. But it's fucking magnetic. But here's the catch. It's only magnetic to those who are like-minded. But those people... <i>they get you.</i> And people that get you want to be with you. When we're talking opposite genders... that means bonding. Outwardly, I'm a far different person than I was even two years ago. But I'm the same inside. And the difference is night and day. I just attract like-minded people. That's why SDMC has been a success... we all "get" each other. Same deal applies in relationships. Again, a personal reference - my wife and I have been through serious shit as a couple. We've also experienced all kinds of crazy shit. It would have torn most couples apart. Why did we survive? Fundamentally, we "get" each other because we're basically the same person but with genitals that match up in fun ways. The only way you get people to buy the real you is to market the real you.</div>
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<b>Tip #6: Don't be a cunt.</b> Be a decent, pleasant person. Have good manners. Be respectful. Be grateful. Don't perpetually act like a victim. Don't be a bitch. Don't be bitter and act like you have a chip on your shoulder. No talking about exes and how they fucked you over. Or worse, comparing the dude you're with to your ex... even if it's favorable. It's a huge red flag. No bitching about how unfair life is treating you. Don't be emasculating. Don't come off as a know-it-all. We hate women who always have to be right. So many women come off as just horrible people... and I don't think they have any self-awareness of this at all. Be warm, kind, and gracious. </div>
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<b>Tip #7: Be interesting.</b> Interesting people are interesting because they have depth of personality. Quite simply, they know shit about a lot of different things, and they talk about those things. One of the worst parts of the running world I was a part of for many years is almost all runners live and breathe running. The topic gets old when you're running with someone for 12 hours in the mountains. Let's face it, you've seen some shit. Almost all of you remember the Challenger. Men don't value "smart" women nearly as highly as they value "interesting" women. And those are two very, very different concepts.</div>
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<b>Tip #8: Embrace propinquity.</b> Place yourself in environments where high value men hang out. This one seems obvious, but most women don't do it. You know what kind of man you're looking for. Figure out where they exist, then go there. Propinquity is one of the most reliable predictors of people entering relationships. Take advantage of that. Likewise, <i>avoid </i>places where low value males hang out. When women ask "where are all the good men?", they're certainly not hanging out at the coffee shop or a Hillary Clinton rally. </div>
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<b>Tip #9: Don't advertise you're a fucking feminist.</b> Feminists act like dudes. Not feminine chicks who can add spice by sprinkling in some masculine traits, but dudes. Like you feel kinda gay if you're having sex with them. That's not good for a straight dude. Feminism is like alpha repellent. And beta attractant. If you ever get an apparent alpha who claims to love feminists? You're either super hot and he's trying to fuck you or, far more likely, he's a pickup artist beta who has great acting chops. Avoid discussing feminism and anything related to feminism. Keep the ideals. Dress them in a far more seductive package.</div>
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<b>Tip #10: Don't take advice from dudes who are trying to bone you.</b> I always advise men to NOT get any sex, love, or relationship advice from women. First, women don't seem to have a great grasp on what exactly turns them on (which I argue is evolution in action... it's a good thing.) Second, if the woman is attracted to you, the advice is going to be anything that maximizes her chances with you. That last point works in reverse. Except most dudes who are looking for just sex will fuck just about any woman who isn't extremely repulsive. I've seen how low this can go before... it's moderately disturbing. The point - if you ever encounter dudes who give you advice on any of this, it's safe to assume they're going to give advice to maximize their chances of boning you. If your seduction game is on point, you can actually use this bit of information in said game.</div>
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<b>Tip #11: Don't overshare. </b>Be judicious about the pace at which you self-disclose your life. You don't want to come off as if you're hiding shit, but don't reveal your deepest, darkest secrets within the first twenty minutes on the first date. Like an onion, reveal your layers one at a time. </div>
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<b>Tip #12: Don't order a fucking salad on the first lunch or dinner date.</b> Nothing says "I have a cardboard personality" like ordering salad. Order something interesting or exotic, sexy, and decadent. Then offer to share. </div>
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<b>Tip #13: Be a capable conversationalist.</b> This goes back to the "be interesting" idea, but a little more specific. When he's talking, actually listen (as opposed to composing your next statement in your head.) FAR too many people do this and it's annoying as fuck. Develop your ability to ask questions based off what the other person says. If they mention they went to school in upstate New York, follow up by asking something like "Were the fall colors as brilliant as I imagine?" Silly example, but you get the idea. Listen more than you talk. If your socialization skills aren't in the top 5% of your peers, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/007141858X/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=007141858X&linkCode=as2&tag=theultrstor-20&linkId=08a3b6243db2c22f66090dbf07ebfa8e" target="_blank">buy this book and follow the advice</a>. </div>
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<b>Tip #14: Don't be a catty bitch. </b>Women, if in the presence of a high value man, <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/07/frenemies-and-girl-power-fickle-nature.html" target="_blank">have an annoying tendency to sexually disqualify other women within eyesight</a> with comments like "look at that woman in the slutty dress. I bet she has herpes." If you're doing what it takes to assure the dude you're with is interested in you, there's no need to do this. It just makes you look like an insecure jealous or envious bitch, both of which are red flags. </div>
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<b>Tip #15: If you have kids or pets, don't talk about them unless asked.</b> It's fair to mention them, but don't make them the topic of conversation <i>unless he asks</i>. Nothing kills seduction like talk of family. Also, if he has kids and you don't BUT you have a pet, DO NOT COMPARE THE EXPERIENCES AS IF THEY'RE THE SAME THING! Being a "pet parent" isn't parenting. It's a fucking animal. This is a powerful indicator you've lost touch with objective reality.</div>
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<b>Tip #17: Be aware of the caveats of online dating. </b>Online dating is a weird animal. Generally speaking, the people who use online dating are doing so because they're either too busy to meet people in real life, are just looking to get laid with minimal effort, or have social hangups that make asynchronous, electronic communication more desirable than chatting face-to-face. For women, you're not going to find a lot of high value alpha males looking for relationships online. Most high value dudes are just looking for a string of random hookups. Those who ARE looking for commitment get snatched up by high value women almost immediately because they're so god damned rare... which is more than enough justification to make yourself as hot as possible to compete. The vast majority of men online a beta turds who are excessively needy, fat, lazy, weird in an off-putting way, or just hoping to find a woman desperate enough to fuck them. To avoid those men, I suggest adding the following like to your profile: "No male feminists." It won't completely solve the problem, but it's a good start. </div>
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<b>Tip #18: Understand not all dudes who will fuck you will want to have a relationship with you.</b> I intentionally saved this one for last because it's among the biggest mistakes I see women making. I <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/08/cant-get-that-guy-to-commit-heres-trick.html" target="_blank">explain this dynamic in more detail in this post</a>, but it basically works like this: High value dudes will tap low value women, but will only commit to high value women. Women often assume if they're good enough to fuck, they're good enough for girlfriend (or gasp - wife) material. Not so. Women looking for commitment consistently aim for men clearly out of their league, then get frustrated when those men ditch them. The problem isn't the men. The problem is the woman's failure to understand how men actually work. <b>The rule of thumb: If you have problems getting men to commit, lower your expectations and shoot for lower value men, or, as I recommend in the linked article and in some of the tips above, do the hard work of making yourself a higher value woman. </b>I recommend making a list of the things you desire from your dream man. Now make a list of the shit you bring to the table. Be honest. Do you think that dream man would be impressed with your list? If not, get to work or <a href="http://www.theonion.com/article/few-more-items-knocked-off-list-of-desirable-trait-36412" target="_blank">start crossing shit off your dream man list</a>. </div>
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Conclusion</h3>
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There you have it - eighteen tips to help older women compete with younger women. Given our society's tendency to shame masculinity, we have a glut of beta males running around. High-value alpha males capable of long-term relationships really are unicorns. These eighteen tips, if followed, will give you a HUGE advantage over all your cohorts and should give you a fighting chance with the younger, less experienced women. </div>
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Good luck!<br />
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In the next post, I'll share some tips on how to discriminate between alpha and beta males. </div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092871363514975331.post-31269370122287312462016-08-19T11:47:00.001-07:002016-08-19T11:47:17.148-07:00Defining Alpha and Beta<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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One of the most confusing concepts I talk about on this blog is the idea of "alpha" versus "beta." Without a doubt, it is the single biggest misconstrued idea I talk about, mostly because there are all kinds of definitions of these terms used in popular culture. Biologists have a particular definition, different flavors of feminism have different definitions, the "manosphere" uses different definitions... it's pretty damn confusing.</div>
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So... here's my explanation. Alpha and Beta are <i>two ends of a spectrum</i> of male social hierarchy (I discussed <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2016/08/the-alpha-female-what-does-she-look-like.html" target="_blank">Alpha Females in this post</a>.) In any given situation, men will consciously or unconsciously organize in a hierarchy generally based on individual's ability to be effective leaders in that specific situation. In many cases, they will have a degree of expertise in that situation. The ranking below that top alpha is based on capability. The least-capable person occupies the bottom rung of the social hierarchy, and would be considered a beta male. </div>
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The key, of course, is that the social hierarchy can and does change in different situations. The bottom-of-the-hierarchy beta can be the top alpha in a different situation. For men, the social ranking is all about <i>effective leadership in getting shit done. </i>That differs from women, who organize around an Alpha who keeps the group functioning socially. </div>
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When I talk about "alpha traits" and "beta traits", I'm really describing the characteristics that cause men to rise up the hierarchy (alpha traits) or fall in the hierarchy (beta traits.) Generally speaking, the more alpha traits a dude can display across different situations, the more "alpha" he becomes and his sexual market value rises. Similarly, the more beta traits a dude displays across different situations, the more "beta" he becomes and his sexual market value falls. <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/08/ladder-theory-why-alphas-get-girl-and.html" target="_blank">Ladder theory explains the ramifications of SMV</a>. </div>
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Our goal in San Diego Man Camp is to identify the traits that constitute "alpha", figure out how and why they work, figure out what impact these behaviors have on others, teach them, then practice whenever possible. This is what we mean when we say we want to teach men how to be better men. We're really teaching men how to be more effective leaders. </div>
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Part of this process also involves teaching beta behaviors as something to recognize and avoid unless a situation warrants. For example, many "beta" traits like caring, compassion, cooperation, self-disclosure, peacefulness, etc. are necessary for long-term relationship success, parenting, or even leading. This shit is absolutely necessary, but a man has to establish an alpha frame before he can display beta traits. </div>
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This is why we do what we do in the group.</div>
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Given the confusion on this topic, post any questions in the comments section and I'll answer them ASAP.</div>
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###Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092871363514975331.post-46573647511769032912016-08-18T08:07:00.001-07:002016-08-18T12:08:35.864-07:00Jason, Why Are There So Many Beta Males In The Ultrarunning World?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-6CnZr4D514c/V7XOV5SxHqI/AAAAAAAACQE/y4uKQxY29xUc3lTbr2bfmlT2sz8CrK3_QCLcB/s1600/40518_149379765075790_1788243_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-6CnZr4D514c/V7XOV5SxHqI/AAAAAAAACQE/y4uKQxY29xUc3lTbr2bfmlT2sz8CrK3_QCLcB/s400/40518_149379765075790_1788243_n.jpg" width="300" /></a></div>
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In the San Diego Man Camp Facebook group, we spend a lot of time discussing various hobbies. Many of us have at one time or another dabbled in the sport of ultrarunning. To the uninitiated, "ultrarunning" is participating in footraces of fifty kilometers or longer, often on trails. I'm intimately familiar with the sport as a participant and an analyst (it was the topic of my second book "<a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1484007840/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1484007840&linkCode=as2&tag=theultrstor-20&linkId=84925b8ac4f4132856bd6a44f8cfd0e8" target="_blank">Never Wipe Your Ass with a Squirrel</a>".)</div>
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A few male and female ultrarunner friends, after reading this blog and my <a href="http://www.sexpressionists.com/" target="_blank">Sexpressionists blog</a>, have noticed there seems to be a disproportionate number of <a href="http://www.sexpressionists.com/2015/04/beta-males-explained-part-one-defining.html" target="_blank">beta males</a> in the sport. I've made this same observation. In fact, my curiosity over this issue is what ultimately led me to start studying sex and gender issues again. </div>
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What are some Possible Explanations?</h3>
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There could be many reasons beta males are attracted to the sport, including:</div>
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<li style="text-align: justify;">"Running" itself is often deemed the opposite of "fighting" (think fight or flight), and people with stronger alpha tendencies are more likely to stick around and fight while people with more beta tendencies are more likely to flee. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.runnersworld.com/health/training-and-low-t-understanding-the-link" target="_blank">The activity itself lowers testosterone</a>, which causes more beta behaviors to emerge. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Ultrarunning requires hours upon hours of enduring physical pain in isolation. That combination tends to produce some really nice conditions to produce a therapeutic effect. I've found many (most?) ultrarunners have a lot of baggage from their past, and the long hours on the trails give them an opportunity to work through shit. Anyway, that baggage tends to be a) shit from childhood, or b) relationship angst. Both of these problems are synonymous with beta males.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">The sport encourages participation over competition. For everyone but the elites, there's virtually no chance of winning an ultra. So everyone focuses on finishing to earn what amounts to a participation ribbon. That lack of competitiveness also lowers testosterone. </li>
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How About Another Hypothesis?</h3>
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I've noticed almost all of the "beta males" in ultrarunning don't quite fit the typical beta mold across the board. Maybe they're not <i>real </i>beta males. Maybe many of the dudes who appear to be betas are actually "<a href="http://www.sexpressionists.com/2014/06/why-do-women-hate-nice-guys.html" target="_blank">Nice Guys</a>", who are basically closeted natural alphas who, through the conditioning process of modern Western society, have internalized the idea that masculine behaviors are bad. Here are the reasons:</div>
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<li style="text-align: justify;">Ultrarunning is a "safe" sport in that it's non-violent (unlike my newer hobbies - Brazilian jiu jitsu, boxing, and mma.) This is a key as the beta male is exceptionally prone to the opinions of others and will avoid anything that will draw the ire of society.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">It gives ample time to spend around attractive females in an asexual setting. "Nice Guy" beta males believe it is disrespectful to be sexually assertive with women, so they basically <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/08/ladder-theory-why-alphas-get-girl-and.html" target="_blank">friendzone</a> themselves by recruiting women as training partners, pacers, or crew members. They hope, by spending hours and hours with these women, they will eventually convince them of their worthiness as a mate (or fuck buddy.)</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">The females they are exposed to tend to be pretty fucking tough, thus more likely to be willing to take the lead in relationships and make decisions. "Nice Guy" beta males are petrified to make decisions because they're afraid of upsetting women, so they prefer to defer to women. They think they're empowering women. In reality, <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/07/why-do-women-loathe-indecisive-men.html" target="_blank">they're driving them insane</a>. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">The closeted alpha "Nice Guy" beta can't totally hide his alpha tendencies, and ultrarunning feeds those primal alpha drives. Ultrarunning is a dangerous sport, especially the long mountain ultras. Death or severe injury is a real possibility, which is something alpha males thrive off. For the "Nice Guy" beta male, this provides his buried "alpha-ness" the danger and adventure fix it needs to keep him from going insane. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">The latter stages of long, hard ultras strips away all the niceties of humanity and reveals our true, primal self... and some men thrive off this. When it's 3am and you're seventy miles into a hundred miler, you're cold, hungry, fighting sleep deprivation, every part of your body in chafed and in pain, your emotional control is shot, life gets pretty fucking raw. Some men hate this spot. Some <i>love</i> it. Those who love it do so because it is the essence of masculinity - experiencing and overcoming incredibly difficult shit by continuing on. We don't get this opportunity in modern society barring freak accidents or natural disasters, so ultras give closeted alphas a change to prove their manhood. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Attention. Ultras are, by design, really fucking stupid. The skillset required has little or no direct real-world application and they're stupidly difficult. To the general population, ultras appear to be insane. To the "Nice Guy" beta male, this attention fuels their need for external validation they should be getting from within.</li>
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How Do I Know If I'm One of These "Nice Guy" Beta Males/ Closeted Alphas?</h3>
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Luckily, the warning signs are pretty clear, which makes it easy to distinguish between "Nice Guy" beta males who are really closeted alphas and actual natural beta males. "Nice Guys" have the following traits:</div>
