Monday, September 26, 2016

How "The Patriarchy" Makes Our World Better

The following is a excerpt from my longer post from last year where I spell out the fundamental elements of the ideology I teach in the San Diego Man Camp. In light of the recent spat of mass shootings conducted by disgruntled males here in the US recently, I want to draw attention to this particular piece of the puzzle. "The Patriarchy" is often used as a Boogieman for feminists as the cause of all our world's problems. In reality, "the patriarchy" serves to guide otherwise destructive or lazy men into more productive endeavors. 

But first... the definition of "The Patriarchy." For funsies, I'll let the completely rational ladies over at Feministing offer up the definition: What Is The Patriarchy?

Got it? Good, let's get started.


The Real Purpose of "The Patriarchy"

Fighting against "The Patriarchy" is a pretty common strawman argument used today to justify all sorts of attempts at silly social engineering. It IS true; we used to have a patriarchal system of government. Women were excluded from representation. Winning the freedom of equality under the law was the original goals of feminism. As I stated before, that was a great thing. People don't seem to understand, though, that patriarchy was a system to control men, not women. Women were oppressed under the system, but that was incidental to the real purpose of patriarchy.

The idea that men would have to create an entire social structure to control women should fall apart immediately when you consider one simple, irrefutable fact - men are physically stronger than women. Men don't need elaborate social structures like religion, codified laws and a judiciary, and social mores to control women. They can simply use force. Testosterone gives us a size, strength, and speed advantage, along with the capacity and primal drive to use aggression to engage in extreme violence.

Controlling each other, though... now that takes some work. THAT is the reason men developed "The Patriarchy."

To understand why men need to be controlled, you really have to understand the nature of masculinity. Masculine men have that shit-ton of testosterone flowing through our bodies, and that causes all sorts of well-documented behavioral and attitudinal characteristics. This effect leads men to follow one of three "paths" that are driven by our primal, biological imperative:

  • Create 
  • Destroy 
  • Enjoy 

That's it. Those are the three options men have. If we create, we find a passion that helps our fellow man and follow it with all our heart. We become givers and strive to make ourselves the best version of us we can possibly become. This is the vehicle that has led to pretty much every major advancement of humanity. The problem with "creating" is that it's hard work. There are few tangible rewards along the way except for the journey itself. In fact, the overarching goal of the San Diego Man Camp (join our Facebook group if you haven't already done so.) This is also why I kind of despise beta males... they refuse to improve themselves or do the hard work to create. They sit on their asses, content with being "special for who they are." Anyway, I digress. 

If we destroy, we become takers. This would include petty criminals, con artists, rapists, murderers, evil dictators, etc. Biggest problem with destroyers is that it's a lot easier than being a creator and one man can do a Hell of a lot of damage. A small group of men can do even more. We don't want men to do this; it sends society backward. 

The final option is to simply kick back and do nothing productive OR destructive. Weirdly, men have the capacity to be ridiculously industrious AND complete and total lazy fucks. This is your typical lazy fuck beta male chump today, which is encouraged by modern feminists that attempt to "redefine masculinity." 

So what does this have to do with patriarchy? 

Waaaayyyy back in our evolutionary history when we were still hunting and gathering, men didn't really have much of a choice. They were productive when they needed to hunt or build shit for the tribe. They were destructive when they had to protect the tribe or forcefully acquire resources from neighboring tribes. Finally, they were lazy the rest of the time to conserve energy for famines and other harsh environmental conditions. The tribes that had the most men that could successfully do all three survived and killed those that were less successful. See where those drives originated and were selected via natural selection? 

Eventually we discovered agriculture, which led to villages, towns, and eventually cities. Larger, more diverse populations and more specialization meant not all men needed to use all three of these drives, but we still possessed the potential. And sometimes bad shit happened when men decided to destroy. Or get lazy. The leaders, at some point, started devising ways to control and channel men into a pro-social way. Those methods fell into three categories: 
  • Force 
  • Bribes 
  • Family Life 

The problem with force is that it takes a lot of time and resources, and doesn't work especially well over a long period of time. Imagine a dude standing over your cubicle with a whip. Positive punishment, in operant conditioning terms, needs to be immediate, severe, and consistent to be effective. You end up needing almost as many whip-crackers as male workers. That's a pretty inefficient system. 

The problem with bribes is that it takes a lot of resources and it causes an extrinsic motivation effectwhere we eventually hate what we're "paid" to do. Think of how many Americans today despise their jobs. Without kids to raise and sex (only the rich handsome males had regular access to women, that's why the ancients were polygynist), there was little motivation to work for rewards long-term because the rewards become ineffective. 

That left "family life." At some point, leaders realized men would be motivated to choose the "create" option if they were doing it to provide for a wife and kids. He would be motivated by sex from his wife and the desire to get his genes into the next generation. 

The problem with family life is that we're not all that well-suited for lifelong monogamous pair-bonding. We're inherently kinda slutty AND there's the problem with polygyny I mentioned before where only the best males had wives. The idea of monogamous marriage and the expectation of sexual fidelity solves that problem because it gives a lot more men access to wives. However, it requires systems to control men's desire to fuck as many women as possible and women's tendency to always seek the best male they can attract. THAT is where all the oppression of patriarchy comes from. The oppression of females, which did happen, was just a consequence of controlling men. 

Today, we've effectively ended the patriarchy. Women now have all the legal freedoms men historically enjoyed. We now have a social, legal, and economic system that allows women access to anything and everything men have access to, which includes government support should they decide or become a single mother. It's easy to get married, easy to get divorced, premarital sex and cohabitation are common and accepted, serial monogamy has replaced "till death" monogamy as the norm, and ethical, consensual nonmonogamy is increasing in popularity

Needless to say, all of us have incredible freedom. But that freedom comes at a very, very serious cost because far too many of us still deny that gender matters. A lot. 


Thursday, September 22, 2016

Set Goals No Matter How Impossible

Goal-setting is a time-honored pillar of self-improvement. Most recommend setting difficult-but-achievable goals, reach the goal, then set another similarly-difficult goal. This is an excellent way to systematically progress and is exactly what I use regularly.

