Monday, September 19, 2016

How Older Women Can Compete With Younger Women: A Guide to Winning the Dating Wars

So you're a woman over thirty and you're striking out in the dating world. All you want is that perfectly-chiseled man who will buy you pretty things, take you on exciting adventures, and love you unconditionally. What are you to do? You've come to the right place!

This is long. There is no tl:dr. If you're too lazy to read, it would be useless information anyway.

First, I feel ya. Talking about this shit can be really difficult for all kinds of parties because it strips away the sugar coating we use to make ourselves feel better about the bleakness of life. As a 40 year old dude, I can say it also relate to the bleakness of aging and how that factors into all of this. For me personally, learning about this shit was hard because I realized my former beta male self wasn't just leading a less-than-effective life, but I was actively emotionally-manipulating a whole lotta people around me and had been since puberty. That's some painful shit to process. 

I've spent the last 2-3 years working on honing a message that allowed me to teach other dudes and their female mates about this without that god-awful dread I went through. I do all of this shit out of a sense of compassion, though it's rarely reflected in my tone. I want to make people's lives better and I'm most effective when I'm doing exactly what I'm doing now. But it ain't subtle.

Second, and related to that last point, I have not had as much time to craft a message that makes this more appealing to women as it relates to their lives specifically. This is obvious when we start discussing sexual market value as women move past their late 20's. So here's an attempt at that.

Let's Begin...

Okay, first the reality. In simple economic terms, SMV is accurate and plays out as I've described. Older women are in competition with younger women, and they generally lose. The flip side - older men are in competition with younger men and generally win. Both of those scenarios have a loser; that's the nature of competition. And we know what it takes to win in both scenarios.

For a woman over about 30, that sucks because physical attractiveness is by far the most important thing that matters to dudes universally. The "manosphere" dudes call this point where women's value on the sexual market starts to decline as "the wall." As you know, this is why the cosmetics and plastic surgery industry is so robust... looking young sells. It's important to note this is rooted in biology. We can't talk ourselves out of this by redefining what is beautiful because what is beautiful are indicators of fertility. And we all know how that works.

So the real question women are usually asking, which I will attempt to answer - how can a post-wall woman compete with women who have not passed that point? I'm going to give you tips that will pertain to each of you individually; this isn't a message I could give to all women and it be effective.

Y'all, by virtue of reading this blog, are fundamentally different than 99% of your cohorts. That's huge. I'm going to give you some decidedly un-politically-correct masculine-voiced advice of what you can do to be more attractive to dudes because I trust all of you can read it without getting triggered because you've filled your head with feel-good nonsense that's not based in objective reality.

All other things being equal, the younger woman is going to be more objectively physically attractive. Many of you more "experienced" readers have daughters. If you showed 100 random male strangers a picture of both of you, which would they choose? Attractiveness matters a lot, so that's tip #1.

Tip #1: Look as fit and hot as you possibly can. Facial attractiveness is tough to reverse, but skin care and really good cosmetics do make a huge difference. Many women, as they approach and pass 40, kinda give up. The "fat is beautiful" trope is really stupid, and is a blessing in disguise. These lazy women are your competitors, take advantage. It's the reason almost all of the SDMC dudes lift weights and work to cut our body fat. Which brings me to fitness. Work out. Aim for a body fat % between 15-20%. I personally recommend Crossfit for exercise and MyFitnessPal (the app) to control diet. This tip is huge. There's a chick in her mid-50's that hangs out at the pool outside my living room window. Facially, she's a *generous* 2 out of 10. But she's relatively fit and has a body fat percentage around 10% and an "A" cup. No ass. Yet 85% of the vacationers that are visiting, including attractive young dudes, check her out and about half strike up conversations. That's a little too skinny, but you get the point.

Tip #2: Seduction matters. I think most post-wall women make the mistake of trying to attract men the same way they did pre-wall, which is based entirely off physical attractiveness. This is a huge mistake. You have something the young chicks have... knowledge. Use it. I know, based on your comments, you do this already. But use it more. One of the weird skills I developed as a beta male "Nice Guy" was the ability to get women to fall in love with me. I have 100% confidence I have the skills to make any woman fall head-over-heels in love with me if I have about three months. This is how I landed my wife, FWIW. She knows this; its's an amusing story. Anyway, I can do that because I know what it takes. If you're looking for a long-term relationship (any of you could get laid at any time if you really needed to), you know what it takes to get a dude to fall for you on an emotional level. Use that. The young chikas ain't got that. If your seduction skills aren't in the top 5% of your peers, buy this book and follow the advice