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<li style="text-align: justify;">"Nice Guy" beta males are afraid of upsetting women because they believe it will ruin their chances for casual sex, dating, a long-term relationship, or sex within a long-term relationship. In other words, they're deathly afraid of rocking the pussy boat.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">"Nice Guy" beta males have trouble understanding other males and their behaviors; they simply don't make sense. Things like cat-calling, fighting, bullying and teasing, or "peacocking" just seem like douchey behaviors that serve no purpose.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">"Nice Guy" beta males do not understand why seemingly normal women fall for "bad boys."</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">When they enter into monogamous relationships with women, the sex always starts off good then slowly decreases in frequency and quality, to the point where all sex is "<a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=starfish%20sex" target="_blank">starfish sex</a>." Intimate acts like kissing and blowjobs disappear. The "Nice Guy" will usually try anything and everything that would be considered a romantic gesture - being a better listener, buying her flowers, jewelry, lingerie, candles, exotic vacations... but none of it seems to help. <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/07/marriage-in-21st-century-is-it-really.html" target="_blank">Relationships tend to go like this</a>. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">"Nice Guy" beta males have mates who tend to nag them all. the. time. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">"Nice Guy" males tend to have few if any male friends, nor do they spend time in all-male groups.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">"Nice Guy" beta males tend to have a growing sense of existential dread, like they have no idea why they're here. They will have often worked their whole life to build what they have in the hopes it would bring happiness and fulfillment, but it only brings a feeling of emptiness, loneliness, and despair. "Nice Guy" beta males tend to bury these feelings behind a facade of fake smiles and optimism.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Read through a bunch of posts on <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/" target="_blank">Reddit's r/deadbedrooms subreddit</a>. If this hits home and you're a dude, you're a "nice Guy" beta. Or if you're a woman and this hits home, you're probably in a relationship with a "Nice Guy."</li>
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What Can Be Done?</h3>
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If any of this sounds familiar, I can relate. Like, REALLY relate. This was me (<a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/07/the-beta-thought-process-case-study.html" target="_blank">read my story about overcoming this plight in this post</a>.) If this shit resonates, know there are many of us who have overcome this, made positive changes, and are now living lives far better than the lives we once lived. The best part? Our improvements have made us better leaders, better boyfriends and husbands, and better fathers. </div>
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If you're interested in making positive changes, take a look at our <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/sdmancamp" target="_blank">Facebook group</a> and consider a <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/p/workshops.html" target="_blank">workshop</a>. It could change your life. Sorry ladies, it's a male-only group, which is by design. I do have <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/cundernot/" target="_blank">another mixed-gender Facebook group</a> if any of these ideas sound a little too familiar. Or you just want to learn more about the topic. </div>
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###Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092871363514975331.post-8365882934126695832016-08-15T11:20:00.004-07:002016-08-15T11:24:32.257-07:00The Roadmap To Solving Sex and Gender Issues<div style="text-align: justify;">
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I've been studying sex and gender for two decades, first as an experimental social psychology student, then as a high school psychology teacher, and finally as a writer. During that time, I've studied pretty much every issue that arises when discussing males and females; masculinity and femininity. The one primary problem that always eluded me:</div>
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"How do we effectively solve problems related to sex and gender that result in mutually-beneficial solutions?"</div>
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In today's social media-dominated world, many groups try to solve these problems from one of two very general perspectives:</div>
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<li style="text-align: justify;">"Feminism"</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">"The Manosphere"</li>
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"Feminism" includes all the flavors of feminism from Amazon to Trans-national with the common thread being some degree of vilification of men and masculinity as oppressors of women.</div>
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"The Manosphere" includes all flavors of pro-male groups including Men Going Their Own Way, Men's Rights Activists, The Red Pill, pickup artists, etc. The common thread tends to be a reaction to feminism and feminist ideals that have basically fucked up our social institutions. </div>
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Neither group is effective at solving problems because they become echo chambers of bad ideas that have zero chance of success. There are all kinds of reasons for this, most of which can be explained with <a href="http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/List_of_cognitive_biases" target="_blank">cognitive biases</a>. </div>
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I've spent the last three years either passively observing many of these groups, actively trolling them, or genuinely engaging in conversations. Damn, did I learn a lot! Specifically, I learned almost all of the people involved in these various groups and communities have a strong emotional attachment to whatever outcome they desire. It's not unlike the irrational attachment we see to political candidates or sports teams. I've come to realize this emotional attachment absolutely kills any chance any of these groups have of solving the problems they routinely bitch and moan about mostly because they ignore reality. At the most basic level, they cannot pass the simple test I like to use to reveal the barriers that prevent ideas from becoming reality:</div>
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<i>Ask the "If only..." question. </i></div>
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For example, "Men and women could achieve true gender equality if only..." where the answer will reveal what barriers are needed to overcome in order for the goal to be actualized. Sure, almost all of these groups WILL be able to answer the question, <i>but their answer is not grounded in reality OR is completely unrealistic. </i></div>
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In very broad, general terms, most of the feminists seem to want to destroy masculinity as a gender role and most manosphere groups seem to want to subjugate women. Both ideas are moronic because they fail to understand basic human psychology. So they bitch and moan, whine and complain. They blame, shame, and play the victim card. It's like a really, really unpleasant form of intellectual masturbation. And they go through this endless cycle because they seem to genuinely believe there will always be tomorrow. </div>
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<i>I ain't got time for that shit. </i></div>
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I have an urgency because there won't always be a tomorrow. I don't know if I will be here tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year. I don't want to <i>talk </i>about problems. I want to <i>solve </i>problems. So that's what I'm doing. Anyway, I digress.</div>
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The Problem</h3>
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As it turns out, I've discovered the problem is a whole lot simpler than I expected. Most "gender discussion groups" from any perspective are set up and administered by people who are fundamentally broken in some way (that's not a bad thing per se, as most of us have some degree of "broken".) This causes them to gravitate towards one set of particular beliefs that benefits <i>them personally</i>. That's why they cling to one perspective that makes no logical sense, nor has resulted in any empirically-verified positive outcomes. </div>
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They're not doing what they do to make the world a better place; they're doing what they do to feel better about themselves. So they become emotionally-attached to the ideas and resist alternatives.</div>
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This was my experience in a group called "The New Masculine", which turned out to be a front for the stupid OneTaste cult. It was basically a bunch of low-value females emotionally manipulating a bunch of uber-beta males. The leaders of the group were clearly exploiting the men for affirmation (and apparently money) not because their ideas worked, but rather because they needed to power to overcome their personal shortcomings. </div>
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To further compound this problem, a lot of gender discussion groups enforce exclusively masculine or exclusively feminine communication styles. That's problematic because that's not how our world works. When we police language with censoring, we create an artificial environment that does not represent the real world. Any discussions we engage in within that environment are subsequently useless. </div>
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I hypothesize this is THE reason all of these groups have such shitty real-world outcomes... they're not based on the real world. Instead, they're based on intellectual musings of broken people. </div>
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The Solution</h3>
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Turns out the apparent solution is quite simple - create and administer a group that allows men and women to communicate like most men and women communicate in real life. This is exactly what is happening in my <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/cundernot" target="_blank">Cotton Underwear Nougat Troupe group</a>. All I did was collect folks who have realized their world view might be wrong and throw them together in a group and toss out ideas to discuss. In one month, I've already made tremendous strides towards developing my own hypotheses and, more importantly, workshop content to help solve many of our most pressing sociopolitical problems starting on the individual level. </div>
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The formula is pretty simple - keep out the extremists who do not have the ability to consider alternative points of view, then set a tone of civil discussion. BAM! Phenomenal discussions.</div>
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One other significant variable seems to be most if not all of the group's membership has the ability to communicate in either a masculine style or feminine style without losing their shit, which helps immensely with misunderstandings. Those who can't handle that usually don't last all that long without getting triggered and quitting the group. </div>
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What develops are surprisingly organic discussions that closely mimic real-life interactions, which is significant. One of the greatest problems with online communication is the lack of body language and tone of voice cues, which is a fundamental problem with every other gender group I've experienced. </div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">This group, because of the quality of discussion, is a near-perfect conduit to <i>actually </i>solving all these gender-related issues.</span> </b></blockquote>
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I'll be posting more on this topic down the road as the group continues to develop.</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092871363514975331.post-53695267511235178762016-08-13T14:35:00.003-07:002016-08-13T16:22:31.267-07:00The Alpha Female... What Does She Look Like?<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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In my new gender discussion group (<a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/cundernot/" target="_blank">Cotton Underwear Nougat Troupe</a>), we spend a lot of time talking about the idea of Alpha and Beta Males. Quick refresher. For men, the alpha/beta dynamic aren't discrete categories. It's a spectrum of social dominance. In any given situation, all of the men are ranked from the top Alpha (the leader), to the #2, then the #3, and so on. The most Beta is the dude at the bottom. When we talk about "alpha" and "beta" traits, we're really describing various behaviors that positively and negatively affect your position in the social hierarchy.</div>
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An important thing to note about males and social hierarchies - it's all based on utility. We rank based on our perceived expertise and ability to lead. And it changes from situation to situation. In the San Diego Man Camp group, I'm the Alpha because the entire thing is based off my ideas. Pick any other endeavor, however, and other dudes in the group would probably assume the alpha role because they would be the most effective leader. </div>
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So What About Females?</h3>
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Females have their own hierarchy, but it plays by much different rules. Instead of being set by situational hierarchies based on expertise, it's set by social utility in general and social bonding in particular. As such, <b>the Alpha Female of the group is always the woman who can most effectively bind the group and direct its actions.</b> Alpha Females exist to keep groups together, which differs from Male Alphas who exist to get shit done. In a healthy society, we need both. </div>
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Interestingly, it's very easy to spot the alpha female in a group composed of all females. All other women will unconsciously point one or both feet at her. She often has the ability to utilize both feminine and masculine traits. </div>
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Alpha Females tend to be charming, sexually-alluring, funny, driven, and have an ability to put anyone at ease. They're natural leaders. The most successful Alpha Females will, in addition, possess all three components of the Dark Triad (narcissism, psychopathology, and Machiavellianism) traits which help them protect their tribe <i>socially</i>, which differs from Alpha Males who physically protect and provide for the tribe. In other words, people don't fuck with Alpha Females. </div>
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In any group of women, there's always <i>only one</i> Alpha Female, but the rest of the group plays specific roles like an enforcer, a joker/ weirdo, the conversation-starter, the gossiper, the whipping post, the girls who get ignored, etc. Each serves a purpose, and the Alpha Female directs them in their roles. There are no "Beta Females" per se, but there will be a ranking of each group member's importance to the group... so there IS a woman at the bottom. Additionally, most women have <i>some </i>Alpha Female capability, which could feasibly be used to rank women on an Alpha/ Beta phenomenon similar to how us dudes operate. </div>
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If the Alpha Female leaves the group, the next-most capable alpha assumes the role OR the group simply dissolves. The quality and effectiveness of any given group of females is directly related to the "alpha-ness" of the current Alpha Female. </div>
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One of the most amusing things about this dynamic occurs when two experienced Alpha Females enter a group. Since there can only be one Alpha Female, the lower-ranking Alpha Female will typically challenge the higher ranking Alpha Female to establish the position. It's <i>never </i>shared. This tends to create a lot of disruption (drama) because the group doesn't know who to follow.<br />
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It's also worth noting Alpha Females will always defer to capable Alpha Male leadership because they understand the utility that men bring to the equation. They understand genders are complimentary, not oppositional. Any effective team, organization, or even couples utilize the utility of Alpha Males and the social bonding of Alpha Females. This is the reason feminists are rarely if ever effective leaders... they don't understand this dynamic. Alpha Males aren't good at social bonding and Alpha Females aren't good at getting shit done.<br />
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Also worth noting - I've met precious few women who haven't self-identified as a "strong woman", and most seem to assume this means they're an Alpha Female. This is not the case. "Strong women" are usually the equivalent of beta males... they buy into the "you're special just the way you are" mediocrity bullshit pushed by the empowerment self-help industry.<br />
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Women, unlike men, do not get a boost to their <a href="http://www.sexpressionists.com/2015/04/women-explained-part-three-your-value.html" target="_blank">sexual market value</a> based on their alpha status, but it can get complicated because high value Alpha Males usually love Alpha Females. So there's that. But the actual traits aren't universally attractive. <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/08/ladder-theory-why-alphas-get-girl-and.html" target="_blank">It's complicated.</a> </div>
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As a weird sidebar, Beta Males who have been friendzoned by women also become part of the female "group" and assume a role just like other women. Unfortunately for the Beta Men, they don't have the same intuitive understanding of subtle female behavior, so they fall to the bottom of female social groups. As such, Beta Men can never assume the Alpha Female role. </div>
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Of all the gender-based dynamics I've studied over the years, this is the one I've spent the least time actually studying in real life... mostly because I don't care that much. It has zero personal relevance to me other than explaining it to my kids and knowing how to identify the Alpha Female in a group of women. </div>
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Additionally - if any Alpha Females OR ladies interested in improving your Alpha Female skillz and wanna have some great discussions, join the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/cundernot/" target="_blank">CUNT group.</a> We need more female voices!</div>
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Comments? Questions?</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092871363514975331.post-59175962953525218632016-08-06T07:20:00.000-07:002016-08-06T07:20:44.379-07:00Flavors of Men in Modern Western Society<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="b8gid" data-offset-key="5qasr-0-0" style="background-color: white;">
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<span data-offset-key="5qasr-2-0">I started a <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/cundernot/" target="_blank">new Facebook group recently</a>. The goal was to bring the discussions we have in our <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/sdmancamp/" target="_blank">San Diego Man Camp Group</a> into a forum that included women to discuss these issues without the new age hippie bullshit that permeates other gender discussion groups. And it has been magical. It has given the women of the group the opportunity to understand men from a masculine point of view instead of the typical feminine point of view. During the discussions, we often talk about different "kinds" of men - how we think, what we think, why we think that way, and how those thought patterns are manifested in our behaviors, beliefs, and attitudes. </span>Understanding these groups and how they fit into this whole gender thing gives us a lot of insight to the real issues we face. Here's a few along with a very brief summary and rationale:</div>
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<b style="font-weight: bold;">Natural Alphas:</b><b> </b>Natural alphas are men who have decidedly masculine traits, but have the ability and desire to temper these traits with feminine characteristics when the situation warrants. They were presumably born this way or have been trained since birth. In our modern society, these are the most desirable men. They want romantic relationships. They want to raise healthy families. They want to be community leaders. They have a life purpose outside their wives or girlfriends, and they chase that purpose with passion. They have a strong moral code and stick to it. They're fit, attractive, and stylish. These men receive a ton of female attention and have near-endless options in partners. Despite that attention, they remain loyal to their mate. Natural alphas usually have to resist their mate's <a href="http://www.sexpressionists.com/2015/04/women-explained-part-eleven-why-do.html" style="color: #1d2129;" target="_blank">taming behaviors</a> by continually passing his <a href="http://www.sexpressionists.com/2015/04/women-explained-part-eight-does-this.html" style="color: #1d2129;" target="_blank">mate's shit tests</a>. </div>
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<b>Recovered Alphas:</b> Recovered alphas are natural alphas who, at some point in their life, turned themselves into beta males. At some point, they realize this was a very bad route, and work to recover their dormant inner-alpha. In most cases, these men will be emotionally manipulative "<a href="http://www.sexpressionists.com/2014/06/why-do-women-hate-nice-guys.html" target="_blank">Nice Guys</a>" during their beta phase. The San Diego Man Camp project specifically focuses on this group; we help men rediscover their inner alpha in a pro-social way. Like the Natural Alpha, the Recovered Alpha has to fight taming behaviors by passing shit tests.</div>
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<b>Fuckboys:</b> Fuckboys are smooth natural alphas who have no desire for long-term relationships. They have all attractive masculine traits to attract females, but prefer short-term relationships or one-night stands. These are the men described in <a href="http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2015/08/tinder-hook-up-culture-end-of-dating" target="_blank">this Vanity Fair article</a>. Fuckboys are really just men having fun, but they tend to break a lot of hearts along the way because women fall for them, but they have no desire to settle down. Women WANT these men to settle down and usually go to great lengths to tame them. Fuckboys almost always settle into Natural Alphas when they find one especially high value female, they get tired of the hookup scene, or they get too old to attract a lot of female attention. Fuckboys always pass "alpha" shit tests, but usually fail "comfort" shit tests. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">James Bond is a Fuckboy</td></tr>