However, I also utilize close-to-if-not-completely-impossible goals like Bruce references in the above pic. I usually use this method for very specific situations, like my hobbies. Here are two examples:

Example #1: Back when I was running ultramarathons, I would pick one particular runner who was enjoying a high level of success. The goal was simple - I wanted to beat them. If we're running the same race, I wanted to finish ahead of them. If we were running the same race but different years, I'd want to beat their time. I would study everything about them... how they train, what they eat, what gear they use, how they prepared for races... whatever. Since there would be inevitable differences between us, I would alter whatever they did to account for said differences. They were far more successful than I was, so I would use them as the model. And they would be the rabbit I would chase. It was incredibly motivating.

I would also do this with specific elements of running. For example, I wanted to get better at running uphill. The solution? Pick someone who was a phenomenal uphill runner, then shoot to beat them. 

The key- the people I would choose were really good. I only surpassed my targets about 10% of the time, but the net effect made me a FAR better runner.

Example #2: Jiu jitsu. I spent the first two years of doing jiu jitsu learning as many of the basic, fundamental skills as I could without any specific targets. Once I felt I had a decent, well-rounded base, I wanted to start aiming for the stars. So I picked out the best jiu jitsu player I regularly trained with, and set the goal of being able to regularly beat them. So I do the same thing - closely study everything they do, then adapt it to myself then begin working hard. 

Much more so than the ultrarunning goals, this one will, in all likelihood, be impossible. As a forty year old dude, I'm already fighting the losing battle with age. The target is significantly younger and more naturally athletic. However, jiu jitsu is a martial art specifically designed for a weaker, smaller, less athletic person to defeat a physically-superior opponent. That makes this goal theoretically possible, but it would require me to REALLY master every single technique and get creative with synthesizing new shit to give myself a competitive advantage. To make this goal even more difficult, the target excels at both technical proficiency and creative synthesis of the basics. There's an extremely high probability I will fail at this goal. But...

The lesson: If there's something you really want to master, don't be afraid of picking impossible goals. 


Monday, September 19, 2016

How Older Women Can Compete With Younger Women: A Guide to Winning the Dating Wars

So you're a woman over thirty and you're striking out in the dating world. All you want is that perfectly-chiseled man who will buy you pretty things, take you on exciting adventures, and love you unconditionally. What are you to do? You've come to the right place!

This is long. There is no tl:dr. If you're too lazy to read, it would be useless information anyway.

First, I feel ya. Talking about this shit can be really difficult for all kinds of parties because it strips away the sugar coating we use to make ourselves feel better about the bleakness of life. As a 40 year old dude, I can say it also relate to the bleakness of aging and how that factors into all of this. For me personally, learning about this shit was hard because I realized my former beta male self wasn't just leading a less-than-effective life, but I was actively emotionally-manipulating a whole lotta people around me and had been since puberty. That's some painful shit to process. 

I've spent the last 2-3 years working on honing a message that allowed me to teach other dudes and their female mates about this without that god-awful dread I went through. I do all of this shit out of a sense of compassion, though it's rarely reflected in my tone. I want to make people's lives better and I'm most effective when I'm doing exactly what I'm doing now. But it ain't subtle.

Second, and related to that last point, I have not had as much time to craft a message that makes this more appealing to women as it relates to their lives specifically. This is obvious when we start discussing sexual market value as women move past their late 20's. So here's an attempt at that.

Let's Begin...

Okay, first the reality. In simple economic terms, SMV is accurate and plays out as I've described. Older women are in competition with younger women, and they generally lose. The flip side - older men are in competition with younger men and generally win. Both of those scenarios have a loser; that's the nature of competition. And we know what it takes to win in both scenarios.

For a woman over about 30, that sucks because physical attractiveness is by far the most important thing that matters to dudes universally. The "manosphere" dudes call this point where women's value on the sexual market starts to decline as "the wall." As you know, this is why the cosmetics and plastic surgery industry is so robust... looking young sells. It's important to note this is rooted in biology. We can't talk ourselves out of this by redefining what is beautiful because what is beautiful are indicators of fertility. And we all know how that works.

So the real question women are usually asking, which I will attempt to answer - how can a post-wall woman compete with women who have not passed that point? I'm going to give you tips that will pertain to each of you individually; this isn't a message I could give to all women and it be effective.

Y'all, by virtue of reading this blog, are fundamentally different than 99% of your cohorts. That's huge. I'm going to give you some decidedly un-politically-correct masculine-voiced advice of what you can do to be more attractive to dudes because I trust all of you can read it without getting triggered because you've filled your head with feel-good nonsense that's not based in objective reality.

All other things being equal, the younger woman is going to be more objectively physically attractive. Many of you more "experienced" readers have daughters. If you showed 100 random male strangers a picture of both of you, which would they choose? Attractiveness matters a lot, so that's tip #1.

Tip #1: Look as fit and hot as you possibly can. Facial attractiveness is tough to reverse, but skin care and really good cosmetics do make a huge difference. Many women, as they approach and pass 40, kinda give up. The "fat is beautiful" trope is really stupid, and is a blessing in disguise. These lazy women are your competitors, take advantage. It's the reason almost all of the SDMC dudes lift weights and work to cut our body fat. Which brings me to fitness. Work out. Aim for a body fat % between 15-20%. I personally recommend Crossfit for exercise and MyFitnessPal (the app) to control diet. This tip is huge. There's a chick in her mid-50's that hangs out at the pool outside my living room window. Facially, she's a *generous* 2 out of 10. But she's relatively fit and has a body fat percentage around 10% and an "A" cup. No ass. Yet 85% of the vacationers that are visiting, including attractive young dudes, check her out and about half strike up conversations. That's a little too skinny, but you get the point.

