Sunday, August 2, 2015

Masculinity Isn't Free and Why Betas Lose Their Shit in the Face of Reality

One of the defining characteristics of masculinity is that it's earned. It cannot be given away for free. Furthermore, masculinity is hard work. That hard work, however, is repaid with a cornucopia of rewards. A man that relentlessly seeks self-improvement raises his value, and that value allows him to attract a much larger pool of quality, high value women, earns the respect and friendship of his fellow men, allows him to assume leadership roles in his community and profession, and allows him to reach the pinnacle of the male sociocultural pecking order. Alphas get what they want out of life because society rewards them for their hard work and sacrifice. 

This is the reason so many modern beta males are fighting to "redefine" masculinity. Being a beta male is really easy. It's comfortable. It's safe. No risk, but no reward. Beta men only get the girls looking for a loyal provider. They don't get respect. They don't get to make decisions. They're the butt of jokes and targets of bullying. They don't get the promotions at work. They don't have a large network of male friends. The men that aren't willing to do the hard work to become a man feel a sense of entitlement to the spoils other men have to earn, but it doesn't work that way. You don't get to demand that you be given honor. You have to earn honor. 

When I discuss beta males on Facebook (like when I posted this post about the caveats of being a beta), I get a lot of interesting but predictable responses from beta males. For any man making the decision to start working to get better at being a man, they'll encounter these reactions from beta males. Understand - betas have to disparage alphas because alpha success is direct, obvious proof that being an alpha results in more positive life outcomes than being a beta. These responses alleviate the cognitive dissonance that results from the beta clinging to a life strategy they've chosen. They have two options - rationalize their beta-ness or change their beta behaviors to alpha behaviors. Here are a few common responses:

  • Alpha vilification. This is pretty much always done by stereotyping alpha males as gym-rat douchebags that physically assault women and weak men. No matter how many times I explicitly explain what we do here with the Man Camp project, the betas cannot drop their stereotype of an "alpha" male. This tactic often involves attempts to use a "man up" shaming routine commonly used by low-value females in an attempt to increase their pool of potential partners. The beta will say stuff like "Real men treat women like princesses." 
  • Insulting the process of self-improvement. This seems to be an extension of the entitlement I mentioned earlier. Beta males believe they deserve the spoils of hard work (of course I should have a hot, loyal, appreciative woman that gives me frequent passionate sex!) without actually doing the hard work, so they insult the actual process of self-improvement. The beta male cannot admit that they're either too lazy or afraid they might fail if they actually attempt to act like a man instead of acting like an asexual, gender-neutral victim.
  • Project negative characteristics to women that express their natural attraction to alphas. This one is probably the saddest item on the list. Beta males like to respond to my works by claiming we hate women, then the women in our lives explain how much they love the positive changes. The response isn't "Wow, maybe you're right, women DO love alpha males!" Instead, the response tends to be "Wow, those women that fall for alphas must be really, really messed up." 
  • Attributing teasing and bullying behaviors to alpha insecurity. We'll shift from the sad to the comical. This is another common response I get when I discuss the negative outcomes of being a beta male or discuss the positive outcomes of being an alpha male. "You're just insecure" or "you have to pick on others to boost your won ego" have been tossed out on a regular basis. I used to be a beta male. It sucked. I became an alpha. It's awesome across every single facet of my life. If I were somehow unhappy, I could just go back to being a beta. I promote these ideas because I want to help men, if they so desire, to make a similar journey to self-improvement. The idea that I promote these ideas to support my fragile ego fails in the face of simple logic. This is a classic case of the beta, who requires positive affirmations to float his self-worth, projecting his own need for external validation on those that can generate their own internal validation. 
  • White knighting. For the uninitiated, a "white knight" is a beta male that "comes to the rescue" of women in real life or, more commonly, online. They mistakenly believe the women will be so appreciative of their willingness to sacrifice themselves for M'lady's honor, she'll reward him with positive affirmations. Or a date. Or sex. Unfortunately, white knights don't seem to understand that their assumption that women can't handle their own shit is the root cause of misogynistic beliefs. Alphas don't white knight because they assume women are capable, autonomous humans that don't need "defending." Furthermore, they don't need the affirmation of women because women aren't the focus of their lives. Their mission or purpose is the focus of their life; women are a compliment. 
  • Intellectualization of or focus on irrelevant details. Beta males that despise alphas tend to do so because of a carefully-crafted thought process that has been developed for years. The intellectual bend is a cover to hide the deeply emotional fact that betas know they do not arouse women (as evident by their success rates with women) like alphas. To protect their thought process, they'll attack definitions of "alpha" and "beta" by saying things like "It's not that black and white" or "Alphas don't really occur in the animal kingdom." True in both cases. They don't understand that I use my own operational definition (alphas are at the top of the human male social hierarchy) and it's a spectrum, not two discrete categories. The other angle they'll take is to demand empirical evidence. Well, "real life" should be all the evidence required, but this post might help satisfy that need for evidence
For males currently caught in the beta mindset that want to change, this blow-back from other beta males can be discouraging. They start making some very simple changes and see immediate results. Betas that are secretly unhappy, due to either envy or a need to continue their delusion that being a beta results in better outcomes, need to attempt to drag the budding alpha back down. 

It's worth noting that I've met betas that are completely happy with their beta status. Those dudes? I give them a hearty thumbs-up and encourage them to keep following their path. Being a beta does have some advantages mostly related to ease and comfort. If a dude is aware of the negative consequences and still chooses the beta lifestyle, that's perfectly acceptable. Those aren't the betas that will try to drag aspiring alphas down, though.

Getting better at being a man is hard work. But it's worth it. When you take the journey, there will be detractors and they'll use some pretty predictable methods to shame you back to beta status. Hold strong, brothers. Their actions aren't based on an understanding of objective reality. Their behaviors are based on a fantasy they've willingly and enthusiastically embraced.


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