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<b>Pseudo-alphas:</b> Pseudo-alphas are men who do not have innate feminine traits to temper their masculine side. In many circles, this is the stereotypical "alpha male" douche. These are the loud, brash, arrogant men who treat everyone like shit. Think Jersey Shore. Pseudo-alphas are distinguishable from Fuckboys by their obvious lack of refinement. Still, these men have the ability to attract women for one-night stands, but these women usually have no desire for a long-term relationship with them. Pseudo-Alphas also pass "alpha" shit tests but fail "comfort" shit tests.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Stereotypical Pseudo-Alpha</td></tr>
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<b>Beta Providers: </b>Beta providers are either natural beta males or broken alphas who never "wake up" to the fact that they're really alphas and make the effort to become Recovered Alphas. These men have a very predictable pattern they fall into, which <a href="http://www.sexpressionists.com/2015/04/beta-males-explained-part-one-defining.html" target="_blank">I describe in detail in this Sexpressionists article</a>. Often, these men get married to women who are sick of trying to find a natural alpha or have had their hearts broken by Fuckboys. These marriages follow a very <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/07/marriage-in-21st-century-is-it-really.html" target="_blank">predictable and tragic pattern</a>. The women who marry these men also have a very <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/08/the-life-cycle-of-wife-of-beta-male.html" target="_blank">predictable and tragic pattern</a>. Beta providers fail almost all shit tests. These are the men who typically join SDMC and could most benefit from our <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/p/workshops.html" target="_blank">workshops</a>. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ted Moseby (or an uglier version) is a beta provider</td></tr>
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<b style="font-weight: bold;">Pickup Artists: </b>Pickup artists are beta males who have learned to mimic alpha behavior to pick up women for sex. Most of the time, these men are conflated with Fuckboys and Pseudo-Alphas. I draw the distinction because pickup artists are intentionally deceptive. They understand exactly what women are looking for, then become that person. The key, and the reason I place them in the "beta" category, is because their entire life revolves around women. Often, these men are really looking for female affirmations more than just sex. But sometimes it's just about sex. These men tend to be despised by women because of the deception. These dudes LOOK and ACT exactly like natural alphas, but it's a facade. Pickup Artists always pass all shit tests because they study how to pass shit tests. </div>
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<b>Dangerous Betas: </b>Dangerous betas are betas who build resentment towards women usually due to a lifetime of rejection. These men are <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/08/male-female-friendships-part-two-how.html" target="_blank">perpetually friendzoned by women</a> they perceive as their perfect soulmate only to watch them look up with Fuckboys or Pseudo-Alphas. They believe women are fundamentally evil or, minimally, completely immoral. These men are typically extraordinarily misogynistic. These are the men who stalk, rape, or kill women. Dangerous betas fail all shit tests.</div>
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Men will typically fit into one of the above groups. Sometimes men organize around various "communities." Here are a few of these communities:</div>
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<span data-offset-key="ad1a3-0-0"><b>The Red Pill (TRP):</b> These dudes are almost always beta providers and generally want either lots of pussy (they want to become Fuckboys) or long term relationships (they want to become Recovered Alphas), so they attempt to learn how women operate, so they study female behavior in the real world through the frame of evolutionary psychology. They have excellent observations, but virtually no ability to sell the ideas without sounding like a decidedly misogynistic Hitler. Part of the problem is some of them actually ARE like a misogynistic Hitler (Dangerous Betas.) This is the group I most closely relate to, and the men I attract for SDMC tend to have the same goal of desiring healthy, long-term relationships.</span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="rsfn-0-0"><b>Men's Rights Advocates (MRA):</b> These dudes, almost always Beta Providers, generally have been fucked over in divorces (via alimony, child support, or custody) or falsely accused of sexual assault. They tend to be bitter about the skewing of our legal system towards women at the exclusion of men. This is the group who tends to use the term "pussy pass", which is the phenomenon of women getting shit from men simply because they're female (like showing cleavage to get out of a speeding ticket.) I do not like this group. While they do have legitimate grievances, they tend to play the victim card and come off as whiny little bitches. They play the victim card because they learned activism from feminists. They do not understand that men cannot use the same tactics women can use. Women can be victims and society takes notice. Men cannot. They just come off as pathetic. Many of these men have the potential to become Dangerous Betas, but their activism gives them a somewhat healthy outlet. </span></div>
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<b>Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW):</b> This group, consisting mostly of Beta Providers, would *like* to have a secure, long-term relationship with a woman, but they tend to be too low value (ugly, fat, poor, too lazy to improve, etc.) They make a conscious decision to give up on the possibility of female companionship and tend to work towards other goals, usually professionally. These men usually frequent prostitutes to satisfy sexual needs. Ironically, these men's tendency to improve themselves and ignore women makes them far more attractive to women (they accidentally become Recovered Alphas), so they usually end up getting what they stopped chasing. In The Red Pill circles, this is what men do when they go into "monk mode" and ignore women for a few months to a year. As a society, we treat these men harshly, which makes me sympathetic to their plight. They're generally harmless and just trying to live their life without constant disappointment.</div>
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Conclusion</h3>
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<span data-offset-key="9ab43-0-0">Men in modern society fall into one of these categories. Understanding why they do what they do goes a long way towards understanding male behavior. The more we understand the subtle nuances of these behaviors, the more effectively we can solve some of our weird societal gender issues that plague us today. Same deal with <a href="http://www.sexpressionists.com/2015/04/women-explained-part-one.html" target="_blank">understanding female behavior</a>. Knowledge is power!</span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092871363514975331.post-54723101888715978012016-07-25T07:36:00.003-07:002016-07-25T07:39:54.241-07:00Dudes: Desperation is Creepy<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-e5cnvKLDEYM/V5YkqZB-t7I/AAAAAAAACG4/3M-PQ_1wzMsILYtcKFwEhDWPOpGBQmrKQCLcB/s1600/clingy-man.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="248" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-e5cnvKLDEYM/V5YkqZB-t7I/AAAAAAAACG4/3M-PQ_1wzMsILYtcKFwEhDWPOpGBQmrKQCLcB/s400/clingy-man.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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If I were to make a list of qualities that repulse women, "desperation" would be flirting with the top spot on the podium. <a href="http://brobible.com/life/article/guy-horrendous-facebook-faux-pas-girls-wall/" target="_blank">BroBible recently posted a Facebook message from a dude to a chick the day after making out in a bar</a>. Here's the message:</div>
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-z1FLJJU6alU/V5YjL9vZvjI/AAAAAAAACGs/2vgCrFslR_8yCA4HNagQ5Zq0lUnwn2UdQCLcB/s1600/facebook-wall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-z1FLJJU6alU/V5YjL9vZvjI/AAAAAAAACGs/2vgCrFslR_8yCA4HNagQ5Zq0lUnwn2UdQCLcB/s640/facebook-wall.jpg" width="356" /></a></div>
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So... avoid this shit, guys. If you read this and think "Wow, what a nice dude. She's one lucky princess!", you probably need to read the "essential readings" posts listed here: </div>
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<a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/p/essential-reading.html">http://www.sdmancamp.com/p/essential-reading.html</a></div>
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After you're done, join our Facebook group: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/sdmancamp/">https://www.facebook.com/groups/sdmancamp/</a></div>
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You're welcome. ;-)</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092871363514975331.post-48241654129620565042016-06-30T11:16:00.001-07:002020-02-18T08:01:45.645-08:00Bringing the World Together Via the Tribal Organization Hypothesis<div style="text-align: justify;">
I have a dirty secret to share. <i>I'm a dirty hippie liberal</i>. People that don't know me in real life and only know me via blogs or social media usually assume I'm a schizophrenic, narcissistic, douchey, white male conservative. Turns out only three of those are mostly true.</div>
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The point? I'm interested in bringing the world together. Building bridges. Making connections. Curing world hunger and assuring peace and prosperity for all. </div>
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See? Real hippie Kumbaya shit.</div>
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Anyway, the major roadblock I've found to this is our tendency to really, really dislike each other. And we're all guilty. It's easy to point out the KKK, Westboro Church, ISIS, and fans of "The View" as bigoted fucks, but we sometimes fail to realize those Bernie Sanders supporters that go on and on about their seething hatred for Donald Trump are just as guilty. Hate is a human condition. I have an entirely different hypothesis to explain that phenomenon, but that'll be another post for another day. </div>
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After studying why people seem to dislike each other so much, I've come to a simple conclusion - we suck at empathy. Sure, most people claim to be empathic. They might even be able to give scores of concrete examples. But they fail to realize they're only good at empathizing with people a lot like themselves.</div>
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This is a really easy concept to test. Simply pick a controversial topic like gun control or abortion. Find someone with a strong opinion on the matter. Ask them to explain the motivations behind the other side's position. Almost all people can give an answer, but it's almost always <i>their </i>interpretation of the other side's motives, not the other side's <i>actual </i>motives. Seems like a small point, but it's hugely important. Complex social problems require complex answers, and complex answers require a thorough understanding of all the variables at play. In our modern world, this rarely if ever happens.</div>
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As someone who is deeply interested in leadership, this has always proven to be a really fucking hard puzzle to solve. </div>
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<i>Until now.</i></div>
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The Tribal Organization Hypothesis</h3>
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Humans are social animals. It's a major reason we're at the top of the food chain. In the most simplified terms, evolution has and continues to reward those that have the ability to play a role in a social unit. For our ancestors, this meant organizing into tribes, usually around 150-300 members. Sometimes smaller. Bigger tribes would usually consist of a collection of smaller tribes united for a common goal. These tribes had specialized roles, which is sort of the point of social organization. Specialized roles were filled based on ability, which has a strong biological basis. When individuals fulfilled their biological imperative in this way, they felt complete. Like, Jerry Maguire complete. They were fulfilling a role that was both personally intrinsically motivating AND they were contributing to the greater good of the tribe. Individuals prospered and tribes prospered. It would look kinda like this:</div>
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Then came the rise of agriculture. Industrial revolution. Democracy. The Enlightenment. The rise of the city. And yes, I know this list is not in chronological order. The point - we started organizing in ways that took us away from our tribe. But all the "tribal biology" remained. So we compensated by forming a new tribe. Many tribes, actually. Think about all the "tribes" you belong to today. For me, these are just a handful of my "tribes":</div>
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<li style="text-align: justify;">Family</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Social network of real-life friends</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">MMA gym teammates</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Runner friends</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">San Diego Man Camp</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Professional networks</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">... and so on.</li>
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The problem in almost all of these cases is the issue of goals. Before we abandoned our hunter-gatherer tribal organization, survival was the game. In that high stakes world, people had a vested interest to bond with their tribe even if the tribe had significant differences. Joe, the dude who guards the perimeter of the tribe's camp, really, really hates people from the Jaguar Tribe. Sally, the tribe trader, is easily annoyed by Joe's frequent rants about those stupid, barbaric Jaguars because she knows them as kind, intelligent artisans. But their need for survival demands they find a way to get along well enough to make sure their tribe is the most powerful, thus assuring their survival. That model looked something like this:</div>
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YUc8aIE_kYE/V3VZfQtlGNI/AAAAAAAACEA/uatGHrJcEo8lO8H6lhhctJNOx2jHnJlZgCLcB/s1600/tribe%2Bbig%2Bpicture.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="580" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YUc8aIE_kYE/V3VZfQtlGNI/AAAAAAAACEA/uatGHrJcEo8lO8H6lhhctJNOx2jHnJlZgCLcB/s640/tribe%2Bbig%2Bpicture.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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This wasn't too difficult because Joe and Sally knew each other really well on a personal level. Despite their obvious differences, they also had a lot of qualities in common. They both love dancing around a fire. They both love the cave paintings on the other side of the mountain. These points of similarity are only possible because Joe and Sally have the time and exposure to get to know each other.</div>
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Now take away that need for survival, which is exactly what we have in the modern world. Imagine Joe is a modern-day police officer. Sally is an international businesswoman. They still kinda rely on each other, but that connection is too diffused for either of their brains to really grasp it on a personal level. Worse, it's extremely unlikely they will ever get to know each other on a personal level. If they ever encountered each other in real life, there's no chance they would get along. Their respective views about strangers would be a chasm that cannot be crossed by either of them.</div>
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When we moved away from tribes required for survival, we still retained that innate need to form tribes. So that's what we do. The problem? Since we don't need the tribe to survive, we no longer need the tribe to consist of people to play specific roles. When we don't need people to perform specific roles, we will avoid the discomfort of surrounding ourselves with people that think differently. Instead, we surround ourselves with people that think like us, have the same belief system as us, and behave like us. In essence, we create echo chambers. Those echo chambers severely limit human potential because we simply have no reason to get along with people that have a different biological imperative. </div>
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A modern example - the gun control debate in the US. The anti-gun side believes guns are dangerous and need to be eliminated to keep us safe. Gun advocates believe the world is dangerous and we need guns to keep us safe. Both are right and both are wrong. But both sides are absolutely convinced they are right and the other side is wrong, and we see all kinds of cognitive biases popping up to reinforce that belief. On a practical level for someone interested in leadership, this poses a HUGE problem. A mutually-beneficial solution will be impossible in the modern world because neither side has any incentive to empathize with the "other side."</div>
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This problem is made infinitely worse because of social media. The one thing that keeps us from completely abandoning our drive to create specialized tribes is in-person relationships. We all have people in our lives that have a different biological imperative, but we bridge those gaps because we have a mutually-beneficial personal or professional relationship. And there's the whole "there might be negative consequences to bitterly disagreeing with this person in real life" issue. Social media mostly eliminates those barriers, ergo we create really, really restrictive echo chambers. Being right feels phenomenal, even if it results in a radically limited world view. </div>
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Conversely, let's say we were still organized as tribes. Joe and Sally's tribe, in fact. Joe would most likely be pro-gun; Sally anti-gun. They'd have a very different point of view, but they could use their personal connection and mutually-shared survival goal as a tool to bridge the gap and reach a compromise. That's only possible because they understand each other's point of view.</div>
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So How the Fuck Does This Help?!?</h3>
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If a leader has any desire to lead a diverse group (which is inherently going to be more competitive than a homogeneous group because they're capable of responding to a much wider variety of challenges), they need a tool to get the group to move past their petty differences that result from different biological imperatives and resulting world views. Explaining the tribal organization hypothesis might be that tool.</div>
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Joe the guard and Sally the trader would normally be in a state of perpetual disagreement because they have no framework to understand each other. If this model were explained, they would come to see their world views, while different, are simply two different strategies to carry out the same function - allow the tribe to survive. </div>
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Will this work? I'm not sure. Is it worth a shot? Based on how few people I've met that actually seem to be able to empathize with people that aren't part of their echo chamber tribe, yes. It is worth a shot.</div>
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I'll probably add another post or two to hash out a few more points, like how modern man tends to ignore our biological imperative, which might be an explanation for our epidemic of chronic low-level mental health issues. </div>
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What do you think? Leave a comment!</div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092871363514975331.post-76262830586725084792016-01-19T13:55:00.000-08:002016-01-19T13:55:08.173-08:00Rites of Passage for Your Sons: Rustic Camping<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This past weekend, I took my two sons, ages nine and six, camping at a rustic campsite in California's Colorado Desert. Even though we spent three years traveling the United States in an RV, we did very little rustic camping. Taking them out to the wilderness in the middle of BFE was the perfect rationale to introduce them to a host of "man skills."<br />
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<i>[Interested in traveling or living in an RV with young children? Check out my book "<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00KJIC52O/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00KJIC52O&linkCode=as2&tag=theultrstor-20&linkId=3QAOK7X72CQ7NC3T" target="_blank">Must Have Been Another Earthquake, Kids</a>"]</i><br />
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A major motivator for the trip was to begin creating rites of passage than my sons could experience as they approach puberty. Our society has mostly abandoned the idea of rites of passage, which results in a sort of perpetual childhood/ adolescence that seemingly lasts until men reach their med-thirties. We love our children, but we don't want them to be helpless freeloaders for decades.<br />
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This is the surrounding area:<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Looking out over nothingness</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our "campsite" from afar<br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">
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Once there, we did typical rustic camping shit. We set up the tent, scavenged some random materials to make a stove, built a fire, cooked lunch and dinner, did a little hiking, and busted out the BB gun.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Learning the art of fire maintenance</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sunrise in the desert</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Southpaw marksman in the making</td></tr>