Tip #2: Seduction matters. I think most post-wall women make the mistake of trying to attract men the same way they did pre-wall, which is based entirely off physical attractiveness. This is a huge mistake. You have something the young chicks have... knowledge. Use it. I know, based on your comments, you do this already. But use it more. One of the weird skills I developed as a beta male "Nice Guy" was the ability to get women to fall in love with me. I have 100% confidence I have the skills to make any woman fall head-over-heels in love with me if I have about three months. This is how I landed my wife, FWIW. She knows this; its's an amusing story. Anyway, I can do that because I know what it takes. If you're looking for a long-term relationship (any of you could get laid at any time if you really needed to), you know what it takes to get a dude to fall for you on an emotional level. Use that. The young chikas ain't got that. If your seduction skills aren't in the top 5% of your peers, buy this book and follow the advice

Tip #3: Be willing to do anything within reason sexually, do it quickly, and do it enthusiastically. This is the basis of the "MILF teaching the young man about sexualality" arrangement that's relatively common today. We all have really dark sexual fantasies we will never, even under torture, reveal. This, by the way, is the trump card of "psychics." Tell people they have a dark sexual secret, throw out a few Forer statements (Google it), and BAM! They're 100% convinced you're Miss Cleo (RIP.) In my "Ladder Theory" post, I shared what dudes look for in chicks. Our perception of the likelihood she'll put out quickly is a HUGE part of the pie. So at least give dudes the perception you'll put out quickly. It's a great opportunity to hook them into the seduction game from Tip#2. When you do finally put out, give them the impression you'd be down to try anything once, and do it with enthusiasm, not trepidation. TMI - this is my wife. I hypothesize women who have this attitude cause a massive oxytocin dump in the brain, because it makes me want to cling to her like Hubba Bubba in your pony tail.

Tip #4: Don't come off as sex-crazed. You have to walk a fine line between #3 and #4. High value dudes will have confidence in doing what's needed to get you into the bedroom, so there's no need to advertise the fact that you love sex. Come off as too sexual and you'll drive those guys away (we like the challenge) and attract low value dudes who have no game. 

Tip #5: Personality matters more than most realize, but for a weird reason. All of you have a particular personality. Let it fly. Show the outside world your inside world. People who are their authentic self radiate a confidence that is absolutely infectious. You hippies probably have a word for it. But it's fucking magnetic. But here's the catch. It's only magnetic to those who are like-minded. But those people... they get you. And people that get you want to be with you. When we're talking opposite genders... that means bonding. Outwardly, I'm a far different person than I was even two years ago. But I'm the same inside. And the difference is night and day. I just attract like-minded people. That's why SDMC has been a success... we all "get" each other. Same deal applies in relationships. Again, a personal reference - my wife and I have been through serious shit as a couple. We've also experienced all kinds of crazy shit. It would have torn most couples apart. Why did we survive? Fundamentally, we "get" each other because we're basically the same person but with genitals that match up in fun ways. The only way you get people to buy the real you is to market the real you.

Tip #6: Don't be a cunt. Be a decent, pleasant person. Have good manners. Be respectful. Be grateful. Don't perpetually act like a victim. Don't be a bitch. Don't be bitter and act like you have a chip on your shoulder. No talking about exes and how they fucked you over. Or worse, comparing the dude you're with to your ex... even if it's favorable. It's a huge red flag. No bitching about how unfair life is treating you. Don't be emasculating. Don't come off as a know-it-all. We hate women who always have to be right. So many women come off as just horrible people... and I don't think they have any self-awareness of this at all. Be warm, kind, and gracious. 

Tip #7: Be interesting. Interesting people are interesting because they have depth of personality. Quite simply, they know shit about a lot of different things, and they talk about those things. One of the worst parts of the running world I was a part of for many years is almost all runners live and breathe running. The topic gets old when you're running with someone for 12 hours in the mountains. Let's face it, you've seen some shit. Almost all of you remember the Challenger. Men don't value "smart" women nearly as highly as they value "interesting" women. And those are two very, very different concepts.

Tip #8: Embrace propinquity. Place yourself in environments where high value men hang out. This one seems obvious, but most women don't do it. You know what kind of man you're looking for. Figure out where they exist, then go there. Propinquity is one of the most reliable predictors of people entering relationships. Take advantage of that. Likewise, avoid places where low value males hang out. When women ask "where are all the good men?", they're certainly not hanging out at the coffee shop or a Hillary Clinton rally. 

Tip #9: Don't advertise you're a fucking feminist. Feminists act like dudes. Not feminine chicks who can add spice by sprinkling in some masculine traits, but dudes. Like you feel kinda gay if you're having sex with them. That's not good for a straight dude. Feminism is like alpha repellent. And beta attractant. If you ever get an apparent alpha who claims to love feminists? You're either super hot and he's trying to fuck you or, far more likely, he's a pickup artist beta who has great acting chops. Avoid discussing feminism and anything related to feminism. Keep the ideals. Dress them in a far more seductive package.

Tip #10: Don't take advice from dudes who are trying to bone you. I always advise men to NOT get any sex, love, or relationship advice from women. First, women don't seem to have a great grasp on what exactly turns them on (which I argue is evolution in action... it's a good thing.) Second, if the woman is attracted to you, the advice is going to be anything that maximizes her chances with you. That last point works in reverse. Except most dudes who are looking for just sex will fuck just about any woman who isn't extremely repulsive. I've seen how low this can go before... it's moderately disturbing. The point - if you ever encounter dudes who give you advice on any of this, it's safe to assume they're going to give advice to maximize their chances of boning you. If your seduction game is on point, you can actually use this bit of information in said game.

Tip #11: Don't overshare. Be judicious about the pace at which you self-disclose your life. You don't want to come off as if you're hiding shit, but don't reveal your deepest, darkest secrets within the first twenty minutes on the first date. Like an onion, reveal your layers one at a time. 

Tip #12: Don't order a fucking salad on the first lunch or dinner date. Nothing says "I have a cardboard personality" like ordering salad. Order something interesting or exotic, sexy, and decadent. Then offer to share. 

Tip #13: Be a capable conversationalist. This goes back to the "be interesting" idea, but a little more specific. When he's talking, actually listen (as opposed to composing your next statement in your head.) FAR too many people do this and it's annoying as fuck. Develop your ability to ask questions based off what the other person says. If they mention they went to school in upstate New York, follow up by asking something like "Were the fall colors as brilliant as I imagine?" Silly example, but you get the idea. Listen more than you talk. If your socialization skills aren't in the top 5% of your peers, buy this book and follow the advice

Tip #14: Don't be a catty bitch. Women, if in the presence of a high value man, have an annoying tendency to sexually disqualify other women within eyesight with comments like "look at that woman in the slutty dress. I bet she has herpes." If you're doing what it takes to assure the dude you're with is interested in you, there's no need to do this. It just makes you look like an insecure jealous or envious bitch, both of which are red flags. 