Tip #3: Be willing to do anything within reason sexually, do it quickly, and do it enthusiastically. This is the basis of the "MILF teaching the young man about sexualality" arrangement that's relatively common today. We all have really dark sexual fantasies we will never, even under torture, reveal. This, by the way, is the trump card of "psychics." Tell people they have a dark sexual secret, throw out a few Forer statements (Google it), and BAM! They're 100% convinced you're Miss Cleo (RIP.) In my "Ladder Theory" post, I shared what dudes look for in chicks. Our perception of the likelihood she'll put out quickly is a HUGE part of the pie. So at least give dudes the perception you'll put out quickly. It's a great opportunity to hook them into the seduction game from Tip#2. When you do finally put out, give them the impression you'd be down to try anything once, and do it with enthusiasm, not trepidation. TMI - this is my wife. I hypothesize women who have this attitude cause a massive oxytocin dump in the brain, because it makes me want to cling to her like Hubba Bubba in your pony tail.

Tip #4: Don't come off as sex-crazed. You have to walk a fine line between #3 and #4. High value dudes will have confidence in doing what's needed to get you into the bedroom, so there's no need to advertise the fact that you love sex. Come off as too sexual and you'll drive those guys away (we like the challenge) and attract low value dudes who have no game. 

Tip #5: Personality matters more than most realize, but for a weird reason. All of you have a particular personality. Let it fly. Show the outside world your inside world. People who are their authentic self radiate a confidence that is absolutely infectious. You hippies probably have a word for it. But it's fucking magnetic. But here's the catch. It's only magnetic to those who are like-minded. But those people... they get you. And people that get you want to be with you. When we're talking opposite genders... that means bonding. Outwardly, I'm a far different person than I was even two years ago. But I'm the same inside. And the difference is night and day. I just attract like-minded people. That's why SDMC has been a success... we all "get" each other. Same deal applies in relationships. Again, a personal reference - my wife and I have been through serious shit as a couple. We've also experienced all kinds of crazy shit. It would have torn most couples apart. Why did we survive? Fundamentally, we "get" each other because we're basically the same person but with genitals that match up in fun ways. The only way you get people to buy the real you is to market the real you.

Tip #6: Don't be a cunt. Be a decent, pleasant person. Have good manners. Be respectful. Be grateful. Don't perpetually act like a victim. Don't be a bitch. Don't be bitter and act like you have a chip on your shoulder. No talking about exes and how they fucked you over. Or worse, comparing the dude you're with to your ex... even if it's favorable. It's a huge red flag. No bitching about how unfair life is treating you. Don't be emasculating. Don't come off as a know-it-all. We hate women who always have to be right. So many women come off as just horrible people... and I don't think they have any self-awareness of this at all. Be warm, kind, and gracious. 

Tip #7: Be interesting. Interesting people are interesting because they have depth of personality. Quite simply, they know shit about a lot of different things, and they talk about those things. One of the worst parts of the running world I was a part of for many years is almost all runners live and breathe running. The topic gets old when you're running with someone for 12 hours in the mountains. Let's face it, you've seen some shit. Almost all of you remember the Challenger. Men don't value "smart" women nearly as highly as they value "interesting" women. And those are two very, very different concepts.

Tip #8: Embrace propinquity. Place yourself in environments where high value men hang out. This one seems obvious, but most women don't do it. You know what kind of man you're looking for. Figure out where they exist, then go there. Propinquity is one of the most reliable predictors of people entering relationships. Take advantage of that. Likewise, avoid places where low value males hang out. When women ask "where are all the good men?", they're certainly not hanging out at the coffee shop or a Hillary Clinton rally. 

Tip #9: Don't advertise you're a fucking feminist. Feminists act like dudes. Not feminine chicks who can add spice by sprinkling in some masculine traits, but dudes. Like you feel kinda gay if you're having sex with them. That's not good for a straight dude. Feminism is like alpha repellent. And beta attractant. If you ever get an apparent alpha who claims to love feminists? You're either super hot and he's trying to fuck you or, far more likely, he's a pickup artist beta who has great acting chops. Avoid discussing feminism and anything related to feminism. Keep the ideals. Dress them in a far more seductive package.