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The trip was a resounding success despite the cold and rock-hard ground (forgot any sort of padding.) My long-term goal is to continue trips like this and use them as an opportunity to teach as many "man skills" as I can teach the boys.</div>
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Eventually, for the actual rite of passage, I'll devise a series of tests that will reflect the skills I'm teaching them. </div>
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What about you? Did your father have any rites of passage you experienced? Do you do anything like this for your own sons?</div>
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Leave a comment!</div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092871363514975331.post-60586758443228503312016-01-11T09:50:00.003-08:002016-01-11T09:50:56.346-08:00Man Skills: Homemade Box Fan Beef Jerky<div style="text-align: justify;">
In the past, I've made beef jerky in the oven. It's pretty simple, cheap, and efficient. My recent <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/12/disaster-preparedness-part-one.html" target="_blank">interest in disaster preparednes</a>s brought me to a trick used by The Food Network's Alton Brown (one of my favorite celebs on the network.) He used a box fan in place of a food dehydrator. This was significant because it was done at room temperature... which could be invaluable in the event the electricity goes out for an extended period of time.</div>
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Back in the day growing up in rural Northern Michigan, extended power outages were almost always the result of ice or snow storms. Refrigeration was as simple as rounding up a few coolers and filling them with snow. Keeping things warm was an infinitely more difficult challenge than keeping things cold.</div>
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Here in San Diego, we have the opposite problem. In the electricity cut out for an extended period of time, everything we have in our freezer would eventually spoil if we couldn't eat it fast enough. Having the ability to preserve any meats we were storing in the freezer would be invaluable, especially methods that do not require electricity. All of the methods below work by removing moisture, which inhibits the growth of pathogens. Some methods utilize chemicals to further inhibit growth. Here are a few fairly easy options:</div>
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<b>1. Canning. </b>This would be my preferred method because the meats would last for a very long time... but I currently do not own a <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0000BYCFU/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B0000BYCFU&linkCode=as2&tag=theultrstor-20&linkId=PLVGKP3TBPTNRRU3" target="_blank">pressure canner</a>. And it would require a heat source that would last for the time needed to process the jars of stored meat.</div>
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<b>2. Salt curing. </b>This method involves either plastering a salty mixture over the meat or submersing the meat in a salty brine for a period of time. It's a good technique to know, but I was to impatient to try. That'll be an experiment for another day.</div>
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<b>3. Smoking.</b> I'd love to be able to hard smoke the meat, which is using a smoker to cook it at a temp higher than about 160° F. The problem with smoking? I live in an apartment with no exclusive-use outdoor area. If I smoked meats, I'd subject all of my neighbors to the smoke in one of our common areas.</div>
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<b>4. Dehydrating.</b> That leaves dehydrating. This process is handy because it can be done at room temperature. All you need is airflow. Low humidity and heat help, which we have an abundance of between March and November. Dehydrated meat can last anywhere from a few weeks to a few months depending on moisture content and storage method, so it would be an ideal method to process once-frozen meats.</div>
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My Process</h3>
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This is the process I used:</div>
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Required gear:</div>
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<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>A box fan.</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Some sort of tray that will allow air to pass.</b> I used cheap, disposable wire grill racks from Walmart. Alton used cotton-based air filters for home furnaces.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Marinade.</b> I made my own out of about a half cup of soy sauce and Worcestershire sauce, a tablespoon of honey, and red pepper flakes, and a teaspoon of onion powder, pepper, and liquid smoke. According to Alton, the soy sauce, Worcestershire sauce, honey, and pepper each act to prevent the growth of specific microorganisms.</li>
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<b>Step one</b> - Freeze the meat for about 30-60 minutes. This makes the slicing step <i>far </i>easier. This is the chunk I used:</div>
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<b>Step two</b> - Mix the marinade in a large bowl.</div>
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<b>Step three</b> - slice the meat in 1/8th inch strips going WITH the grain of the meat. </div>
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<b>Step four</b> - Marinade the meat in the refrigerator overnight. If I did not have electricity, I would marinade in a plastic bag for an hour or so and just leave it in the coolest, darkest place I could find.</div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jbA0rjmkl4s/VpPpl18cB5I/AAAAAAAAB5A/xuI5dwP4AZM/s1600/IMG_3092.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jbA0rjmkl4s/VpPpl18cB5I/AAAAAAAAB5A/xuI5dwP4AZM/s400/IMG_3092.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<b>Step five</b> - Set the box fan up like a table with the airflow blowing upward. Place something underneath the fan to allow for air to circulate. I used cans of beans. Spread the strips of meat over the drying racks, then place the racks on the fan. Turn the fan on high.</div>
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<b>Step six</b> - About every three hours, flip the pieces. This speeds the drying process.</div>
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<b>Step seven</b> - The amount of time required to reach the desired state of dryness varies based on the humidity, airflow, and thickness of the meat. I consider it "done" when I bend it and can see the fibers separating from each other. The general rule of thumb - the drier it is, the longer it will remain preserved.</div>
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<b>Step eight </b>- This step is "optional" in that I probably wouldn't use it in a disaster situation, but will for this test batch. I pre-heat the oven to 350° and bake the jerky for about six minutes on the same racks. The purpose is to raise the internal temp of the jerky pieces to 160° to kill any remaining microorganisms. </div>
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The finished product:</div>
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Storage</h3>
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Air and moisture are the enemy. Allow the jerky to cool then place it in a breathable container, then store somewhere cool and as dry as possible. Avoid closed containers that will <i>trap </i>moisture unless something is used to absorb any moisture released from the jerky. Remember, the goal was to remove as much moisture as possible. If the jerky gets moist for any reason, it will quickly spoil or require immediate re-drying. </div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_a6MDMjTaNE/VpPp9-LNaQI/AAAAAAAAB5Q/gYQlOvHZO5w/s1600/IMG_3097.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_a6MDMjTaNE/VpPp9-LNaQI/AAAAAAAAB5Q/gYQlOvHZO5w/s400/IMG_3097.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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Vacuum-sealing would be the best option, but I don't currently own a vacuum sealer. Dry canning is the next best option. Heat the oven to 350°. Place an open mason jar, the lid, and the sealing ring in the oven for 10 minutes. After the 10 minutes, take the jar out, place the jerky in the jar, then immediately close it. As it cools, it'll create an airtight seal. I'll do this with half of my jerky.</div>
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For the other half I'll be eating sooner, I just keep it in a sealed Tupperware container lined with paper towel in the refrigerator. It prevents airflow while still absorbing moisture. </div>
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But Wait...</h3>
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I bet you're wondering why I was using a box fan when the purpose was to test methods that didn't require electricity. Normally I would use an alternative method, but it's winter here in San Diego. That means our normal hot, dry weather is replaced by pleasant 65° days with occasional rain. The natural environment doesn't produce enough wind or heat to dry the jerky before the microorganisms start to grow to dangerous levels. </div>
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If it were warmer, I would use a simple outdoor solar chimney to create the air flow. A solar chimney is really just a closed box or tube that creates airflow based on the idea that hot air rises. I make mine with taller, skinny cardboard boxes. Paint the outside black (I use kids tempera paint like they use in elementary schools.) Cut a large hole in the top and another hole on one of the sides at the very bottom. Devise some sort of way to support the racks inside the box. If there are a lot of flies or other bugs in the area, I'd cover the vents with a small piece of window screen.</div>
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When you place the solar chimney in the sun, it heats the air inside. That causes the heated air to escape the top while drawing in cool air from the bottom vent. Tada! Airflow. </div>
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The volume of air isn't going to be as high as what I can achieve with a box fan, but the heat and lower relative humidity of the warmer months makes up for the difference. </div>
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Conclusion</div>
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The ability to make beef jerky without an oven or a food dehydrator, while not the easiest way to preserve meat, is a nice skill to develop. Once you do it a few times, you start to get a feel for the art of dehydrating. Specifically, you learn how and why the meat responds to various methods, which allows you to become more proficient. It doesn't take much practice to be able to transfer these skills to a campfire scenario, which would be invaluable for long-term wilderness survival. </div>
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I suspect at least a few of my regular readers are ell-versed in jerky-making. If you have any helpful tips, leave a comment!</div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092871363514975331.post-25082832130778155842016-01-06T09:48:00.001-08:002021-02-13T05:04:57.768-08:00Disaster Preparedness Part Four: What About Da Gunz?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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In the first three parts of this series, I covered the <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/12/disaster-preparedness-part-one.html" target="_blank">likely disasters we face in Southern California</a>, then discussed the <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2016/01/disaster-preparedness-part-two-food.html" target="_blank">gear and supplies I prepared</a>, and finally the <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2016/01/disaster-preparedness-part-three.html" target="_blank">skills that would be needed in the event of a disaster</a>. In this post, I'll discuss the issue of weapons in general and guns in particular.</div>
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This is a bit of a contentious issue among the general population as evident by the controversy surrounding <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/monkey-cage/wp/2016/01/06/obamas-gun-control-package-reveals-how-limited-his-unilateral-authority-actually-is/" target="_blank">Barack Obama's recent executive orders regarding gun control</a>.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5_QXL61-BF0/Vo1UIuBSksI/AAAAAAAAB4g/_j16EejyIAQ/s1600/12400474_10207692533785375_4189151558827998600_n.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="355" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5_QXL61-BF0/Vo1UIuBSksI/AAAAAAAAB4g/_j16EejyIAQ/s400/12400474_10207692533785375_4189151558827998600_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Anyway, among the disaster preparedness crowd, however, guns are often viewed as necessary for hunting and protection. Where I grew up (rural Northern Michigan), guns were just part of life. Almost everyone hunted, though a very small number of people owned guns for sport shooting or were collectors. People rarely owned guns for personal protection, but they were available if needed. They were viewed as useful tools.</div>
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Are they really necessary for disaster preparedness, though? Let's explore the pros and cons.</div>
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<h3 style="text-align: justify;">
The Advantages of Guns</h3>
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<ul>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Guns ARE a great tool for personal protection, especially when defending your house against home invaders. </b>If there was a disaster that resulted in a shortage of food, water, and medicine, looting would be an inevitability. Guns shouldn't be the first line of defense against looters, but would certainly be useful.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Guns make hunting <i>far </i>easier.</b> I spent my entire youth hunting a wide variety of game with an equally wide variety of weapons. Guns are definitely a huge advantage because they allow you to kill game from a distance. That's useful in almost any environment, especially the mountains, desert, and urban areas (you know, for hunting stray/ abandoned pets) in and around San Diego. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Guns can be a powerful deterrent.</b> If other people are up to no good but know you're armed, odds are good they'll leave you alone in favor of an easier target. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Guns can serve other useful purposes.</b> The loud report can be used as a signal. If the gun has a scope, it can be used to start fires. Same deal with the smokeless powder in the shells and cartridges. If the bullets aren't jacketed, they can be used as writing implements. In a pinch, a gun can be used as a club. </li>
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The Disadvantage of Guns</h3>
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<ul>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>They can be dangerous. </b>This is especially true for people that do not have a lot of gun safety training. I routinely see idiots making fundamental mistakes with gun handling, including not keeping it locked up, not treating it like it was loaded, not checking the breech to see if it's loaded, keeping their finger on the trigger, etc. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>They're usually expensive.</b> Good guns are not cheap. Being well-prepared for a multitude of disaster scenarios would likely require multiple guns and ammunition, which could easily cost thousands of dollars. If you're on a tight budget, there would be quite a few higher priorities. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>They require practice to become proficient. </b>Shooting isn't something you can do a few times and expect to see good results, especially if the gun is used in any sort of real-world situation.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>They announce your presence. </b>Guns are loud and the muzzle flash can be seen from considerable distance. In some cases this may be a good thing, but most of the time would be bad news. Contrary to Hollywood's portrayal, "silencers" don't actually silence firearms all that much.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>They take up space.</b> This is probably more of an issue if you're on foot, but still a consideration. Most guns weigh between five and ten pounds, plus ammunition. If you're hiking fifty miles, that's a lot of additional weight to lug around.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>They can be fragile.</b> Most guns are fairly delicate and require routine cleaning and other maintenance. In a disaster scenario where there could be flooding a debris everywhere, this could be an issue. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>You have to be willing to actually <i>use </i>it. </b>While a survival scenario has a tendency to motivate people to do things they may not otherwise be willing to do, using a gun for hunting or personal protection requires you to be willing to take a life AND face the legal, moral, social, and psychological consequences of that decision. </li>
</ul>
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My Approach</h3>
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When I weigh the pros and cons, the pros always win out. All of the cons can be negated or minimized with planning and preparation, and guns dramatically simplify and expedite food procurement. The type of guns chosen for disaster preparedness go a long way towards shifting the decision in favor of adding guns to the disaster preparedness plan. Specifically, these are the guns I would choose, along with the rationale. The list starts with the highest priority and progresses to the lowest priority.</div>
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<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Gun #1: 20 gauge pump</b> - This is my jack-of-all-trades gun. It can be used for small game and birds (with bird shot), personal protection (buck shot), and taking larger game (slugs.) It's light, the disbursed shot doesn't require precise aim, it's fairly simple and easy to maintain, and is easier to shoot for women and children (compared to the larger, more popular 12 gauge.) The shells are cheap and fairly easy to reload. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Gun #2: .25 caliber air rifle</b> - Surprised, right? I love pellet guns. The primary advantage is silence. Most only make a tiny fraction of the noise of a gun, and the larger .25 caliber pellets, with practice, can be used to kill animals as large as coyotes. The Benjamin Marauder would be my choice here.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Gun #3: .22 caliber rifle w/scope</b> - A .22 bolt action can usually fire any of the .22 cartridges, including the .22 LR (which is cheap and plentiful) and the .22 magnum (which can be used to take large game... and don't ask how I know that.)</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Gun #4: One of the Glock pistols </b>- A pistol isn't a higher priority because they're primarily used for personal protection. I just don't see a high probability of a scenario going down that would require a weapon that could be concealed. Having said that, one of the Glocks would be my first choice. They're reliable, easy to maintain, and it's pretty easy to change barrels on the various models to accommodate different calibers. If situations changed where the likelihood of having to escape the area on foot increased, the portability of a pistol would make this the #2 priority.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Gun #5: A .30-06 or .308 bolt action hunting rifle w/ scope:</b> Now we're getting into excessive firepower, but hey, why not? If I were spending any time in the wilderness hunting large game (like mountain goats), I'd want something with far more range than the 20 gauge and far more stopping power than the .22. In the ridiculously unlikely scenario of the U.S. being invaded, it would double as a decently capable longer-range anti-personnel weapon.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Gun #6: A .22/ .410 over/under</b> - This would actually be my choice as a first gun for kids. It combines the longer-range precision of a .22 with the disbursed shot of the mild .410 shotgun. </li>
</ul>
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The list could go on, but really, a large cache would be unnecessary. More guns would take up valuable space, would be excessively expensive, and, if others know about the small armory, would potentially make us a target if shit got really bad. Few looters would risk their lives to steal a few cans of green beans and Spam, but they might risk their lives for enough guns and ammo.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-RkBclGaiBnY/Vo1SrPER8qI/AAAAAAAAB4Y/Uyb93uXRFAc/s1600/zombie_gun_cache_thumb.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="356" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-RkBclGaiBnY/Vo1SrPER8qI/AAAAAAAAB4Y/Uyb93uXRFAc/s400/zombie_gun_cache_thumb.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Guns I Would Personally Avoid</h3>
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Based on my assessment of the possible disasters we could face, there are a few commonly-hoarded guns I would avoid. </div>
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<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Anti-personnel gun (AR-15/ AK-47 and their derivatives)</b> - While fun to build and shoot and a favorite among preppers, these particular guns don't offer enough significant advantages to offset their high price and relatively complex mechanisms. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>12 gauge shotgun</b> - I love 12 gauges, and they DO offer more versatility than a 20 gauge, but the mule-like kick tends to make them a poor choice for kids and weak women. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>An easy-to-conceal small pistol </b>- The logic for this gun usually revolves around the idea that you'll be in a situation where you don't want people to know you're armed. I just don't see a likely scenario where that would happen. </li>
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There you have it - my thoughts on guns in relations to disaster preparedness. This list is specifically developed based on the particulars of my situation. As such, your mileage may vary. I am interested in hearing other opinions, though. Share them in the comments section!</div>