Tip #15: If you have kids or pets, don't talk about them unless asked. It's fair to mention them, but don't make them the topic of conversation unless he asks. Nothing kills seduction like talk of family. Also, if he has kids and you don't BUT you have a pet, DO NOT COMPARE THE EXPERIENCES AS IF THEY'RE THE SAME THING! Being a "pet parent" isn't parenting. It's a fucking animal. This is a powerful indicator you've lost touch with objective reality.

Tip #17: Be aware of the caveats of online dating. Online dating is a weird animal. Generally speaking, the people who use online dating are doing so because they're either too busy to meet people in real life, are just looking to get laid with minimal effort, or have social hangups that make asynchronous, electronic communication more desirable than chatting face-to-face. For women, you're not going to find a lot of high value alpha males looking for relationships online. Most high value dudes are just looking for a string of random hookups. Those who ARE looking for commitment get snatched up by high value women almost immediately because they're so god damned rare... which is more than enough justification to make yourself as hot as possible to compete. The vast majority of men online a beta turds who are excessively needy, fat, lazy, weird in an off-putting way, or just hoping to find a woman desperate enough to fuck them. To avoid those men, I suggest adding the following like to your profile: "No male feminists." It won't completely solve the problem, but it's a good start. 

Tip #18: Understand not all dudes who will fuck you will want to have a relationship with you. I intentionally saved this one for last because it's among the biggest mistakes I see women making. I explain this dynamic in more detail in this post, but it basically works like this: High value dudes will tap low value women, but will only commit to high value women. Women often assume if they're good enough to fuck, they're good enough for girlfriend (or gasp - wife) material. Not so. Women looking for commitment consistently aim for men clearly out of their league, then get frustrated when those men ditch them. The problem isn't the men. The problem is the woman's failure to understand how men actually work. The rule of thumb: If you have problems getting men to commit, lower your expectations and shoot for lower value men, or, as I recommend in the linked article and in some of the tips above, do the hard work of making yourself a higher value woman. I recommend making a list of the things you desire from your dream man. Now make a list of the shit you bring to the table. Be honest. Do you think that dream man would be impressed with your list? If not, get to work or start crossing shit off your dream man list


There you have it - eighteen tips to help older women compete with younger women. Given our society's tendency to shame masculinity, we have a glut of beta males running around. High-value alpha males capable of long-term relationships really are unicorns. These eighteen tips, if followed, will give you a HUGE advantage over all your cohorts and should give you a fighting chance with the younger, less experienced women. 

Good luck!

In the next post, I'll share some tips on how to discriminate between alpha and beta males. 


Friday, August 19, 2016

Defining Alpha and Beta

One of the most confusing concepts I talk about on this blog is the idea of "alpha" versus "beta." Without a doubt, it is the single biggest misconstrued idea I talk about, mostly because there are all kinds of definitions of these terms used in popular culture. Biologists have a particular definition, different flavors of feminism have different definitions, the "manosphere" uses different definitions... it's pretty damn confusing.

So... here's my explanation. Alpha and Beta are two ends of a spectrum of male social hierarchy (I discussed Alpha Females in this post.) In any given situation, men will consciously or unconsciously organize in a hierarchy generally based on individual's ability to be effective leaders in that specific situation. In many cases, they will have a degree of expertise in that situation. The ranking below that top alpha is based on capability. The least-capable person occupies the bottom rung of the social hierarchy, and would be considered a beta male. 

The key, of course, is that the social hierarchy can and does change in different situations. The bottom-of-the-hierarchy beta can be the top alpha in a different situation. For men, the social ranking is all about effective leadership in getting shit done. That differs from women, who organize around an Alpha who keeps the group functioning socially. 

When I talk about "alpha traits" and "beta traits", I'm really describing the characteristics that cause men to rise up the hierarchy (alpha traits) or fall in the hierarchy (beta traits.) Generally speaking, the more alpha traits a dude can display across different situations, the more "alpha" he becomes and his sexual market value rises. Similarly, the more beta traits a dude displays across different situations, the more "beta" he becomes and his sexual market value falls. Ladder theory explains the ramifications of SMV

Our goal in San Diego Man Camp is to identify the traits that constitute "alpha", figure out how and why they work, figure out what impact these behaviors have on others, teach them, then practice whenever possible. This is what we mean when we say we want to teach men how to be better men. We're really teaching men how to be more effective leaders. 

Part of this process also involves teaching beta behaviors as something to recognize and avoid unless a situation warrants. For example, many "beta" traits like caring, compassion, cooperation, self-disclosure, peacefulness, etc. are necessary for long-term relationship success, parenting, or even leading. This shit is absolutely necessary, but a man has to establish an alpha frame before he can display beta traits. 

This is why we do what we do in the group.

Given the confusion on this topic, post any questions in the comments section and I'll answer them ASAP.


Thursday, August 18, 2016

Jason, Why Are There So Many Beta Males In The Ultrarunning World?

In the San Diego Man Camp Facebook group, we spend a lot of time discussing various hobbies. Many of us have at one time or another dabbled in the sport of ultrarunning. To the uninitiated, "ultrarunning" is participating in footraces of fifty kilometers or longer, often on trails. I'm intimately familiar with the sport as a participant and an analyst (it was the topic of my second book "Never Wipe Your Ass with a Squirrel".)

A few male and female ultrarunner friends, after reading this blog and my Sexpressionists blog, have noticed there seems to be a disproportionate number of beta males in the sport. I've made this same observation. In fact, my curiosity over this issue is what ultimately led me to start studying sex and gender issues again. 

What are some Possible Explanations?