Tip #10: Don't take advice from dudes who are trying to bone you. I always advise men to NOT get any sex, love, or relationship advice from women. First, women don't seem to have a great grasp on what exactly turns them on (which I argue is evolution in action... it's a good thing.) Second, if the woman is attracted to you, the advice is going to be anything that maximizes her chances with you. That last point works in reverse. Except most dudes who are looking for just sex will fuck just about any woman who isn't extremely repulsive. I've seen how low this can go before... it's moderately disturbing. The point - if you ever encounter dudes who give you advice on any of this, it's safe to assume they're going to give advice to maximize their chances of boning you. If your seduction game is on point, you can actually use this bit of information in said game.

Tip #11: Don't overshare. Be judicious about the pace at which you self-disclose your life. You don't want to come off as if you're hiding shit, but don't reveal your deepest, darkest secrets within the first twenty minutes on the first date. Like an onion, reveal your layers one at a time. 

Tip #12: Don't order a fucking salad on the first lunch or dinner date. Nothing says "I have a cardboard personality" like ordering salad. Order something interesting or exotic, sexy, and decadent. Then offer to share. 

Tip #13: Be a capable conversationalist. This goes back to the "be interesting" idea, but a little more specific. When he's talking, actually listen (as opposed to composing your next statement in your head.) FAR too many people do this and it's annoying as fuck. Develop your ability to ask questions based off what the other person says. If they mention they went to school in upstate New York, follow up by asking something like "Were the fall colors as brilliant as I imagine?" Silly example, but you get the idea. Listen more than you talk. If your socialization skills aren't in the top 5% of your peers, buy this book and follow the advice

Tip #14: Don't be a catty bitch. Women, if in the presence of a high value man, have an annoying tendency to sexually disqualify other women within eyesight with comments like "look at that woman in the slutty dress. I bet she has herpes." If you're doing what it takes to assure the dude you're with is interested in you, there's no need to do this. It just makes you look like an insecure jealous or envious bitch, both of which are red flags. 

Tip #15: If you have kids or pets, don't talk about them unless asked. It's fair to mention them, but don't make them the topic of conversation unless he asks. Nothing kills seduction like talk of family. Also, if he has kids and you don't BUT you have a pet, DO NOT COMPARE THE EXPERIENCES AS IF THEY'RE THE SAME THING! Being a "pet parent" isn't parenting. It's a fucking animal. This is a powerful indicator you've lost touch with objective reality.

Tip #17: Be aware of the caveats of online dating. Online dating is a weird animal. Generally speaking, the people who use online dating are doing so because they're either too busy to meet people in real life, are just looking to get laid with minimal effort, or have social hangups that make asynchronous, electronic communication more desirable than chatting face-to-face. For women, you're not going to find a lot of high value alpha males looking for relationships online. Most high value dudes are just looking for a string of random hookups. Those who ARE looking for commitment get snatched up by high value women almost immediately because they're so god damned rare... which is more than enough justification to make yourself as hot as possible to compete. The vast majority of men online a beta turds who are excessively needy, fat, lazy, weird in an off-putting way, or just hoping to find a woman desperate enough to fuck them. To avoid those men, I suggest adding the following like to your profile: "No male feminists." It won't completely solve the problem, but it's a good start. 

Tip #18: Understand not all dudes who will fuck you will want to have a relationship with you. I intentionally saved this one for last because it's among the biggest mistakes I see women making. I explain this dynamic in more detail in this post, but it basically works like this: High value dudes will tap low value women, but will only commit to high value women. Women often assume if they're good enough to fuck, they're good enough for girlfriend (or gasp - wife) material. Not so. Women looking for commitment consistently aim for men clearly out of their league, then get frustrated when those men ditch them. The problem isn't the men. The problem is the woman's failure to understand how men actually work. The rule of thumb: If you have problems getting men to commit, lower your expectations and shoot for lower value men, or, as I recommend in the linked article and in some of the tips above, do the hard work of making yourself a higher value woman. I recommend making a list of the things you desire from your dream man. Now make a list of the shit you bring to the table. Be honest. Do you think that dream man would be impressed with your list? If not, get to work or start crossing shit off your dream man list


There you have it - eighteen tips to help older women compete with younger women. Given our society's tendency to shame masculinity, we have a glut of beta males running around. High-value alpha males capable of long-term relationships really are unicorns. These eighteen tips, if followed, will give you a HUGE advantage over all your cohorts and should give you a fighting chance with the younger, less experienced women. 

Good luck!

In the next post, I'll share some tips on how to discriminate between alpha and beta males. 


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