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<br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/12/disaster-preparedness-part-one.html" target="_blank">Part One</a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2016/01/disaster-preparedness-part-two-food.html" target="_blank">Part Two</a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2016/01/disaster-preparedness-part-three.html" target="_blank">Part Three</a></div><a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2016/01/disaster-preparedness-part-four-what.html" target="_blank">Part Four </a>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092871363514975331.post-4191813106452053462016-01-02T07:29:00.001-08:002021-02-13T05:04:39.406-08:00Disaster Preparedness Part Three: Survival Skills<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-P_yS78scy3M/Vofw_MVz1ZI/AAAAAAAAB4A/4vLlupcZiU4/s1600/Naked-and-Afraid.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-P_yS78scy3M/Vofw_MVz1ZI/AAAAAAAAB4A/4vLlupcZiU4/s320/Naked-and-Afraid.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
In the <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/12/disaster-preparedness-part-one.html" target="_blank">first part of this series</a>, I explored the possible disasters we face here in San Diego. <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2016/01/disaster-preparedness-part-two-food.html" target="_blank">In the second installment</a>, I discussed water, food, and gear. In this post, I'll talk about the skills we need to develop and maintain in order to survive the various disasters we may face. Like I did with developing the supply of water, food, and gear, we'll start with the simple skills and progress to the more complex.</div>
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The goal of the list to to create a curriculum of sorts. Given that I grew up in BFE and my dad was an experienced outdoorsman, I'm minimally proficient in almost every skill listed below, and very proficient in about half. The goal, then, is to learn what I do not know, hone the skills that are rusty, and teach the skills to my wife and kids. And it provides lots of family bonding time.</div>
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Here's the list!</div>
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The Really Simple Shit</h3>
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<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Escape a house fire</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Stop, drop, and roll </b>- In the event you set yourself ablaze.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Build a fire with a lighter or matches</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Swim</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Know how to dress for various activities in various climates</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Negotiate</b> - Both negotiating prices and bartering.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Hide </b>- This includes assessing whether or not to fight, run, or hide based on the situation.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Traverse terrain based on conditions - Specific to our geography, this includes urban areas, mountains, and desert.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Getting to predetermined meeting places </b>- This is handy given we set up three meeting places depending on where we're located.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Situational awareness</b> - Constantly observe the world around you; notice anomalies.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Understand basic hydration and nutrition needs</b> - What does our bodies need to stay alive?</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Drive a car</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Rough knowledge of our geographic area</b></li>
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Intermediate</h3>
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<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Assess situations, develop and execute plan of action</b> - This is a step beyond simple situational awareness.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Prepare all the food in our stockpile</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Basic first aid, CPR -This includes assessing injuries and conditions, such as dehydration, shock, hypothermia, poisoning, and heat stroke.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Read a road map</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Foraging for food</b> - This includes both urban environments and in the wilderness.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Find water</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Purify water</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Use a sling shot</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Build a fire with a magnifying glass and a 9-volt battery and steel wool</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Build a smoke signal</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Use a signalling mirror</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Setting up a safe campsite, including location</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Build a simple survival shelter</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Identify local edible and poisonous plants</b> - Including my favorite for berries: "White and yellow, kill a fellow. Purple and blue, good for you. Red… could be good, could be dead." Also, know the universal <a href="http://adventure.howstuffworks.com/universal-edibility-test.htm" target="_blank">edibility test</a>.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Grow plants from seeds</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Change a tire</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Basic fighting</b> - Enough to fight off an attacker in order to escape.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Make money without a job</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Know Morse code</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Mending clothing</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Drive a manual transmission</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Do basic automobile maintenance</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Shit and wipe cleanly</b> - For this, of course, I recommend <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1484007840/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1484007840&linkCode=as2&tag=theultrstor-20&linkId=SLHEMH6DYPD6ULHJ" target="_blank">Never Wipe Your Ass With a Squirrel</a>. :-)</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Fishing, including spearing</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Basics of reading body language</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Open cans without a can opener</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Sharpen a knife</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Climb a tree</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Siphoning liquids</b></li>
</ul>
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Advanced</h3>
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<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Use a compass, map, and topographical map to navigate on foot</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Basic gun safety, shooting</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Build a solar still</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Collect water from dew and plants (using a sponge or a transpiration setup)</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Build a fire with at least two primitive methods</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Basic car diagnosis and repair</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Jump start a car</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Advanced fighting</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Build and use a solar oven</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Make a split-tip spear from a branch</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Trap fish and game</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Read and predict weather</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Preserve food via canning drying</b></li>
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Expert</h3>
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<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Gun cleaning and maintenance</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Cleaning and butchering game</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Making clothing</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Track animals</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Making primitive tools and weapons</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Fermenting alcohol</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Pick a lock</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Re-establish society</b></li>
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<br />Conclusion</h3>
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This list is a work in progress. Once we start testing our plans, we may identify weaknesses or other problems that require new skills. If all five members of my family become proficient in all these skills, we'll be an in excellent position to survive and thrive in any disaster situation.<br />
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In the next post, I'll discuss security and the contentious <i>gun </i>issue.</div>
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<br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/12/disaster-preparedness-part-one.html" target="_blank">Part One</a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2016/01/disaster-preparedness-part-two-food.html" target="_blank">Part Two</a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2016/01/disaster-preparedness-part-three.html" target="_blank">Part Three</a></div><a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2016/01/disaster-preparedness-part-four-what.html" target="_blank">Part Four </a>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092871363514975331.post-10481747985297238652016-01-01T08:51:00.001-08:002021-02-13T05:04:29.306-08:00Disaster Preparedness Part Two: Food, Water, and Gear<div style="text-align: justify;">
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8jkWU3ZScxI/VoatnUjHFyI/AAAAAAAAB3s/dqovUFS29es/s1600/Survival-Gear-List-200x200.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8jkWU3ZScxI/VoatnUjHFyI/AAAAAAAAB3s/dqovUFS29es/s1600/Survival-Gear-List-200x200.jpg" /></a></div>
In the <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/12/disaster-preparedness-part-one.html" target="_blank">first post in this serie</a>s, I talked about the antecedents to disaster preparedness in San Diego including characteristics of the area and the most probable disasters we face here. In this post, I'll talk about the actual process of gathering the gear and supplies needed to survive in the event of a short-term disaster. </div>
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The general idea behind my plan is to tackle the lowest-hanging fruit first. And work on my tendency to used mixed metaphors. Or similes. Or whatever the fuck you call them. Anyway, I'll start with all the stuff that requires little effort, is free, or both. This includes things like checking smoke alarms, making sure all window and door locks work, and starting to stockpile water. We'll start by thinking short-term, then fill out the plan over time to prepare for longer and longer disasters.</div>
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The first part of the plan is to prepare for three days of zero outside support. What would we need to survive on our own for those 72 hours? Three days is a pretty short time. Honestly, given the weather in San Diego, it would be totally possible to survive most situations with a few bottles of water and a blanket in the winter. The goal, though, is to create a foundation of gear and supplies that would be increasingly more valuable if the impact of the disaster lasts more than 72 hours. Let's get started!</div>
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Water</h3>
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As I mentioned in the last post, San Diego's water supply is uncomfortably fragile. Given that few people actually stockpile water and it only takes 2-3 days for people to die of dehydration, a disruption that lasts more than a few days would create an exceedingly unpleasant situation. Stores would sell out quickly and the vast majority of the population would be <i>really </i>desperate, especially in the heat of summer. Desperate people to scary stuff. </div>
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The general rule of thumb is to plan one gallon per person per day. If you're active, that number should be doubled. For my family of five, that would mean five gallons per day. For all my initial planning, I assume I'd need supplies for three days. Once I get those supplies procured, then I plan for longer time frames. Water is the exception. I want a seven day supply on-hand from the onset, so I need to stockpile 35 gallons of water. I store this water in a variety of places in a lot of smaller containers both for convenience and, depending on the disaster, helps assure at least some of the supply would survive. </div>
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This is exclusively for drinking purposes only. I also stockpile another ten to twenty gallons of water for cleaning purposes or flushing the toilets. I would normally stockpile more, but I have access to a large swimming pool and hot tub filled with non-potable water. If there was any sort of advance warning, like an impending storm, I would also fill our bathtub with water. </div>
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Since we live in a small apartment, I'll limit my water reserves to about seven days. In the event it was needed, I have the capability to use some solar stills to convert non-potable dirty water (from the pool, ocean, puddles... whatever) into clean drinking water. As long as it's not cloudy, I can produce five gallons per day even in the winter. </div>
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Food</h3>
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Stockpiling food is as straightforward as stockpiling water. I assume we need about 2,000 calories per day for a total of 10,000 for the family, then multiply that by the number of days. Since humans can live for two to four weeks without any food, having a huge stockpile in this early stage of disaster preparedness isn't necessary. I'll start with a three day supply consisting of shelf-stable foods that do not require cooking. Spam, tuna, canned veggies, canned fruit, jerky, trail mix, dried fruit, crackers, cereal, peanut butter, evaporated or powdered milk, chocolate, Tang, and instant coffee make up the vast majority of the supply. I also have white rice and dried beans in the stockpile, but both require cooking (if there was a power outage, I have the materials to build a solar oven.)</div>
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All the Other Gear and Supplies</div>
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Everything else is carefully chosen to help solve specific problems that may arise, to help procure and prepare food, water, or provide security or comfort. </div>
<ul>
<li></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Lifestraw - </b>This nifty water filter typically used by hikers was chosen because it is small, light, and pretty effective. Even though I have a stockpile of water and solar stills, water is a critical need that's absolutely necessary. <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B006QF3TW4/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B006QF3TW4&linkCode=as2&tag=theultrstor-20&linkId=DX4JWO535LFUWASD" target="_blank">Order one here</a>. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Topographical and road maps for the entire Southwest</b> - In the event I do not have access to the Google Maps app on my phone, the maps come in handy. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>(3) Bic butane lighters</b> - Disposable butane lighters are handy because they're waterproof, cheap, and reliable. It's far easier starting a fire with one of these than a primitive method.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Bbox strike-on-anything matches</b> - You can never have enough methods to start fires. I would also recommend waterproofing the matches. Here are <a href="http://foodstorageandsurvival.com/how-to-waterproof-matches/" target="_blank">two excellent methods</a>. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Basic first aid kit</b> - This simple kit includes things like band-aids, gauze, Neosporin, OTC pain relievers, anti-itch cream, burn treatment, etc. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>(5) plastic spoons, forks, and knives</b> - So we don't have to eat with our hands... until all the plasticware is broken, of course.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Steel wool</b> - Can be used for cleaning or starting a fire with a 9 volt battery. <a href="http://www.instructables.com/id/How-to-make-fire-using-only-a-battery-and-steel-wo/" target="_blank">Instructions can be found here</a>. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Bottle water purification tabs</b> - Again, water's important. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Roll paper towel</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>(12) rolls of toilet paper</b> </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>(6) cans Sterno</b> - It's not ideal for cooking, but it's cheap, stable, and easy to transport if needed.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Bottle rubbing alcohol</b> - Can be used to disinfect and can be used as a fire-starter. If you happen to have the materials, you can even make <a href="http://www.thesodacanstove.com/alcohol-stove/how-to-build.html" target="_blank">a small alcohol stove</a>. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Can opener</b> - It's not necessary, but a nice convenience. Here are some more labor-intensive alternatives <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EE3vMNwj7FQ" target="_blank">if you don't have access to one</a>.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Bar of soap</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Small bottle of dish soap</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Fishing line, sinkers, hooks</b> </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Emergency radio</b> - I like <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B007KFLVTM/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B007KFLVTM&linkCode=as2&tag=theultrstor-20&linkId=UATM7T5UVTYZU6JF" target="_blank">this particular model</a>. It can run on batteries, solar power, and crank, or can be attached to external power, and it can even be used to charge your phone.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Set extra shoe laces</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>100 feet of paratrooper cord</b> - Paracord is handy shit. If you like spending cash,<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00T402W4E/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00T402W4E&linkCode=as2&tag=theultrstor-20&linkId=36IDWZSWQUVNO44W" target="_blank"> these premade "survival" bracelets</a> can be fun additions to your supplies. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Adjustable wrench</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Vice grips</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Crowbar</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Hammer</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Multipurpose tool</b> - I recommend the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0002H49BC/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B0002H49BC&linkCode=as2&tag=theultrstor-20&linkId=23U6WX2EEG4MGDBH" target="_blank">Leatherman Wave</a>.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>(3) glow sticks</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>(2) LED flashlights</b> - I HIGHLY recommend the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00KA50G68/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00KA50G68&linkCode=as2&tag=theultrstor-20&linkId=FNFSJKEHCIMFNH4C" target="_blank">Fenix LD22</a>. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Rechargeable batteries, solar/crank charger</b> - I haven't tested these enough to give specific recommendations. The goal is to have a method of charging batteries for the flashlights and other devices in the absence of electricity. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>(3) candles</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Compass </b>- As a backup to a real compass, download a compass app for your cell phone using the built-in magnetometer. . </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Sharpening stone</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Whistle</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Roll heavy-duty aluminum foil</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Pack straight razor blades</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Mechanical pencils, pens, Sharpie marker, and paper</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Roll duct tape</b> - Make sure it's high quality. I like the extra-sticky Duck brand. And it can be used for <a href="http://www.outdoorlife.com/blogs/survivalist/2012/06/25-practical-survival-uses-duct-tape" target="_blank">almost anything</a>. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Potassium iodide (anti-radiation)</b> - Admittedly, this feels a tad excessive, but still a good precaution. Here's some useful <a href="http://emergency.cdc.gov/radiation/ki.asp" target="_blank">reading from the CDC</a> on the hows and whys of potassium iodide.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Extra contacts for all + solution</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>10 coffee filters</b> - These could be used for a cup of joe, or they can be used to filter all kinds of shit. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Box large plastic storage bags</b> - For storage, I prefer gallon size freezer bags from Ziplock.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Box black garbage bags</b> - They can be used for garbage, making a solar still, sealing windows and doors, or as a really shitty shelter.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>(5) toothbrushes and toothpaste</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Close-able clothes pins</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>scrub brush</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Small signal mirror</b> - I recommend <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00K6M5EMG/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00K6M5EMG&linkCode=as2&tag=theultrstor-20&linkId=MKXFFYS7P7O2UEKV" target="_blank">this one</a>. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Unscented bleach</b> - When mixed with one part bleach and nine parts water, it can be used to disinfect. Mixed at a 1:16 ratio, it can be used as a quick and dirty water purifier.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>(5) pairs of surgical gloves</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>(5) mylar space blankets</b> - These gems have a ton of useful purposes.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>(2) large sheets of plastic, one clear, one black</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>tarp</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Playing cards </b>- to combat boredom. For the adventurous, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001KAM5TI/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B001KAM5TI&linkCode=as2&tag=theultrstor-20&linkId=3YXUANAZLNZOEANY" target="_blank">I recommend these</a>. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Box of wine</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Wall and car phone chargers for any device you may be carrying</b> </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Copy of all important documents</b> - This includes birth, marriage, and death certificates, loan documents, pictures, passports, insurance papers, etc. When time allows, I like to make a hard copy and store it in a waterproof bag, and also burn PDFs of the documents on a DVD. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>ABC fire extinguisher </b>- The "ABC" refers to the types of fires the extinguisher can be used to extinguish, and these cover all the bases. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Dental floss - </b>Waxed, unflavored, which can be used for a multitude of purposes.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Hand sanitizer </b>- it can double as a fire-starter.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Q-tips</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Tweezers</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Small glass magnifying glass</b> - can be used to start fires. Or fry ants.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Sun screen</b> - SPF 50, waterproof. This is a biggie here in the Southwest.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Break-proof thermometer</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Eye dropper</b> - used to measure bleach</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Tent</b> - Keep them simple. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Small pocket umbrella</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Bolt cutters</b> - Having the ability to cut through chain-link fences could be handy. <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000NQ4OYO/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B000NQ4OYO&linkCode=as2&tag=theultrstor-20&linkId=YUAWNGGJ3LKO34IL" target="_blank">This pair</a> is small, cheap, and effective.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Sewing kit</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Earth-colored and flat black spray paint</b> - Sometimes you want to be as visible as possible. Other times? Not so much. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Insect repellent</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Bottle of multivitamins</b> - I specifically choose my food supply to provide for all required vitamins and minerals, and malnutrition isn't likely going to be an issue over the course of three days, Still, this is something that will be handy if you don't have access to a diverse diet.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Sling shot</b> - They're quiet, reliable, and can be used for defense and hunting. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Pellet gun + 2,000 pellets</b> - I would label this one as a low priority, but something useful to have on-hand if you have the resources. Pellet guns are quiet, accurate, and reliable. They can be used for hunting, and a .25 caliber can be used to take rodents, birds, and varmints. Note - faster muzzle velocity is NOT better. The <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00IVKA5GK/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00IVKA5GK&linkCode=as2&tag=theultrstor-20&linkId=2MYBSVDK6S7CY5IW" target="_blank">Benjamin Marauder</a> is an excellent choice. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>(2) headlamps + batteries </b>- Hands-free lights are especially handy.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Pepper spray</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Foam ear plugs</b></li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>(5) wide-brimmed cotton hats</b> - I prefer the military-style "boonie" hats.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Large sponge</b> - Can be used to collect dew off plants and other surfaces in the morning.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Two-way radios</b> - Having alternative communication devices is smart, and two-way radios are a good choice. <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001WMFYH4/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B001WMFYH4&linkCode=as2&tag=theultrstor-20&linkId=OZPB6KE4GLT4Q66Z" target="_blank">I recommend these</a>. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Neodymium magnets </b>- These tiny wonders have a million potential uses.</li>
</ul>
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Putting It All Together</h3>
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Back in Michigan, there would have been little reason to ever evacuate other than a house fire. Our duplex we were renting actually flooded once, but it only affected the basement. As such, there was no need to make sure all the gear and food was mobile. </div>
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San Diego is another story. Some of the possible disasters discussed in the previous article would require evacuation. In other cases, evacuation would be advisable, but not necessary. Because of this, we need to be able to keep the gear together in one place. I'm currently using a large duffle bag, but will soon upgrade to two backpacks for ease of carrying should it become necessary. The food is kept in a Rubbermaid storage container, which can double as a water receptacle. </div>
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The goal is to have all the gear and supplies ready so we could theoretically bail out in a matter of minutes. If we did have to evacuate, the earlier the better. As I mentioned in the previous article, the huge population, limited highways, and rugged mountains and desert make Southern California a potential evacuation nightmare. It requires me to consider the pros and cons of evacuating versus staying put, which would be determined by the nature of the disaster. </div><p>
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In the next post, I'll discuss the skills we need to develop to be adequately prepared to survive a disaster.</p><p></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/12/disaster-preparedness-part-one.html" target="_blank">Part One</a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2016/01/disaster-preparedness-part-two-food.html" target="_blank">Part Two</a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2016/01/disaster-preparedness-part-three.html" target="_blank">Part Three</a></div><a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2016/01/disaster-preparedness-part-four-what.html" target="_blank">Part Fou </a><p><br />
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<br /></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092871363514975331.post-49725497975982939312015-12-31T16:16:00.003-08:002021-02-13T05:04:13.755-08:00Disaster Preparedness Part One: Assessing the Risk<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ZQiBX60BXVA/VoV871DhaYI/AAAAAAAAB3Y/MS0kICcLozY/s1600/End%2Bof%2Bthe%2BWorld.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ZQiBX60BXVA/VoV871DhaYI/AAAAAAAAB3Y/MS0kICcLozY/s400/End%2Bof%2Bthe%2BWorld.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Part of "being a man" involves taking care of your tribe. This series will explore the topic of disaster preparedness. Sometimes bad, unexpected shit happens. Most people rely on others to get them through any hardship. Just watch the news. How many times do you see a disaster situation and countless people paralyzed with fear or completely incapable of fending for themselves? One of my goals as a man that's working to get better at being a man is <i>avoiding </i>that common scenario.<br />
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Years ago when I lived in Michigan, I developed a "what if" plan should we ever experience any sort of unexpected disaster. I liked to think of it as insurance. Having grown up in a rural area miles and miles away from any town, I fully understand the need to be able to handle your own shit. If we ever needed services like police, fire, or ambulance, the response would take at least 10-20 minutes. </div>
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My plan at the time wasn't very elaborate and consisted of making copies of important documents and storing them in a remote location, having a three day supply of food and clean water, and making sure we had a healthy supply of flashlights and batteries. It was Michigan; the biggest dangers we faced were prolonged power outages from snow storms or the possibility of a tornado. </div>
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When Shelly and I left Michigan to travel around the country in an RV, we went through many different geographical areas. That variety provided a bit of a challenge, but the RV itself was great. If a disaster was predictable (like a hurricane, severe thunderstorm, snow storm, flooding, wildfires, civil unrest... whatever), we could simply move. Some of the unpredictable events, like earthquakes, were okay, too, because the RV was designed to be tossed around. About the only two disasters we couldn't prepare for would be a tornado or volcano, and the latter is almost always predictable. </div>
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When we settled in San Diego, we still lived in the RV for a year. All the same rules applied; I wasn't especially concerned because we could escape in our self-contained, well-stocked living unit. About two years ago, we moved into an apartment. In true procrastinator fashion, I'm just now reformulating my disaster preparedness plan for our new situation. In this post, I'll outline exactly what I'm doing to prepare. </div>
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Some Facts About San Diego</h3>
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The first step in developing a plan is to assess the area. San Diego County is a huge metropolitan area with a population of around 3.2 million residents, making it one of the ten biggest cities in the United States. There are six international airports within 100 miles, and two ports of entry into the US. There are a myriad of military bases and installations in the area, including the home of the Navy's Pacific fleet. There's also a decommissioned nuclear power plant north of the city, which is significant because they buried millions of pounds of nuclear waste along the shoreline.</div>
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As far as climate, San Diego varies from pleasantly mild to hot depending on the time of year and location. The farther you travel from the ocean, the more variable and extreme the weather gets. The northern part of the county is somewhat like an arid Mediterranean climate, whereas the south and east parts of the county are more like a semi-arid steppe. The whole area only receives about 10 inches of rain annually. </div>
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Another consideration is the possible evacuation routes. San Diego is pretty much in the same boat as Los Angeles. It's a densely-populated urban area surrounded by fairly rugged mountains, then hundreds of miles of brutal desert. There are really only three major highways out of the area, and two lead north to Los Angeles. There are ten or so other possible routes, but all are two lane highways that twist and turn through mountains. Imagine 3.2 million people all fleeing using the same highway and having nearly zero infrastructure capable of handling such a large number of displaced individuals. Those few desert towns ain't gonna be able to handle millions of ill-prepared, panicked people. Depending on the reason for evacuation, that could be <i>very </i>problematic, and will alter my plans a bit.</div>
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<h3 style="text-align: justify;">
Possible Disasters</h3>
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The next step in the plan is assessing the probability of possible disasters. This is accomplished by looking at the incidence of past disasters, then looking at other possible disasters that may not occur regularly, but are still possible. Here's a run-down for San Diego county.</div>
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<ul>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Water Curtailment </b>- Water in San Diego is a fickle mistress. Only about 15-20% of the water used originates locally via reservoirs, water recycling, and a new desalination plant that opened in Calsbad. The rest comes from Northern California and the Colorado River. To compound the problem, we're in the midst of a severe drought. Given we get so little rain and have very little access t water supplies, we're uncomfortably dependent on others to supply our water. Over the three years we've been here, our water supply has been shut off about twenty times (all due to local not regional issues.) Because of the regularity in a loss of access to water and the potential for a catastrophic interruption in the entire county's water supply, this is the number one priority in my plan.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Wildfire </b>- Pretty much the entire county is a tinder box just waiting to ignite, especially during the dry season from May to about December. The area has experienced a few severe fires over the years. We were present during one of the major events, which happened in May of 2014. There were two major fires less than a mile from our home. They cancelled schools because of the possible danger of fires. Like water interruptions, wildfire danger factors heavily in my plan.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>House fire</b> - This one gets surprisingly little attention from doomsday planners, but statistically is the most likely. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Home invasion</b> - This isn't a major concern mostly because a) we live in an apartment in an RV park that has multiple gates and two security doors, b) we don't have anything worth stealing (yay thrift store shopping!), and c) there are a lot better (and easier) targets all around us. Still, it's worth considering. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Flood </b>- Flooding is less of an issue for me personally; we live on the second floor of a building on a hill. Still, the occasional heavy rains can cause severe flooding, but it only lasts for a few hours before the excess water runs out to sea.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Earthquake </b>- San Diego, like all of California, has a higher-than-average risk for earthquakes. However, the danger is significantly less than other areas like LA and the Bay Area. Earthquakes are probable, but due to excellent building codes, not likely to cause widespread destruction.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Tsunami </b>- Like the flooding issue, this isn't a problem that would affect our home. We live about 700 feet above sea level. Still, a tsunami would wreck havoc for the coastline, which would impact us indirectly. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Hurricane </b>- The odds of a hurricane hitting San Diego is extremely remote given the ocean currents drive cold water from the Northern Pacific and the different directional wind patterns at high and low altitudes tend to sheer storms before they make landfall. Still, it's possible a very weak hurricane could hit. Storm surge wouldn't be a huge issue, and winds wouldn't be ridiculously strong. But the rain... that could do some serious damage. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Severe thunderstorm </b>- The threat of severe thunderstorms (and lightning, hail, and tornadoes) are improbable, but not impossible. Still, the same weather effects that insulate us from hurricanes also insulates us from severe storms. Having come from the Midwest, the threat of severe thunderstorms is not a concern.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Prolonged power outage</b> - Back in 2011 (before we lived here), electricity to the entire county was cut off due to a problem at a substation. It only lasted around 12 hours for most people, but the stories I've heard are... troubling. Back in Michigan, it wasn't unusual to lose power for days at a time. Everyone was prepared and life went on as normal. A lot of people here simply panicked, lost their shit, and had no idea what to do. And it only lasted 12 hours. If the power supply were ever interrupted for more than a day or so here, given the reliance on electricity and lack of preparedness, I think pandemonium would break out. Preparing for no electricity is easy. Preparing for other people? Not so much.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Pandemic </b>- There's a lot of people and goods traveling through San Diego. That, coupled with a large population, means the area is especially susceptible to the fast spread of contagious diseases. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Terrorist attack </b>(Biological agent, dirty bomb, EMP attack, fuck with water supply) - I don't worry about isolated terrorist attacks like that which happened in <a href="http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-san-bernardino-shooting-live-updates-htmlstory.html" target="_blank">San Bernardino recently</a>, mostly because it's such a statistically-insignificant danger. I'm more concerned with a major terrorist attack, especially one targeting our fragile water supply. Even though it's extremely unlikely, an electro-magnetic pulse attack (EMP, the result of a nuclear explosion, which destroys electronics across a widespread area) is pretty damn scary. In an instant, all electronics would cease to function from our phones, computers, radios, and televisions to our cars, boats, and airplanes. We would have no electricity, no water, and no sewage. It's scary enough to compel me to plan enough non-electronic redundancy into my plans to cope with such an event, most of which would be the same planning for an electricity outage.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Nuclear attack</b> - Like the other items towards the bottom of the list, this is extremely improbable. However, San Diego IS home to a ton of military targets including the Navy, has a lot of long runways (destroying runways destroys our air superiority) and is an important port. In the event of a nuclear war, San Diego's getting hit.</li>
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This isn't an absolutely comprehensive list, but it does cover most of the probable events. Some events that aren't covered, like an asteroid hitting the Earth, would be pretty similar to some of the others.</div>
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Conclusion</h3>
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This is the basic information I need to start building my plan. I know the basics of the area and the most probable disasters we'll face. In the next part, I'll discuss the formulating on the plan and the first steps of the actual preparedness. In future sections, I'll talk about adding to the plan to make it more flexible and the process of actually <i>testing </i>the plan. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"> </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/12/disaster-preparedness-part-one.html" target="_blank">Part One</a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2016/01/disaster-preparedness-part-two-food.html" target="_blank">Part Two</a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2016/01/disaster-preparedness-part-three.html" target="_blank">Part Three</a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2016/01/disaster-preparedness-part-four-what.html" target="_blank">Part Four </a><br /></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092871363514975331.post-11423820612583617052015-12-02T09:19:00.000-08:002015-12-02T09:19:11.484-08:00How Cults Prey on Weak, Vulnerable Men<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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About two months ago, myself and several members of the <a href="http://www.facebook.com/groups/sdmancamp/">SDMC Facebook group</a> and I joined another Facebook group to do some field research and maybe have a little trolling fun. The group was supposedly set up to discuss gender in general and masculinity in particular. I didn't realize it at the time, but the group turned out to be a front for a cult I had briefly researched way back in the mid-2000's, then had interviewed a few former members when writing <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1502931583/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1502931583&linkCode=as2&tag=theultrstor-20&linkId=NMYOGFRPSMHFVMXL">No Bone Zone</a>. </div>
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It didn't take very long to discover the connection between the cult and this particular group. Like most cults, the group catered to damaged people, most of which were either going through an existential crisis, had recently experienced a major negative life-changing event, had a troubled childhood, were struggling to meet partners (especially men searching for women), or were desperate to experience a sense of belonging. The group leaders would pick up on these weaknesses and exploit them to draw the people closer. A few ex-members of the cult explained that was the process used to sell workshops and other such financial exploitation. </div>
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Normally I'm a pretty calloused dude when it comes to other people and the consequences of their bad decisions. I'm usually of the "If these dudes are stupid enough to buy this bullshit, they deserve to have their lives driven into the ground" mindset. </div>