There could be many reasons beta males are attracted to the sport, including:

  • "Running" itself is often deemed the opposite of "fighting" (think fight or flight), and people with stronger alpha tendencies are more likely to stick around and fight while people with more beta tendencies are more likely to flee. 
  • The activity itself lowers testosterone, which causes more beta behaviors to emerge. 
  • Ultrarunning requires hours upon hours of enduring physical pain in isolation. That combination tends to produce some really nice conditions to produce a therapeutic effect. I've found many (most?) ultrarunners have a lot of baggage from their past, and the long hours on the trails give them an opportunity to work through shit. Anyway, that baggage tends to be a) shit from childhood, or b) relationship angst. Both of these problems are synonymous with beta males.
  • The sport encourages participation over competition. For everyone but the elites, there's virtually no chance of winning an ultra. So everyone focuses on finishing to earn what amounts to a participation ribbon. That lack of competitiveness also lowers testosterone. 

How About Another Hypothesis?

I've noticed almost all of the "beta males" in ultrarunning don't quite fit the typical beta mold across the board. Maybe they're not real beta males. Maybe many of the dudes who appear to be betas are actually "Nice Guys", who are basically closeted natural alphas who, through the conditioning process of modern Western society, have internalized the idea that masculine behaviors are bad. Here are the reasons:

  • Ultrarunning is a "safe" sport in that it's non-violent (unlike my newer hobbies - Brazilian jiu jitsu, boxing, and mma.) This is a key as the beta male is exceptionally prone to the opinions of others and will avoid anything that will draw the ire of society.
  • It gives ample time to spend around attractive females in an asexual setting. "Nice Guy" beta males believe it is disrespectful to be sexually assertive with women, so they basically friendzone themselves by recruiting women as training partners, pacers, or crew members. They hope, by spending hours and hours with these women, they will eventually convince them of their worthiness as a mate (or fuck buddy.)
  • The females they are exposed to tend to be pretty fucking tough, thus more likely to be willing to take the lead in relationships and make decisions. "Nice Guy" beta males are petrified to make decisions because they're afraid of upsetting women, so they prefer to defer to women. They think they're empowering women. In reality, they're driving them insane
  • The closeted alpha "Nice Guy" beta can't totally hide his alpha tendencies, and ultrarunning feeds those primal alpha drives. Ultrarunning is a dangerous sport, especially the long mountain ultras. Death or severe injury is a real possibility, which is something alpha males thrive off. For the "Nice Guy" beta male, this provides his buried "alpha-ness" the danger and adventure fix it needs to keep him from going insane. 
  • The latter stages of long, hard ultras strips away all the niceties of humanity and reveals our true, primal self... and some men thrive off this. When it's 3am and you're seventy miles into a hundred miler, you're cold, hungry, fighting sleep deprivation, every part of your body in chafed and in pain, your emotional control is shot, life gets pretty fucking raw. Some men hate this spot. Some love it. Those who love it do so because it is the essence of masculinity - experiencing and overcoming incredibly difficult shit by continuing on. We don't get this opportunity in modern society barring freak accidents or natural disasters, so ultras give closeted alphas a change to prove their manhood. 
  • Attention. Ultras are, by design, really fucking stupid. The skillset required has little or no direct real-world application and they're stupidly difficult. To the general population, ultras appear to be insane. To the "Nice Guy" beta male, this attention fuels their need for external validation they should be getting from within.

How Do I Know If I'm One of These "Nice Guy" Beta Males/ Closeted Alphas?

Luckily, the warning signs are pretty clear, which makes it easy to distinguish between "Nice Guy" beta males who are really closeted alphas and actual natural beta males. "Nice Guys" have the following traits:

  • "Nice Guy" beta males are afraid of upsetting women because they believe it will ruin their chances for casual sex, dating, a long-term relationship, or sex within a long-term relationship. In other words, they're deathly afraid of rocking the pussy boat.
  • "Nice Guy" beta males have trouble understanding other males and their behaviors; they simply don't make sense. Things like cat-calling, fighting, bullying and teasing, or "peacocking" just seem like douchey behaviors that serve no purpose.
  • "Nice Guy" beta males do not understand why seemingly normal women fall for "bad boys."
  • When they enter into monogamous relationships with women, the sex always starts off good then slowly decreases in frequency and quality, to the point where all sex is "starfish sex." Intimate acts like kissing and blowjobs disappear. The "Nice Guy" will usually try anything and everything that would be considered a romantic gesture - being a better listener, buying her flowers, jewelry, lingerie, candles, exotic vacations... but none of it seems to help. Relationships tend to go like this
  • "Nice Guy" beta males have mates who tend to nag them all. the. time. 
  • "Nice Guy" males tend to have few if any male friends, nor do they spend time in all-male groups.
  • "Nice Guy" beta males tend to have a growing sense of existential dread, like they have no idea why they're here. They will have often worked their whole life to build what they have in the hopes it would bring happiness and fulfillment, but it only brings a feeling of emptiness, loneliness, and despair. "Nice Guy" beta males tend to bury these feelings behind a facade of fake smiles and optimism.
  • Read through a bunch of posts on Reddit's r/deadbedrooms subreddit. If this hits home and you're a dude, you're a "nice Guy" beta. Or if you're a woman and this hits home, you're probably in a relationship with a "Nice Guy."

What Can Be Done?

If any of this sounds familiar, I can relate. Like, REALLY relate. This was me (read my story about overcoming this plight in this post.) If this shit resonates, know there are many of us who have overcome this, made positive changes, and are now living lives far better than the lives we once lived. The best part? Our improvements have made us better leaders, better boyfriends and husbands, and better fathers. 

If you're interested in making positive changes, take a look at our Facebook group and consider a workshop. It could change your life. Sorry ladies, it's a male-only group, which is by design. I do have another mixed-gender Facebook group if any of these ideas sound a little too familiar. Or you just want to learn more about the topic. 



Monday, August 15, 2016

The Roadmap To Solving Sex and Gender Issues

I've been studying sex and gender for two decades, first as an experimental social psychology student, then as a high school psychology teacher, and finally as a writer. During that time, I've studied pretty much every issue that arises when discussing males and females; masculinity and femininity. The one primary problem that always eluded me:

"How do we effectively solve problems related to sex and gender that result in mutually-beneficial solutions?"

In today's social media-dominated world, many groups try to solve these problems from one of two very general perspectives:

  • "Feminism"
  • "The Manosphere"

"Feminism" includes all the flavors of feminism from Amazon to Trans-national with the common thread being some degree of vilification of men and masculinity as oppressors of women.

"The Manosphere" includes all flavors of pro-male groups including Men Going Their Own Way, Men's Rights Activists, The Red Pill, pickup artists, etc. The common thread tends to be a reaction to feminism and feminist ideals that have basically fucked up our social institutions. 

Neither group is effective at solving problems because they become echo chambers of bad ideas that have zero chance of success. There are all kinds of reasons for this, most of which can be explained with cognitive biases

I've spent the last three years either passively observing many of these groups, actively trolling them, or genuinely engaging in conversations. Damn, did I learn a lot! Specifically, I learned almost all of the people involved in these various groups and communities have a strong emotional attachment to whatever outcome they desire. It's not unlike the irrational attachment we see to political candidates or sports teams. I've come to realize this emotional attachment absolutely kills any chance any of these groups have of solving the problems they routinely bitch and moan about mostly because they ignore reality. At the most basic level, they cannot pass the simple test I like to use to reveal the barriers that prevent ideas from becoming reality:

Ask the "If only..." question. 

For example, "Men and women could achieve true gender equality if only..." where the answer will reveal what barriers are needed to overcome in order for the goal to be actualized. Sure, almost all of these groups WILL be able to answer the question, but their answer is not grounded in reality OR is completely unrealistic. 

In very broad, general terms, most of the feminists seem to want to destroy masculinity as a gender role and most manosphere groups seem to want to subjugate women. Both ideas are moronic because they fail to understand basic human psychology. So they bitch and moan, whine and complain. They blame, shame, and play the victim card. It's like a really, really unpleasant form of intellectual masturbation. And they go through this endless cycle because they seem to genuinely believe there will always be tomorrow. 

I ain't got time for that shit. 

I have an urgency because there won't always be a tomorrow. I don't know if I will be here tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year. I don't want to talk about problems. I want to solve problems. So that's what I'm doing. Anyway, I digress.

The Problem

As it turns out, I've discovered the problem is a whole lot simpler than I expected. Most "gender discussion groups" from any perspective are set up and administered by people who are fundamentally broken in some way (that's not a bad thing per se, as most of us have some degree of "broken".) This causes them to gravitate towards one set of particular beliefs that benefits them personally. That's why they cling to one perspective that makes no logical sense, nor has resulted in any empirically-verified positive outcomes. 

They're not doing what they do to make the world a better place; they're doing what they do to feel better about themselves. So they become emotionally-attached to the ideas and resist alternatives.

This was my experience in a group called "The New Masculine", which turned out to be a front for the stupid OneTaste cult. It was basically a bunch of low-value females emotionally manipulating a bunch of uber-beta males. The leaders of the group were clearly exploiting the men for affirmation (and apparently money) not because their ideas worked, but rather because they needed to power to overcome their personal shortcomings. 

To further compound this problem, a lot of gender discussion groups enforce exclusively masculine or exclusively feminine communication styles. That's problematic because that's not how our world works. When we police language with censoring, we create an artificial environment that does not represent the real world. Any discussions we engage in within that environment are subsequently useless. 

I hypothesize this is THE reason all of these groups have such shitty real-world outcomes... they're not based on the real world. Instead, they're based on intellectual musings of broken people. 

The Solution

Turns out the apparent solution is quite simple - create and administer a group that allows men and women to communicate like most men and women communicate in real life. This is exactly what is happening in my Cotton Underwear Nougat Troupe group. All I did was collect folks who have realized their world view might be wrong and throw them together in a group and toss out ideas to discuss. In one month, I've already made tremendous strides towards developing my own hypotheses and, more importantly, workshop content to help solve many of our most pressing sociopolitical problems starting on the individual level. 

The formula is pretty simple - keep out the extremists who do not have the ability to consider alternative points of view, then set a tone of civil discussion. BAM! Phenomenal discussions.

One other significant variable seems to be most if not all of the group's membership has the ability to communicate in either a masculine style or feminine style without losing their shit, which helps immensely with misunderstandings. Those who can't handle that usually don't last all that long without getting triggered and quitting the group. 

What develops are surprisingly organic discussions that closely mimic real-life interactions, which is significant. One of the greatest problems with online communication is the lack of body language and tone of voice cues, which is a fundamental problem with every other gender group I've experienced. 

This group, because of the quality of discussion, is a near-perfect conduit to actually solving all these gender-related issues. 

I'll be posting more on this topic down the road as the group continues to develop.


Saturday, August 13, 2016

The Alpha Female... What Does She Look Like?

My Fictional Alpha Female Crush

In my new gender discussion group (Cotton Underwear Nougat Troupe), we spend a lot of time talking about the idea of Alpha and Beta Males. Quick refresher. For men, the alpha/beta dynamic aren't discrete categories. It's a spectrum of social dominance. In any given situation, all of the men are ranked from the top Alpha (the leader), to the #2, then the #3, and so on. The most Beta is the dude at the bottom. When we talk about "alpha" and "beta" traits, we're really describing various behaviors that positively and negatively affect your position in the social hierarchy.

An important thing to note about males and social hierarchies - it's all based on utility. We rank based on our perceived expertise and ability to lead. And it changes from situation to situation. In the San Diego Man Camp group, I'm the Alpha because the entire thing is based off my ideas. Pick any other endeavor, however, and other dudes in the group would probably assume the alpha role because they would be the most effective leader. 

So What About Females?

Females have their own hierarchy, but it plays by much different rules. Instead of being set by situational hierarchies based on expertise, it's set by social utility in general and social bonding in particular. As such, the Alpha Female of the group is always the woman who can most effectively bind the group and direct its actions. Alpha Females exist to keep groups together, which differs from Male Alphas who exist to get shit done. In a healthy society, we need both. 

Interestingly, it's very easy to spot the alpha female in a group composed of all females. All other women will unconsciously point one or both feet at her. She often has the ability to utilize both feminine and masculine traits. 