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But this was different. Based on my own past experiences and the shared experiences of a lot of the SDMC members, I knew a lot of these dudes were doing what they were doing because they could not see an alternative. In most cases, they lived their lives in a way that led to a shit-ton of pain and hardship and this group WAS their alternative. They failed to understand there are a myriad of alternatives. Like any good cult, this particular group heavily censored dissent under the guise of "language policing", which is just a form of virtue-gilded oppression.</div>
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So What Makes These Men So Vulnerable?</h3>
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In short, the vast majority of the men that stuck around more than a day or two simply did not know how to be a man. In many cases, they were raised by single mothers and had zero masculine male role models. In a few cases, they had been badly burned by women. That includes painful break-ups, divorce-rape (occurs when the woman gets the house, lots of alimony, child support, and custody of the kids), or having been the victim of female emotional of physical abuse. These men had little or no emotional resiliency; even the lightest teasing was taken as an aggressive attack. They had little or no understanding of male social hierarchies. They had little or no ability to explain, understand, or predict female behavior. That extended to having no concept of the antecedents of female desire and arousal. They also had little or no ability to objectively measure if their participation in the group was helping them or making their life worse. All of these behaviors were encouraged and enabled by the senior members of the group.</div>
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The real hook, though, had to do with the original reason the cult showed up on my radar in the first place - they give desperate men access to vagina. If there was one common denominator that tied all the long-term male members together, it would be their repeated failures with women. As much as we like to deny it, our primal drive for sex is our species' most easily exploitable weakness. And this group does just that.</div>
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Okay, So How Do Men Avoid The Cult Trap?</h3>
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Before I go farther, it's important to note that, at the end of the day, I really do not care if dudes get wrapped up in batshit-crazy cults. It's the same approach I take with <a href="http://www.sexpressionists.com/2015/07/why-i-dont-care-about-converting-beta.html">converting beta males</a> - I don't help people that don't want to help themselves. And I do not care what other people do if it has no direct impact on my life. Having said that, I do feel a twinge of social responsibility to plant seeds for the dudes that may currently or will some day look for different, probably better answers.</div>
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Anyway, I digress. </div>
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In theory, a man that is actively trying to get better at being a man (our definition of "masculinity") SHOULD be pretty damn resilient to the allure of cults. In this specific case, the cult ropes men in based on a promise of access to women, though they're really just used as human sex toys (the practice is based on the woman receiving pleasure while the dude just gets blue balls.) A man SHOULD be living his life based on his mission, not living his life to seek out (or give pleasure to) women. </div>
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Also, a man that is actively trying to get better at being a man SHOULD be skeptical of anything and everything they encounter, especially the stuff that seems to make the most sense. In other words, men never develop unconditional love for any one particular belief or idea. They're always searching for better answers. As such, they adopt an incredibly skeptical view of anyone claiming to be a "guru" of any sort. They understand they know themselves a million times better than anyone else, therefore they're in the best position to measure the outcomes of any given idea.</div>
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How about specifics? Here are eight things all men should be doing:</div>
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<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Always ask for empirical evidence.</b> This is something this particular cult could not provide. Several of us repeatedly asked for any supporting empirical evidence that the ideas tossed around in the group actually worked. Peer-reviewed meta-analyses that are supported by a large consensus of scientists is the ideal, but any data is better than no data.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Always ask for reports of objective results.</b> If we're going to make our lives better, we need to measure the objective outcomes of our decisions. If we're going to test an idea, it's wise to consult with those that have tried it before. If they cannot explain the objective results they're experienced, run. Run and don't look back. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Never trust people that censor language, ideas, or beliefs. </b>This one's a no-brainer. Censorship is oppression, and will often be carried out under the guise of "protecting" people. It doesn't protect people. It controls people.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Never fully trust people that are selling you shit.</b> They have a vested interest in compelling you to think a particular way. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Surround yourself with diverse, cynical assholes. </b>Curating a large group of cynical assholes may be one of my crowning life achievements. My group of real-life and social media friends have no problem speaking their mind whenever I throw out new ideas. Since they're such a diverse group (politically, socially, from different religions, racially, different ages, etc.) I can always count on getting feedback from all kinds of different angles. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Don't take advice from women about anything related to masculinity. </b>This one is tough for a lot of dudes. Most men are pretty desperate for female affirmation (usually in the form of access to pussy.) Logically, it makes sense. Want women? Ask women what they want. There's two problems with this. First, there's a disconnect between what women think arouses them and what actually arouses them (which is supported by... you guessed it, empirical data.) Second, the woman you ask is going to be biased. If she's into you, she'll be all over you and you won't have a chance to ask the question. If she's not into you, she's sexually repulsed by you and will give you advice to get you away from her because she doesn't want to lead you on. </li>
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So there you have it - six methods to help inoculate you from being that weak man that gets roped into a cult. Hopefully it'll help some dudes that might fall prey to their predatory practices. If you think you might be in a cult or susceptible to cults, just start making the appropriate life changes. Start developing an attitude of self-experimentation and surround yourself with that diverse group of assholes. In short - <i>learn how to stop being a weak man.</i> </div>
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<i>Edit - Some have asked what happened with the group. They booted me out. Asking questions and challenging ideas are dangerous to those who have an agenda that demands blind allegiance. </i></div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092871363514975331.post-60369404479692495242015-09-13T08:18:00.001-07:002015-09-13T08:52:19.152-07:00"My Wife Won't Do That, But She Did With Her Ex. Why?!?"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Today we're going to talk about an exceedingly common scenario that occurs in modern relationships. A man will display classic <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/07/the-beta-thought-process-case-study.html">beta characteristics</a> in a relationship (<a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/07/the-ultimate-guide-to-mastering-shit.html">failing to pass shit tests</a>, placating, supplicating, being indecisive, placing her on a pedestal, <a href="http://www.sexpressionists.com/2014/06/why-do-women-hate-nice-guys.html">doing "Nice Guy" behaviors</a>, getting fat, etc.) This causes his wife to lose respect for him, forces her to take the leadership role in the relationship, and subsequently lose all sexual interest in him. The couple typically go from a relatively active sex life during the <a href="http://www.sexpressionists.com/2015/03/the-honeymoon-phase-dont-get-get-fucked.html">honeymoon period </a>to infrequent, <a href="http://www.sexpressionists.com/2015/04/women-explained-part-nine-advertising.html">lame maintenance sex</a>. In this scenario, the dude will usually beg and plead to add sexual variety to their routine (different positions, oral, anal, whatever.)<i> She will always refuse.</i></div>
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At some point, the beta dude will get some insight to her sexual past (usually from her friends) and find out she did all kinds of kinky shit with exes (or with one night stands.) The beta husband will be understandably furious she was willing to do shit with their exes but are now refusing to do them with him. A typical and classic real-life example of <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3kq8ll/why_would_my_32m_wife_32f_of_7_years_do_intimate/">this situation can be found here</a>. </div>
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So What's Going On?</h3>
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The explanation for this concept is quite simple - her exes were significantly more sexually arousing than the beta husband. She's an <i><b>alpha widow</b></i>. As arousal increases, inhibitions decrease and passion increases. She's had the taste of that dominant, sexually assertive alpha, and the gentle tender overly-emotional smothering from her beta husband simply doesn't trigger the same desire. Instead of feeling a strong desire to please her sexual partner, she's <i>repulsed </i>by him.</div>
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Unfortunately, the beta male instinctively know this, it's just hard for him to admit on a conscious level. He can feel her reluctance. He can feel the disgust when they try to kiss her. He can sense her aversion to his body. He knows she's having sex out of a sense of obligation; to keep him minimally satisfied. He may genuinely love him, she just doesn't want to have sexual contact with him. She's fulfilling a <i>duty</i>, not voluntarily giving in to her <i>desire</i>. </div>
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The weird thing about this phenomenon is that women rarely understand why their beta husbands eventually repulse them sexually. <i>On paper</i>, they should be their perfect prince. Nice, caring, attentive, showers her with attention and gifts, will drop anything the second she calls... it's like he fell straight out of a Disney movie. <i>But he doesn't give her the tingles</i>. It's such a problem, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypoactive_sexual_desire_disorder">doctors have given it a name</a> and drug companies are developing <a href="http://time.com/3924245/flibanserin-female-viagra/">drugs to solve the problem</a>. Maybe I'm too much of a liberal hippie, but the idea that we're pathologizing a lack of female desire AND giving them drugs as the solution seems... I don't know... vaguely oppressive. </div>
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What's a Better Solution?</h3>
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The solution to this problem is actually rather simple. He needs to learn to be an alpha in the relationship. If he wants his wife to do the things she did in her past, she needs you to become a man that can arouse her like her past alpha conquests. He <i>could </i>keep doing what he's done in the past and use guilt, shame, begging, pleading, or whining to manipulate her into more frequent, kinky sex, but it's not going to be genuine. He could drug her with the new female Viagra, thus becoming the kind of guy that needs to drug her to get sex (sounds rapey, doesn't it?) He could just find a new woman that, for a while, will give him the affection and honeymoon sex he craves.</div>
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<i><b>Or he could take on the challenge of becoming a man.</b></i></div>
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Given all the options, I would strongly advise dudes take that last option. How? Read through our "<a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/p/essential-reading.html">essential reading</a>" section and join our <a href="http://www.facebook.com/groups/sdmancamp/">San Diego Man Camp Facebook group</a> (sorry ladies, it's a male-only group.) </div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092871363514975331.post-76408557599487829412015-09-09T13:58:00.000-07:002015-09-09T13:58:52.528-07:00Married Dude Advice: If You Skip These Steps, Going Alpha Will Fail<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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One of the major goal of the San Diego Man Camp project is to help guys get better at navigating relationships. For single guys, this is pretty straight-forward. For guys in relationships, it gets a little tricky. If you've already established yourself as a beta male, you can't just flick the "alpha" switch and expect her to happily go along. Suddenly becoming more dominant and assertive and demand respect, without the appropriate priming, will likely make bad relationships worse.</div>
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The key - you have to establish the subtle aspects of being a man before you bust out the more overt behaviors. You have to <i>earn </i>her respect first. I call this stage the "priming" stage. To do that, follow these simple steps:</div>
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<b>Step One: Get off your lazy ass and get in shape. </b>Odds are good you're kinda fat. Get naked. Look in a full-length mirror. If you were a women, would you want to fuck you? If not, get to work. Start lifting, eat less (and cut out the junk food), and add in a sprinkling of cardio. </div>
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<b>Step Two: </b><b>Dress better.</b> This is tied to getting fit. The better you look, the better people respond to you. The better people respond to you, the more confidence you develop. It creates a really effective feedback loop.</div>
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<b>Step Three: </b><b>Learn to rein in your negative emotions. </b>If you lose your temper, whine, cry, complain, mope, or any other such behavior, you're doing it wrong. Unless something truly tragic happens, save those emotions for your <a href="http://www.facebook.com/groups/sdmancamp/">male-only groups</a>. Alphas learn to control their emotions instead of letting their emotions control them. To do this, study <a href="http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/02/02/how-to-be-a-stoic/">stoicism</a> or meditation. For mediation, I highly recommend <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0062265431/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0062265431&linkCode=as2&tag=theultrstor-20&linkId=QJVME62DQV7HTUCS">Dan Harris' book</a>.</div>
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<b>Step Four: </b><b>Protect her.</b> Make her feel safe and secure. The more anxiety a woman feels, the less she's going to enjoy life. </div>
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<b>Step Five: </b><b>Gain the respect of those around you.</b> How your extended family, friends, coworkers, and other acquaintances view you matters. If they do not respect you, your wife cannot respect you. Earn their respect.</div>
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<b>Step Six: </b><b>Increase your income.</b> If you're unemployed or under-employed, correct that as soon as possible. Being a provider is one side of the <a href="http://www.sexpressionists.com/2015/04/women-explained-part-two-hypergamy.html">hypergamy </a>coin and plays an important role in the attraction she feels for you.</div>
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This stage often takes a significant amount of time depending on how many of these traits you possessed before the relationship or in the early stages of the relationship. In most cases, it might take a few months up to a year to get to the point where you're ready to move on to the point of asserting yourself as the leader of the relationship. When you can pass the "Alpha Test" I describe my post on hacking female ovulation, you're probably ready.</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092871363514975331.post-55361749741205335812015-08-30T10:00:00.002-07:002015-08-30T10:12:20.045-07:00Can't Get That Guy to Commit? Here's the Trick, Ladies<div style="text-align: justify;">
Yesterday, I had an interesting conversation on my Facebook wall about guys that do not commit. The discussion was based around <a href="http://elitedaily.com/dating/mistaking-sex-for-affection/1193333/" target="_blank">this article</a> where one friend is chastising another for hooking up with a dude that's not interested in commitment. She then claimed to not criticize hookup culture, then went on a long diatribe about hookup culture and how it has replaced "dating."</div>
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Here's the deal, ladies. As I explained in <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/08/ladder-theory-why-alphas-get-girl-and.html" target="_blank">the Ladder Theory post</a>, dudes have two ladders they place women on - the "Marriage Material" ladder and the "Fuckable" ladder. Generally speaking, almost all women land on the "Fuckable" ladder by default. Give a dude some alcohol and privacy (nobody finds out) and our "fuckable" standards typically drop pretty low, especially for a one-night stand. Slightly higher value females may become fuck-buddies (meet up for sex on an ongoing basis) If the woman is somewhat higher value (fun and/or decently hot), he may desire a friends with benefits arrangement (meet up for sex and nonsexual things, but avoid exclusivity and a deep emotional connection.)</div>
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Generally speaking, most higher value dudes (alphas) are going to resist committing to women because they have options. Their abundance mentality gives them the freedom of being able to wait to commit until a very high value woman comes along. This is why they resist committing to one-night stands, fuckbuddies, or friends with benefits... they're just not good enough relative to the caliber of women that one particular dude can attract.</div>
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The problem the author of the Elite Daily article seemed to ignore is the fact that women aren't simply entitled to have access to exclusive relationships with high value men. The comments from my Facebook discussion echoed this "entitlement" sentiment. Some women seemed to be genuinely offended (with one even tossing out a "misogyny" claim) at the idea that men can and do reject women because they're not good enough. Believe it or not, guys have standards. The standards for "willing to have sex with this woman" are significantly lower than "willing to commit to this woman", and that entry into relationships is controlled by men. </div>
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<i>The rule: Women control access to sex; men control access to relationships. </i></div>
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Saying women are entitled to relationships with any men they want is essentially the same as saying men are entitled to sex with any woman they want. Creepy, right? It's just as creepy when you ladies do it.</div>
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Options</h3>
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So what is a girl to do? Here are some options:</div>
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<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Stay the same and lower your expectations.</b> This is the strategy <a href="http://www.theonion.com/article/few-more-items-knocked-off-list-of-desirable-trait-36412" target="_blank">this lady is using</a> (thanks Onion!) This is the easiest "lazy" solution as it doesn't require any actual self-improvement. Simply stop chasing high value guys. Given the nature of the sexual market, any woman will be able to find a man willing to commit as long as she has low enough standards. If that's not acceptable, the other option is to...</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>Improve yourself.</b> If you're not happy with the quality of men you can attract, the only solution is to make yourself better. The general rule - the lower the commitment, the higher value guy you can attract. It looks like this:</li>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Y9q6INRTW6Y/VeMrAaPa3eI/AAAAAAAABdo/2uaTca0Dl0M/s1600/smv%2Bof%2Bmales%2Band%2Bcommitment.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="360" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Y9q6INRTW6Y/VeMrAaPa3eI/AAAAAAAABdo/2uaTca0Dl0M/s400/smv%2Bof%2Bmales%2Band%2Bcommitment.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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In other words, the lower the commitment, the higher the value of the male a woman can attract. When a woman improves herself, she improves her ability to attract higher value males at all points on the graph above. What exactly do women need to "improve" to attract a higher value mate? If you're interested in a low or no-commitment relationship (just sex), improvement should focus on becoming more physically attractive and be more overtly sexual. If you're interested in securing a higher value male for a long-term relationship, improve physical attractiveness and be more overtly sexual, but also work on the personality traits of exuding trust, loyalty, admiration, and respect. Basically work on <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/07/for-ladies-concise-guide-to.html" target="_blank">the things men want in a high value woman</a>. Specific dudes may have other qualities they're searching for, but these are the universals that'll work for all men.</div>
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Female Objection</h3>
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These discussions get a little weird because a lot of women really oppose the idea that a woman should have to improve to "land a man." That's the reason I mentioned option #1. Women shouldn't have to improve to land a man. However, if you're unhappy with your prospects OR are hooking up with a dude that is resisting commitment, improving yourself is the only solution. </div>