Alpha Females tend to be charming, sexually-alluring, funny, driven, and have an ability to put anyone at ease. They're natural leaders. The most successful Alpha Females will, in addition, possess all three components of the Dark Triad (narcissism, psychopathology, and Machiavellianism) traits which help them protect their tribe socially, which differs from Alpha Males who physically protect and provide for the tribe. In other words, people don't fuck with Alpha Females. 

In any group of women, there's always only one Alpha Female, but the rest of the group plays specific roles like an enforcer, a joker/ weirdo, the conversation-starter, the gossiper, the whipping post, the girls who get ignored, etc. Each serves a purpose, and the Alpha Female directs them in their roles. There are no "Beta Females" per se, but there will be a ranking of each group member's importance to the group... so there IS a woman at the bottom. Additionally, most women have some Alpha Female capability, which could feasibly be used to rank women on an Alpha/ Beta phenomenon similar to how us dudes operate. 

If the Alpha Female leaves the group, the next-most capable alpha assumes the role OR the group simply dissolves. The quality and effectiveness of any given group of females is directly related to the "alpha-ness" of the current Alpha Female. 

One of the most amusing things about this dynamic occurs when two experienced Alpha Females enter a group. Since there can only be one Alpha Female, the lower-ranking Alpha Female will typically challenge the higher ranking Alpha Female to establish the position. It's never shared. This tends to create a lot of disruption (drama) because the group doesn't know who to follow.

It's also worth noting Alpha Females will always defer to capable Alpha Male leadership because they understand the utility that men bring to the equation. They understand genders are complimentary, not oppositional. Any effective team, organization, or even couples utilize the utility of Alpha Males and the social bonding of Alpha Females. This is the reason feminists are rarely if ever effective leaders... they don't understand this dynamic. Alpha Males aren't good at social bonding and Alpha Females aren't good at getting shit done.

Also worth noting - I've met precious few women who haven't self-identified as a "strong woman", and most seem to assume this means they're an Alpha Female. This is not the case. "Strong women" are usually the equivalent of beta males... they buy into the "you're special just the way you are" mediocrity bullshit pushed by the empowerment self-help industry.

Women, unlike men, do not get a boost to their sexual market value based on their alpha status, but it can get complicated because high value Alpha Males usually love Alpha Females. So there's that. But the actual traits aren't universally attractive. It's complicated. 

As a weird sidebar, Beta Males who have been friendzoned by women also become part of the female "group" and assume a role just like other women. Unfortunately for the Beta Men, they don't have the same intuitive understanding of subtle female behavior, so they fall to the bottom of female social groups. As such, Beta Men can never assume the Alpha Female role. 

Of all the gender-based dynamics I've studied over the years, this is the one I've spent the least time actually studying in real life... mostly because I don't care that much. It has zero personal relevance to me other than explaining it to my kids and knowing how to identify the Alpha Female in a group of women. 

Additionally - if any Alpha Females OR ladies interested in improving your Alpha Female skillz and wanna have some great discussions, join the CUNT group. We need more female voices!

Comments? Questions?


Saturday, August 6, 2016

Flavors of Men in Modern Western Society

I started a new Facebook group recently. The goal was to bring the discussions we have in our San Diego Man Camp Group into a forum that included women to discuss these issues without the new age hippie bullshit that permeates other gender discussion groups. And it has been magical. It has given the women of the group the opportunity to understand men from a masculine point of view instead of the typical feminine point of view. During the discussions, we often talk about different "kinds" of men - how we think, what we think, why we think that way, and how those thought patterns are manifested in our behaviors, beliefs, and attitudes. Understanding these groups and how they fit into this whole gender thing gives us a lot of insight to the real issues we face. Here's a few along with a very brief summary and rationale:

Natural Alphas: Natural alphas are men who have decidedly masculine traits, but have the ability and desire to temper these traits with feminine characteristics when the situation warrants. They were presumably born this way or have been trained since birth. In our modern society, these are the most desirable men. They want romantic relationships. They want to raise healthy families. They want to be community leaders. They have a life purpose outside their wives or girlfriends, and they chase that purpose with passion. They have a strong moral code and stick to it. They're fit, attractive, and stylish. These men receive a ton of female attention and have near-endless options in partners. Despite that attention, they remain loyal to their mate. Natural alphas usually have to resist their mate's taming behaviors by continually passing his mate's shit tests.

Rick is a natural alpha.

Recovered Alphas: Recovered alphas are natural alphas who, at some point in their life, turned themselves into beta males. At some point, they realize this was a very bad route, and work to recover their dormant inner-alpha. In most cases, these men will be emotionally manipulative "Nice Guys" during their beta phase. The San Diego Man Camp project specifically focuses on this group; we help men rediscover their inner alpha in a pro-social way. Like the Natural Alpha, the Recovered Alpha has to fight taming behaviors by passing shit tests.

Fuckboys: Fuckboys are smooth natural alphas who have no desire for long-term relationships. They have all attractive masculine traits to attract females, but prefer short-term relationships or one-night stands. These are the men described in this Vanity Fair article. Fuckboys are really just men having fun, but they tend to break a lot of hearts along the way because women fall for them, but they have no desire to settle down. Women WANT these men to settle down and usually go to great lengths to tame them. Fuckboys almost always settle into Natural Alphas when they find one especially high value female, they get tired of the hookup scene, or they get too old to attract a lot of female attention. Fuckboys always pass "alpha" shit tests, but usually fail "comfort" shit tests.

James Bond is a Fuckboy

Pseudo-alphas: Pseudo-alphas are men who do not have innate feminine traits to temper their masculine side. In many circles, this is the stereotypical "alpha male" douche. These are the loud, brash, arrogant men who treat everyone like shit. Think Jersey Shore. Pseudo-alphas are distinguishable from Fuckboys by their obvious lack of refinement. Still, these men have the ability to attract women for one-night stands, but these women usually have no desire for a long-term relationship with them. Pseudo-Alphas also pass "alpha" shit tests but fail "comfort" shit tests.

Stereotypical Pseudo-Alpha

Beta Providers: Beta providers are either natural beta males or broken alphas who never "wake up" to the fact that they're really alphas and make the effort to become Recovered Alphas. These men have a very predictable pattern they fall into, which I describe in detail in this Sexpressionists article. Often, these men get married to women who are sick of trying to find a natural alpha or have had their hearts broken by Fuckboys. These marriages follow a very predictable and tragic pattern. The women who marry these men also have a very predictable and tragic pattern. Beta providers fail almost all shit tests. These are the men who typically join SDMC and could most benefit from our workshops.

Ted Moseby (or an uglier version) is a beta provider

Pickup Artists: Pickup artists are beta males who have learned to mimic alpha behavior to pick up women for sex. Most of the time, these men are conflated with Fuckboys and Pseudo-Alphas. I draw the distinction because pickup artists are intentionally deceptive. They understand exactly what women are looking for, then become that person. The key, and the reason I place them in the "beta" category, is because their entire life revolves around women. Often, these men are really looking for female affirmations more than just sex. But sometimes it's just about sex. These men tend to be despised by women because of the deception. These dudes LOOK and ACT exactly like natural alphas, but it's a facade. Pickup Artists always pass all shit tests because they study how to pass shit tests.

Dangerous Betas: Dangerous betas are betas who build resentment towards women usually due to a lifetime of rejection. These men are perpetually friendzoned by women they perceive as their perfect soulmate only to watch them look up with Fuckboys or Pseudo-Alphas. They believe women are fundamentally evil or, minimally, completely immoral. These men are typically extraordinarily misogynistic. These are the men who stalk, rape, or kill women. Dangerous betas fail all shit tests.

Men will typically fit into one of the above groups. Sometimes men organize around various "communities." Here are a few of these communities:

The Red Pill (TRP): These dudes are almost always beta providers and generally want either lots of pussy (they want to become Fuckboys) or long term relationships (they want to become Recovered Alphas), so they attempt to learn how women operate, so they study female behavior in the real world through the frame of evolutionary psychology. They have excellent observations, but virtually no ability to sell the ideas without sounding like a decidedly misogynistic Hitler. Part of the problem is some of them actually ARE like a misogynistic Hitler (Dangerous Betas.) This is the group I most closely relate to, and the men I attract for SDMC tend to have the same goal of desiring healthy, long-term relationships.

Men's Rights Advocates (MRA): These dudes, almost always Beta Providers, generally have been fucked over in divorces (via alimony, child support, or custody) or falsely accused of sexual assault. They tend to be bitter about the skewing of our legal system towards women at the exclusion of men. This is the group who tends to use the term "pussy pass", which is the phenomenon of women getting shit from men simply because they're female (like showing cleavage to get out of a speeding ticket.) I do not like this group. While they do have legitimate grievances, they tend to play the victim card and come off as whiny little bitches. They play the victim card because they learned activism from feminists. They do not understand that men cannot use the same tactics women can use. Women can be victims and society takes notice. Men cannot. They just come off as pathetic. Many of these men have the potential to become Dangerous Betas, but their activism gives them a somewhat healthy outlet.

Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW): This group, consisting mostly of Beta Providers, would *like* to have a secure, long-term relationship with a woman, but they tend to be too low value (ugly, fat, poor, too lazy to improve, etc.) They make a conscious decision to give up on the possibility of female companionship and tend to work towards other goals, usually professionally. These men usually frequent prostitutes to satisfy sexual needs. Ironically, these men's tendency to improve themselves and ignore women makes them far more attractive to women (they accidentally become Recovered Alphas), so they usually end up getting what they stopped chasing. In The Red Pill circles, this is what men do when they go into "monk mode" and ignore women for a few months to a year. As a society, we treat these men harshly, which makes me sympathetic to their plight. They're generally harmless and just trying to live their life without constant disappointment.


Men in modern society fall into one of these categories. Understanding why they do what they do goes a long way towards understanding male behavior. The more we understand the subtle nuances of these behaviors, the more effectively we can solve some of our weird societal gender issues that plague us today. Same deal with understanding female behavior. Knowledge is power!


Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Man Camp Workshops: Volunteers Needed For August 20th

After over a year of development, the San Diego Man Camp Workshops are finally here! I've been diligently building the materials over the last two months, and have gotten to the point where I'm ready to do a test run.

Why a test run?

As a teacher, I understand the importance of pacing to work out timing. Normally I have a pretty good intuitive sense of this, but the material and the delivery style are both brand new. And I'm a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to teaching. Ergo the "practice run."

So I need a few more male volunteers. 

Specifically, I need about five volunteers. I have a very limited number of spots available due to the venue, so if interested, DO NOT DELAY!

The clinic will normally cost $400, so the volunteers will be getting an excellent value. All I ask for in return is participation and honest feedback. If you are interested or know someone who may be interested, contact me using the "workshop contact form" in the side panel or, if we're social media friends, message me on Facebook. 

The Specifics

The clinic will be held in El Cajon (about 10 miles due east of San Diego) at 6pm on Saturday, August 20th. It will last approximately three hours. You may want to bring a notebook, something to write with, and maybe some beer. Normally I'd provide it, but you know... this one's free.

As far as the materials, we'll cover four major topics all related to the process of getting better at being a masculine man. The four sub-areas are:

  • The seven pillars of masculinity and the self-improvement process
  • Understanding the psychology of women
  • Understanding healthy relationship dynamics
  • Major mistakes men make in life that sabotage their experiences
Since this workshop is free, I have a very limited budget for marketing. By "limited budget", I mean I have no budget. So please do me a solid and share this with anyone you may know who would be interested. 

If you do not know me (and my wickedly charming personality), you may want to read our FAQ page. We're not a typical masculinity group. There's no spirituality, new age bullshit, hating on women, or getting naked. There will be humor, a little sarcasm, obscure references to pop culture icons, and a few cool activities and demonstrations (I AM a teacher after all... I will run the workshop like a small, upper-level college course.) The Facebook version of our group almost perfectly reflects my personality. I'm not the kind of person that gives out hugs, accepts lames excuses, and I swear a lot. Read that page; you'll immediately know if it's a fit or not.

If you're familiar with my trail and ultrarunning book "Never Wipe Your Ass with a Squirrel", you'll know what to expect. 

Anyway, shoot me a message if you're interested. If you know someone else who may be interested, share this post with them.

I'm excited; this project has been in the works for a long time!