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As an example, the woman pictured on the left would have a lot more options after she became more fit in the picture on the right.</div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-cbTVGgjkOHo/VeMvVupjm-I/AAAAAAAABd4/Lzyhg3mhAKU/s1600/beforeandafter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-cbTVGgjkOHo/VeMvVupjm-I/AAAAAAAABd4/Lzyhg3mhAKU/s400/beforeandafter.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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The woman on the left is attractive enough to get a lot of guys that would be interested in sex, but the higher value dudes would pass on any sort of commitment. After improving fitness, she would be able to attract higher value dudes willing to have sex, but more importantly, she would be able to get MUCH higher dudes that would be willing to commit to her. Hard work pays off.</div>
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Spend Time Improving the Things that Matter</h3>
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Women sometimes fall into a trap of believing they have to improve qualities that simply don't matter all that much. <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/08/lies-we-tell-ourselves-wealth-status.html" target="_blank">As I discussed in this post</a>, things like status, power, and wealth rarely if ever increase a <a href="http://www.sexpressionists.com/2015/04/women-explained-part-three-your-value.html" target="_blank">female's value on the sexual market</a>. In fact, it may even be harmful. This is a concept that hasn't been researched enough to fully understand, <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2013/05/30/business/economy/women-as-family-breadwinner-on-the-rise-study-says.html?_r=0" target="_blank">but high-earning women end up less satisfied in relationships</a> and divorce more frequently. </div>
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I don't think this trend is a good thing. From a logical standpoint, it doesn't feel "right" that a woman hurts her opportunities in relationships by improving her socioeconomic status, but it is what it is. My hope - once we drop the silly idea that <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/08/ronda-rousey-needs-to-be-face-of.html" target="_blank">gender roles are social constructs and not biologically-mandated</a>, we can start exploring the real dynamics behind this phenomenon. </div>
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Anyway, if you want to improve the caliber of men you can attract and get to commit, it requires improving yourself. If you're overweight, lose weight by eating less and moving more. Dress in more flattering, stylish clothes. Hone your cosmetics application skills. Study seductive feminine posture, body language, and communication patterns. Hone your flirting skills. If you're interested in a relationship, get better at the things men are looking for in a high value mate. None of this is easy, which is the reason so few women ever try. But hard work pays off.</div>
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Have a question or comment? Leave it in the comments section!</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3092871363514975331.post-44803829615157130472015-08-24T06:16:00.001-07:002015-08-24T06:16:51.967-07:00Beta Relationships and Marriage Part Four: Fixing the Lifetime Beta Marriage<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-qT76DTfmQU8/Vdn0oFDyi0I/AAAAAAAABdM/xgkKLRog6Tg/s1600/54465977.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-qT76DTfmQU8/Vdn0oFDyi0I/AAAAAAAABdM/xgkKLRog6Tg/s200/54465977.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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In the first post of the series, I introduced the four types of beta relationships. In the second post, I talked about how to spice up boring but otherwise healthy marriages. In the third post, I discussed fixing relationships where the dude was once an alpha, but she tamed him into a passive beta. Both of those scenarios aren't all that serious and the fix is fairly easy.</div>
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Today's relationship pattern is a little more complex. And a lot harder to "fix." What happens when a dude has been a beta his entire life, entered into a relationship as a beta, and has continued that beta trend? Before we get to the discussion on relationships, let's explore exactly what we mean by a "beta."</div>
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In the San Diego Man Camp, we've started using the following operational definitions for the terminology we use:</div>
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<ul>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>"Bad Boy"</b> = male that causes women to release dopamine (and norepinepherine and endorphines... makes women excited and euphoric) in their presence, thus is exciting and sexually arousing. The problem with bad boys is they have little or no desire to commit to a long-term monogamous relationship. Bad Boys tend to be male sluts.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>"Beta Male"</b> = male that causes a woman to release oxytocin in their presence, which emotionally bonds women to their men and is the basis of committed pair-bonding. Beta men also produce large amounts of <a href="http://thenewviewonsex.blogspot.com/2008/04/oxytocin-vasopressin-and-tale-of-two.html" target="_blank">vasopressin</a>, which bonds them to their mate and makes them ignore other women (produces loyalty.) Beta males do not sexually arouse women. I <a href="http://www.sexpressionists.com/2015/04/beta-males-explained-part-one-defining.html" target="_blank">describe beta males in detail here</a>, explain <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/07/the-beta-thought-process-case-study.html" target="_blank">my own beta experiences here</a>, and explain <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/07/beta-male-sex-lesson-in-power-of.html" target="_blank">why betas have so much trouble changing despite repeated failure here</a>.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>"Alpha Male"</b> = male that causes a woman to release dopamine (and the other neurotransmitters) AND oxytocin AND release enough vasopressin in their own brains to remain monogamous. These are men that have the opportunity to cheat because they're desirable, have the desire to cheat because they embrace their sexuality, but choose not to out of a sense of loyalty. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><b>"Gamers"</b> = males that do not produce dopamine OR oxytocin in women. In other words, they tend to repulse women. These are the males that never score with women. Ever. They're usually low value AND lack the social skills or socioeconomic status to attract even very low value women. Most people call these men "Omega Males", but I chose gamers because it seemed to hit an amusing nerve among some people that play video games. As a general rule, if I find out I exposed an irrational nerve that causes people to get overly defensive, I like to poke at that nerve. Repeatedly. :-)</li>
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Global Betas versus Situational Betas</h3>
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Sometimes men are "betas" in every art of their lives; sometimes they're "betas" only around women. In the case of the former, fixing the problem is a little more time-consuming because there's no frame of reference. These men are always searching for affirmations from others, avoid risks, cannot take criticism, tends to be needy and overly emotional, and has a tendency to use guilt and shame to manipulate others. </div>
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In the case of the latter, learning to be "alpha" is usually simply a matter of doing what you do outside relationships inside relationships. When they're not dealing with women, these men are confident, assertive, and decisive. With women, they exhibit all the beta traits listed above and in the linked posts.</div>
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Most of the guys that fit this scenario fall into a predictable pattern. Most did not have a strong male role model to display masculine traits. They were raised by single moms or by fathers that had strong beta tendencies. At some point on their youth, they failed to learn about the nature of women. In many cases, they learned about "what women want" from women themselves. As a result, they place women on a pedestal and treat them like princesses instead of, well, people. They are willing to do anything and everything for women because they believe women will then reciprocate and meet all their needs. In essence, they believe they can put "niceness" coins in and get sex and love in return. </div>
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The women that initiate relationships with betas meet pretty pretty predictable criteria. In our modern American society, the vast majority of these women have passed "the wall" (the point where they become aware that <a href="http://www.sexpressionists.com/2015/04/women-explained-part-three-your-value.html" target="_blank">their sexual market value is decreasing</a>) and realize they can no longer attract Alpha Males for commitment. They can still land Bad Boys, but they have no desire to commit. As such, they "grow tired of games" (which is code for "these bad boys refuse to be monogamous with me") and go through a process of "maturing." </div>
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That causes them to look for the opposite of the fun and exciting (and sexually arousing) Bad Boy - the beta male. The woman appeals to the beta because, in his mind, his "nice guy" game finally paid off. He finally beat the "alpha assholes" that have been stealing his crushes since puberty. Alas, it's just an illusion. Once the honeymoon period wears off, she will fall into the <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/08/the-life-cycle-of-wife-of-beta-male.html" target="_blank">beta wife trap</a> and their <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/07/marriage-in-21st-century-is-it-really.html" target="_blank">relationship will meet a predictable end</a>. </div>
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So How is the Problem Solved?</h3>
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Most of the guys in this scenario follow a very predictable "Nice Guy" pattern which is exceptionally hard to overcome, especially quickly. This is going to be a long, slow process. Also, there's less of a guarantee the beta wife will want to be with him if he makes these changes. Actually, it's more likely HE will increase his value enough to start attracting the attention of much higher value females and he'll be tempted to seek out greener pastures. This effect is slightly negated by the "passive dread game effect" where women will sense her mate's new-found popularity with the opposite sex and begin <a href="http://www.sexpressionists.com/2015/04/women-explained-part-nine-advertising.html" target="_blank">giving him advertising sex</a> AND start increasing her own value. </div>
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Sidebar - a lot of guys ask me for ideas to convince their wives to do all kinds of things, the two most common being "lose weight and exercise" and "initiate/ be more passionate/ have fewer inhibitions when having sex." The simplest method - <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/07/a-few-simple-value-increasing-hacks-for.html" target="_blank">increase your own value</a>. </blockquote>
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Okay, so what's the process to make this situation better? Like the other scenarios, education is going to play a major role in the transformation. Unlike the other scenarios, this is a difficult journey if you're going solo. You'll have A LOT more success if you have a mentor or mentors that has been through the process. If you don't know any reformed betas, check out <a href="http://www.facebook.com/groups/sdmancamp" target="_blank">our Facebook page</a>. Most of us have are are going through this process; it's an excellent resource for support and guidance. </div>
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<li style="text-align: justify;">Understand the <a href="http://www.sexpressionists.com/2014/06/why-do-women-hate-nice-guys.html" target="_blank">"Nice Guy" persona</a>. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Understand the <a href="http://www.sexpressionists.com/2015/04/women-explained-part-five-understanding.html" target="_blank">nature of female desire</a>.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Understand why <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/07/why-do-women-loathe-indecisive-men.html" target="_blank">women want a decisive man</a>.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Understand the true <a href="http://www.sexpressionists.com/2014/05/the-paradox-of-intimacy-and-passion.html" target="_blank">nature of passion and intimacy</a>.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Understand the <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/07/a-few-simple-value-increasing-hacks-for.html" target="_blank">very basics of being an alpha male</a>.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Understand how <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/07/the-ultimate-guide-to-mastering-shit.html" target="_blank">to pass shit tests</a>.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Understand how <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/07/how-to-treat-women-concise-no-bullshit.html" target="_blank">women want to be treated</a>.</li>
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These posts provide a good framework for the rest of the reading you'll be doing. Once you get through these posts, read the following books in this order. They will provide a more in-depth analysis of the things discussed in my posts above.</div>
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<li style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0762415339/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0762415339&linkCode=as2&tag=theultrstor-20&linkId=QQA52Z7MAN6PQKLV">No More Mr. Nice Guy</a> by Dr. Robert Glover. For the career beta, this is a requirement because it's really important to see how the "supplicating" dynamic usually works. Until you recognize how and why you do beta behaviors, you will not be able to overcome them.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">The entire <a href="http://www.sexpressionists.com/2015/04/women-explained-part-one.html">Women, Explained series</a> - This will give you an understanding of female behavior, along with the conventions we use in SDMC.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1460981731/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1460981731&linkCode=as2&tag=theultrstor-20&linkId=JUPOB7HMQN74TQ4B">Married Man Sex Life</a> by Athol Kay - This is THE primer that provides a framework for healthy relationship. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1492777862/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1492777862&linkCode=as2&tag=theultrstor-20&linkId=LENJ2WIMIU2DO3IW">The Rational Male</a> by Rollo Tomassi - Rollo gives a more in-depth analysis of female behaviors.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0557036488/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0557036488&linkCode=as2&tag=theultrstor-20&linkId=LNEZISD7VJZNQUHV">The Sex God Method</a> by Danial Rose - An unconventional sex manual that covers the issue of dominance, which is largely ignored in other sex books.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0985452307/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0985452307&linkCode=as2&tag=theultrstor-20&linkId=4EHEEVW2BFDXR7XK" target="_blank">The Way of Men</a> by Jack Donovan - This book explores the nature of "masculinity", which is critical in helping the reforming beta act more like a man.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0061911690/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0061911690&linkCode=as2&tag=theultrstor-20&linkId=QIFCTJ5JF7ND5BL6" target="_blank">Rules of the Game</a> by Neil Strauss - This is a pickup artist book, which will help the career beta learn the basics of being able to pick up women. This is critical to break the belief that women are a scare commodity, which is the reason the beta desperately clings to their wives or girlfriends. Knowing you have options is the single biggest source of natural confidence you can have.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1591844096/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1591844096&linkCode=as2&tag=theultrstor-20&linkId=3BKVCPFGB6BN76WF" target="_blank">Linchpin</a> by Seth Godin - This book will help you understand what a "life mission" actually means.</li>
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Once you've digested all of these sources, you'll have an excellent frame of reference to a) identify your beta behaviors, b) understand why they're causing damage, and c) have effective alternatives. Odds are good your relationship is in a precariously bad spot. She does not respect you or find you attractive. One or both of you may have considered or is actively having an affair. You may either fight frequently or live in a state of perpetual apathy. You're more like roommates than lovers.</div>
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If you're reading this, I'm working off the assumption that you're interested in saving the relationship. In many cases, this happens because divorce may break up the family (if you have kids) or both of you may take a significant lifestyle hit if you lose your combined income. However, there's a chance SHE may not be interested in continuing the relationship. In the alpha-turned-beta situation I discussed in the last post, her first impression of him was that of an "alpha." When he starts improving, she's getting the man she fell for at the beginning of the relationship. When a dude starts as a beta, it's <a href="http://www.sdmancamp.com/2015/08/how-women-choose-their-men-and.html" target="_blank">really hard to change that initial impression</a>. He's becoming a fundamentally different man. Most women would love that change, but some are too insecure and <i>need </i>their men to act like whipped dogs. </div>
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Be aware that this process will make your life better, but that "better" may mean your current relationship ends. For the beta male, that's a terrifying thought. However, the new you will attract far more valuable women. If she doesn't want you, it's her loss. So... the process:</div>
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<li style="text-align: justify;">Find a mentor that has underwent a similar process. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Find a life mission to focus on that is NOT your wife or family. <a href="http://markmanson.net/life-purpose" target="_blank">Mark Manson wrote an excellent article</a> that can help with this step, as will "<i>Linchpin</i>." This will help make the transition from making women the focus of your life to women being a compliment to your life. This mental paradigm shift is absolutely critical for recovering betas.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Start increasing your value by self-improvement, including getting fit (lift weights, lose fat), learning better posture, eye contact, and body language, dressing better, and increasing confidence. It's important to do this in every situation, not just around your wife. Initially, this will seem really difficult and it may take a while to work up the courage to do anything. However, once you get the smallest taste of success, you'll feel empowered. You'll begin to see that your previous belief that people hate alphas was completely wrong. People <i>love </i>alphas, and they'll respond favorably to your alpha behaviors. Those successes create a vicious cycle of awesomeness and will fuel future progress.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Actively make decisions that will lead to greater levels of testosterone. Testosterone <i>is</i> masculinity. It makes us sexual, dominant, competitive, and assertive. It is what makes us attractive to women. Many beta men fear their testosterone, which leads to beta behaviors. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Start standing up for yourself and set very clear expectations for how you expect her to treat you, along with clear consequences if she crosses a boundary. This step is very clear as it will begin rebuilding respect. For the beta, this will likely be a long process with a lot of failures. That's to be expected; you're changing a lifelong pattern of behavior. Once she starts respecting you more, attraction will follow soon after.</li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Start making more decisions, passing all shit tests, and initiating sex. When having sex, use the lessons from <i>The Sex God Method</i>. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Start planning and executing fun stuff on a regular basis. </li>
<li style="text-align: justify;">Maintain <i>occasional </i>beta behaviors, <a href="http://www.sexpressionists.com/2015/04/hacking-ovulation-make-aunt-flow-your.html" target="_blank">especially during the non-ovulatory days</a> of her menstrual cycle. This serves two purposes - first, it decreases the frequency of her attempts to kill the "alpha" you're rebuilding. Second, it actually increases her attraction to you because alphas that know when and how to effectively use beta techniques are the highest value males.</li>
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As you can see, the process is fundamentally the same as the other situations, only the time frame changes. The first two scenarios can usually be rectified in a few months. This process? It may take anywhere from six months to several years. It took me over a decade to complete this process, but I had zero guidance, had no idea what the end goal looked like, and did everything via trial and error. If I would have had these resources at my fingertips, I could have saved years and years of struggle and have spent a lot more time actually enjoying life. Helping others save time in this process is the reason I do what I do here.</div>
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Anyway, in the next post, we'll tackle the most challenging scenario - The Graveyard Marriage. These are beta marriages that are essentially hanging by a thread and one or both people are desperate to save it but have zero answers. Hopefully the next post will give those folks a glimmer of hope.</div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1